Friday, October 30, 2009

Lamé AND mesh?!

Why do I like these so much?!

They look like prison gear for prostitutes. And yet I can get behind that SO MUCH.

Downsides, though: They are obviously next up on Rihanna and Lilo's wardrobe choices, given their strong aversion to wearing pants. Umm, count Lady Gaga in on that one, too.

But still, I covet - especially from this hilarious angle.

I'm blaming Halloween for this one.

+ Photos courtesy of 80s Purple

Why so pricey?!

Um, I die.

That's really all. I'm just overwhelmed with feelings of "ooh" and "aah" and "so pretty" and "so slutty."

+ Photo courtesy of ShopBop

Jon + Kate + Heidi + Spencer = World implodes.

Is it wrong that I actually find Heidi and Spencer from "The Hills" dressing up as Jon and Kate Gosselin for Halloween really hilarious?

Granted, I think the Kate costume will be what Sarah Palin was last year (trite, overdone, annoying, overexposed, etc.), and staged photo shoots done before the actual date of Halloween are annoying and gimmicky. But the idea is vaguely genius, no? Or, at least as smart as people from "The Hills" can get.

+ Photo courtesy of The Superficial

TOXIC PARENTS and housewives.

Because I delight in all things trashy, of course I watch "Real Housewives of Atlanta" on Bravo. But I must admit, last night's reunion special - the first of two parts - was actually pretty boring. People's TV Watch nails it pretty much on the head when describing how weirdly uneventful the reunion was, but I'm looking forward to next week's part two, mainly because this preview clip is hilarious.

Michael Lohan, wtf ARE YOU DOING?

Also, that makes this clip between NeNe and Lohan on "The Insider" even funnier.

Oh reality celebrities and fame whores. You are da best.

Whomp whomp, meet Mad Max.

Look, I love me some fucking "Mad Max," OK? It's like, the only thing Mel Gibson has done that I have ever liked, and I adore it ... especially when he gets all "Lawrence of Arabia"-esque:

And I would have loved if Hollywood just didn't fuck with it. But why would they do that? That would be too logical. So now, yes, "Mad Max: Fury Road" is in the works with a supposed release date of 2012, and this guy, Tom Hardy, starring.

The only reason I remember him is because he played Picard's clone in "Star Trek: Nemesis" ...

... NO JUDGMENTS, OK? So what, I like "Star Trek" and post-apocalyptic films. Fuck you guys.

+ Photos courtesy of HiSciFi, This Is London, IMDB

Thursday, October 29, 2009

It's been a while since I've mocked famous people's clothes.

While perusing on Yahoo, I came across a fuckload of photo galleries of recent Hollywood events (from the 13th Annual Hollywood Film Awards Gala, the Champions Who Change Women's Lives Gala and the world premiere of the Michael Jackson documentary "This Is It"), so I think it's a time for a best-worst dressed list. It's not like I have anything better to do (cough bored at my job cough).

+ Why does Jamie Kennedy look so pained being next to girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt? Granted, she seems high-maintenance. But he just looks like he's been pulling out his hair from the stress - or is that just early male baldness? ZING!

+ Diablo Cody is one of the worst people. I am really anti celebrities who show up to red-carpet events dressed like schlubs. Like, what the fuck is this, from Sears' clearance rack? Negative.

+ Is this Lauren Conrad looking like a suitable human being, and not like she's actually wearing some of her own fashion designs? I like. Also, ZING! again.

+ I can't really respect Iranian actress Shohreh Aghdashloo, because she pulled the race-traitor card and played a terrorist on "24." But bitch is 57 FUCKING YEARS OLD and looks good as shit. Is that cleavage I see? Allah's probably not happy, but I am.

+ Umm ... why is Zooey Deschanel so poofy in this picture? Is there a little Ben Gibbard baby growing inside of her? I'm pretty sure that kid would trump Bronx Mowgli in terms of hipster cred - Pete and Ashlee better watch their asses.

+ Lastly, there's nothing to say about Aasif Mandvi except for that he's perfect and a gem in my comedian-loving heart. That is all.

+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo

James Cameron, what's up, player?

I keep thinking I'm going to hate "Avatar." And then I watch the trailer (the second one just leaked, and is below or linked to YouTube here) and kind of look forward to it again.

