It's been a while since I've mocked famous people's clothes.

While perusing on Yahoo, I came across a fuckload of photo galleries of recent Hollywood events (from the 13th Annual Hollywood Film Awards Gala, the Champions Who Change Women's Lives Gala and the world premiere of the Michael Jackson documentary "This Is It"), so I think it's a time for a best-worst dressed list. It's not like I have anything better to do (cough bored at my job cough).

+ Why does Jamie Kennedy look so pained being next to girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt? Granted, she seems high-maintenance. But he just looks like he's been pulling out his hair from the stress - or is that just early male baldness? ZING!


+ Diablo Cody is one of the worst people. I am really anti celebrities who show up to red-carpet events dressed like schlubs. Like, what the fuck is this, from Sears' clearance rack? Negative.


+ Is this Lauren Conrad looking like a suitable human being, and not like she's actually wearing some of her own fashion designs? I like. Also, ZING! again.


+ I can't really respect Iranian actress Shohreh Aghdashloo, because she pulled the race-traitor card and played a terrorist on "24." But bitch is 57 FUCKING YEARS OLD and looks good as shit. Is that cleavage I see? Allah's probably not happy, but I am.


+ Umm ... why is Zooey Deschanel so poofy in this picture? Is there a little Ben Gibbard baby growing inside of her? I'm pretty sure that kid would trump Bronx Mowgli in terms of hipster cred - Pete and Ashlee better watch their asses.


+ Lastly, there's nothing to say about Aasif Mandvi except for that he's perfect and a gem in my comedian-loving heart. That is all.


+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo

I would probably kiss Ben Gibbard and like it.

For some reason I thought hipster chicks would be less insanely obsessed with their weight than like, the Heidi Montags of the world. I guess I forgot about how Lily Allen lost all that weight and now flaunts her awkward boobs all over the place, but I also like to pretend she doesn't exist, so there's that.

But anyway, Zooey Deschanel - the one Katy Perry looks uncomfortably like (Z on left, K on right) -


- is getting ready for her wedding to Death Cab for Cutie's Ben Gibbard this fall by slimming down, according to the New York Post. Granted, this is the New York Post, so about 90 percent of what they print is fiction. But, if by some off-chance, this shit is true, I don't even know what to say.

The woman looks like this:


What weight is there to even LOSE?! Ugh, more evidence bitches are crazy.

+ Photos courtesy of The Hot Hits, Portland Mercury