Dita > Michelle Tanner.

Now, there's one way to look like a crazy old lady, as done by Ashley Olsen at the Arts of Elysium gala Saturday -


- and then there's another way that makes me feel like Dita Von Teese just stopped by Michael's on her way to the event, bought a shit-ton of fake flowers cuz she thought they looked pretty and Super-Glued them on her sleeves in the car because she was bored and the drive was long and she already took care of her make-up beforehand.


That's just a guess, but I'm pretty sure it's accurate.

Oh, and also? Dita Von Teese's craziness is ALWAYS better than the Olsen twins. ALWAYS. Like, Ashley Olsen with purple lipstick? Annoying. Dita Von Teese with some cast-off from Elvira's closet? Baller. The woman used to sleep with Marilyn Manson and still survived! Bitch can do whatever she wants.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted

Celeb pairings, romantic and otherwise.

So in case you didn't know, one is the loneliest number. Who would have guessed? Look, it's just a rule: Things are always better in a pair. See, here's a Halloween-themed indication of this:


Yup, that's Linus and Sally. It's the Great Pumpkin, BITCHES.

Anyway, here are my favorite celebrity duos this week. Reasons vary, obvi.

1. Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda both look cute as hell while traipsing around New York City.


This makes me miss Heath Ledger. Boo to prescription drugs and ...

2. ... Yeah, that was a poor segue into a post about Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, but MK was supposedly having a relationship with Ledger when he died, so there you go. Anyway, the twins looked vaguely matronly (no surprise there) when launching their new juniors' line, Olsenboye, with JC Penney earlier this week.


Yes, them looking old while launching a line for teens is an awkward juxtaposition, but cheap clothes are nice, and Olsenboye will definitely be less obnoxious than Elizabeth and James, which is so expensive it makes my heart weep.

3. Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are dating, as evidenced by their both attending a hockey game together and going out to dinner this week. I only giggle at this because 1. Swift kind of looks possessed in the picture below ...


... and because 2. the idea of having sex with someone who is named the same thing as you confuses me. Wouldn't it be awkward to keep hearing the same name thrown out there/moaned back and forth? OK, they're teenagers, I'm creepy, whatever.

4. Lastly, I despise Kobe Bryant because he's a cocky bastard. However, I revel in this photo because his wife looks fat as they are leaving to attend some party after the Lakers' win over the Clippers earlier this week.


Trick what are those thighs? DELIGHTFUL. It's the small things that bring me joy, really.

+ Photos courtesy of ImageShack, OMG! Yahoo, Dlisted

Troll-dom, here I come!

Since when did American Eagle start making clothes that I actually like?

AE Relaxed Flannel Shirt, $39.50

I find this an uncomfortable development. Like watching your parents do it. OK, that's never happened to me. But I've seen it look awkward on TV, and that basically means I lived through it.

Seriously, though. Those shirts, paired with these shoes ...

Colonial Madness Stud Boot, $228

Colonial Madness Buckle Strap Heel, $168

... would help me along the path of eventually looking like an Olsen twin.


And as much as that sickens me, I think I kind of want that. Oh, and their little fortune, too.

+ Photos courtesy of American Eagle, Urban Outfitters, Photobucket