Finally, I just land on the idea that nothing James Cameron does can ever be as good as "Aliens"-

- or "T2" -


but I don't mind if he keeps trying.

+ Photos courtesy of IMDB, Photobucket,

Today's "UGH, fuck THAT!" edition.

The daily WTF round-up:

1. The Washington Post does a (completely unnecessary) story on the $5.7 million mansion that MTV uses for "The Real World: Washington, D.C." Since the cast leaves Washington this month (get off my turf, douchebags!), reporter Dan Zak got invited in and perused the home, noting how MTV tried to localize it by including pictures of Metro system maps (so colorful!) ...

... and Ben's Chili Bowl. Against my better judgment, I'm intrigued. I'll probably regret this as soon as the show airs in December.

2. Forbes magazine lays off as many as 100 people. Yes, Forbes, the magazine about rich people whose constantly stupid lists drive me crazy. I find this sadly ironic.

3. Disgraced reporter Jayson Blair (yup, that asshole went to the same journalism school I did) is apparently speaking at a seminar on media ethics. The title? "Lesson Learned." This is not OK! This dude has enough balls to have angelic press photos of himself taken ...

... and also make money preaching about shit he obviously knows nothing about? Or, at least didn't respect for years on end? I call BOOSHIT.

4. Violence against women in the media has risen 120 percent in the past five years. I don't know to blow this off, because this study points out examples like cartoon violence on "Family Guy" (which I don't give a fuck about), or take it seriously because it's such a huge increase. Definitely something to think about the next time I'm watching a dead porn star on "Sons of Anarchy" ... yup, maybe you should have watched this week. Just sayin'.

+ Photos courtesy of Mappery, Pop and Politics

You make me transform into HATRED.

Dear Chris Brown,

I understand that your new album, "Graffiti," is coming out on Dec. 15. Great. I look forward to hating it on sheer principle, as I have come to my senses and decided "I Can Transform Ya" is awful.

However, could you PLEASE put a fucking shirt on?

You are not D'Angelo.

Your constant need to divert people's attention from your girlfriend-beating by showing off your "hot bod" is actually pretty gross.

Quit it!

Disdainfully and not at all sexually excitedly,


P.S. Your tattoos are still stupid.

+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, NecoleBitchie

So many conflicted emotions!

Why does Urban Outfitters have to tempt me so ...

Nike Dunk High Skinny, $100

... Only to fundamentally repel me seconds later?

LAMEZIES, you mega-corporate assholes. All I want to do is look at some sparkly Nikes without being assailed by your subtle encouragement of anorexia (look, as much as I mock celebrities who look off their skinny game, I still have some semblance of a heart ... a teeny one) - IS THAT SO WRONG?

+ Photos courtesy of Urban Outfitters

Celeb pairings, romantic and otherwise.

So in case you didn't know, one is the loneliest number. Who would have guessed? Look, it's just a rule: Things are always better in a pair. See, here's a Halloween-themed indication of this:

Yup, that's Linus and Sally. It's the Great Pumpkin, BITCHES.

Anyway, here are my favorite celebrity duos this week. Reasons vary, obvi.

1. Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda both look cute as hell while traipsing around New York City.

This makes me miss Heath Ledger. Boo to prescription drugs and ...

2. ... Yeah, that was a poor segue into a post about Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but MK was supposedly having a relationship with Ledger when he died, so there you go. Anyway, the twins looked vaguely matronly (no surprise there) when launching their new juniors' line, Olsenboye, with JC Penney earlier this week.

Yes, them looking old while launching a line for teens is an awkward juxtaposition, but cheap clothes are nice, and Olsenboye will definitely be less obnoxious than Elizabeth and James, which is so expensive it makes my heart weep.

3. Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are dating, as evidenced by their both attending a hockey game together and going out to dinner this week. I only giggle at this because 1. Swift kind of looks possessed in the picture below ...

... and because 2. the idea of having sex with someone who is named the same thing as you confuses me. Wouldn't it be awkward to keep hearing the same name thrown out there/moaned back and forth? OK, they're teenagers, I'm creepy, whatever.

4. Lastly, I despise Kobe Bryant because he's a cocky bastard. However, I revel in this photo because his wife looks fat as they are leaving to attend some party after the Lakers' win over the Clippers earlier this week.

Trick what are those thighs? DELIGHTFUL. It's the small things that bring me joy, really.

+ Photos courtesy of ImageShack, OMG! Yahoo, Dlisted

Would I ever wear these anywhere? Probably not.

Today is going to start off with shoes. Why? Because I can.

If the world could land these at my doorstep, that'd be great. And yes, I'm aware they're all by Jeffrey Campbell. I've been vaguely obsessed with that shoe line lately ... I'll probably stop when their products stop being amazing. Oh, right, which will be never.

On the other hand, I'm not so sure about these. I've been feeling wedges lately, but there's something about these boots by 80%20 which just seem off.

Like, they don't seem functional enough - and while I'm not all about practicality with my shoe choices, I'd rather they be edgy than somewhat confusing, don't you think?

+ Photos courtesy of Lori's Shoes, Karmaloop

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

News in the news.

The journalism industry is dying, blah blah blah (I'm just regurgitating what my parents keep saying to me when they lecture me about my future), and these recent stories regarding the media world have kind of got me in a tizzy ...

+ First, CNN is in the fourth - and last - place in ratings for prime-time cable news, according to The New York Times. I guess objectivity really is a dying practice. I mean, in my opinion, Anderson Cooper ...

... is more tolerable than Bill O'Reilly/Nancy Grace/etc., but apparently I'm in the minority here.

+ Secondly, the new editor of Washingtonian magazine, Garrett Graff, is a 28-year-old Harvard educated dude who jumped into journalism after working as Howard Dean's national press secretary when he was a teenager. This guy:

Read the full story if you want to learn more about all the opportunities that got thrown at him (presumably because of his parents' connections, as one was a high-up in the Associated Press and the other a well-respected children's book author), but I think his last quote sums it up pretty well: "I have traditionally done pretty well proving to people I'm capable of that which I've been given, or earned, depending on how one looks at it." Key word: given.

... while this other one has me somewhat pleased:

+ The obnoxiously pretentious Washington, D.C.-based blog Brightest Young Things ventured into event-hosting this past month with a series of comedy concerts, and according to a story by The Washington Post, they ended up in the red because not as many people attended the shows as they would have thought and things didn't end up going as they hoped. Boohoo. I love reveling in other people's somewhat-failures. And yes, I'm looking forward to hell. I'm sure the Devil loves alcohol just as much as I do.

+ Photos courtesy of ScrapeTV, MSNBC

With or without U2.

I don't really like anything U2 has done since "Achtung Baby," and "The Joshua Tree" is their only album that I can listen to entirely without skipping anything or getting horrendously bored midway through. I don't know if it's that Bono just annoys me, or I feel like their songs have gotten formulaic, or I think they're far more commercial than they pretend to be, or what, but I'm essentially done with them.

However, I must note that the OMG! Yahoo photo gallery of celebrities who attended U2's concert in Los Angeles recently kind of intrigued me:

1. David Beckham, don't shave. Ever. I like this stubble look; it reminds me of Brad Pitt's wildly unkempt goatee.

2. Ewan McGregor, how are you always so dapper? And "The Men Who Stare at Goats" looks hilarious, so props.

3. Paris Hilton listens to music that isn't her own caterwhaling? This offends me. As do her pants.

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Flipping and flopping.

Ummm, so remember when I said a little while ago that I might like Chris Brown's new song, "I Can Transform Ya?"

Yeah, after watching the music video, I take it all back.

If Lil Wayne could stop wearing guitars around (because I'm convinced his rock album is NEVER coming out, after being delayed for months on end) and if Chris Brown could stop transforming into automobiles, that would be awesome. At first, I was excited about Weezy name-dropping Optimus Prime in the song, but after watching this video I'm pretty sure he, Chris Brown and Swizz Beatz just watched "Transformers" while really high and decided to give it a go on their own. Basically.

People understand tattoos last forever, right?

I really, really think tattoo artists in Hollywood have the goofiest jobs, because I'm pretty sure celebrities get the DUMBEST TATTOOS EVER. (Full disclosure: I have tattoos, but no, they are not butterflies/dolphins/hearts/tramp stamps, so yes, I am allowed to judge.)

Anyway, a little while ago my rage began with Scarlett Johansson's tattoo, because it's some ridiculous, glittery, ugly landscape thing that looks straight out of Lisa Frank:

Then Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian get these matching monstrosities this past weekend:

And now Lindsay Lohan apparently has some gaudy, Tinkerbell-esque crap on her arm about stars being allowed to twinkle or something:

Can't people just give this shit a rest? Pull an Angelina Jolie or Johnny Depp and start lasering this badness off or something? I feel like I'm constantly reading Bookworms with Ink, but like, with less misspellings and more general stupidity.

+ Photos courtesy of TattooFiles, OMG! Yahoo, CelebSlam

This is why I don't buy CDs.

Dear Rihanna,

Am I supposed to be shocked by your new album cover?

Because I'm not. It's pretty much everything I expected. Lots of eyeliner? Check. Your peroxide-happy weave? Sure. A slightly trite but still cute edginess? Yay!

Here's to hoping the other songs are better than "Russian Roulette,"

Skeptical but still supportive,


P.S. Do you know if Adam Lambert is for real with this "For Your Entertainment" shit?

Because somewhere out there in the world, I think Boy George is lustful and jealous. Oh, and now I fully know what it's like to quote "too gay to function" from "Mean Girls" in a COMPLETELY FITTING SETTING.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, AutoStraddle

Monday, October 26, 2009

Stepping up on defense.

So a lot of blogs have been ragging lately on some recent outfits from Dita Von Teese and Shakira, and I've got to step up and defend two of my fave womenz.

For example, GoFugYourself crapped all over Dita's latest look:

While OMG! Yahoo both snarked about Shakira's Versace gown and her hair, which they said has "never looked more disappointing:"

Now, I may just have scarfed down too many Tylenols and bottles of Diet Coke this morning, but WTF is the issue here? Dita Von Teese is all about goofy, vaguely vintage looks, and I kind of find her head-piece charming. Plus, remember how she's not having sex with Marilyn Manson anymore? Isn't that always a plus?

And regarding Shakira - look, you naggity bitches. The woman's waist is like, 20 inches or something, and I'm pretty sure if Beyonce was wearing something like that people would be busting a nut. For example, does anyone remember this little number?


/End rant.

+ Photos courtersy of LaineyGossip, OMG! Yahoo, PhotoBucket

No red lipstick? Tragedy.

I don't think my brain can process the image of Gwen Stefani without lipstick on.

Like, this photo is literally melting my psyche. The madness! It's basically like the end of "Apocalypse Now," but without all the insightful social commentary or Marlon Brando.

P.S. Also, is it just me, or does she look like she's wearing about 19 layers of concealer? Trick looks kind of haggard.

+ Photos courtesy of SocialiteLife

Is Billy Ray Cyrus sipping on Jesus juice?

Is Billy Ray Cyrus running some kind of brothel?

Because I'm pretty sure little Noah Cyrus is dressed like a major skankbag at this Halloween party held by Jamie Lee Curtis over the weekend.

HOW IS THIS LEGAL? I'm all for sluts, but only when you're of-age and not, you know, 9. Also, insert your own Jesus-related joke ... right here.

+ Photo courtesy of Dlisted

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Some pictures are worth some words.

OH, dear Jesus, so many hilarious pictures lately. Here's quick thoughts on the three that made me giggle most today:

1. Kim Kardashian, again, wearing clothes I want.

However, the juxtaposition of her heavily made-up face with the SO FUCKING PREGNANT Kourtney just makes me laugh. Also, are they going to a club for Kim's 29th birthday or something? BITCH YOUR SISTER IS PREGNANT. Can't you send her home while you go get crunk (more pictures of the night here) and stop rubbing your body/fame/life in her face?

2. How come everyone always yells at me for wearing sweatpants, but it's OK for Gwen Stefani to wear BOTH sweatpants AND tie-dye?

I call unfair. Also, if you're going to take the time to put on such flashy red lipstick and more make-up than you need, why not just put on NOT CRUMMY CLOTHES? Just a thought.

3. Russell Brand in his American Apparel undies is just funny to me, I don't know why.

Maybe because how he started dating Katy Perry is also amusing (he hit on her all night at the VMAs, she texted him a pic of her boobs), even though their constant PDAs are kind of gross.

+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, OMG! Yahoo, PopSugar