Trying to get back in business.

So I've been gone two weeks. My day job has started kicking my ass; my other writing on the side has been overwhelming; I have since ignored my blog. But no more - I'm going to really try and update this thing as often as I used to, with a better mix of music/celebrity/clothes. So I'll start off with a few things today that work well in all those fronts:

1. Rihanna's new music video for "Hard" is one of the most absurd things I've ever seen, and by that I mean, it's kind of boring and stupid and has this really uncomfortably military vibe which I just can't get behind. Why is there Arabic on the walls? Why is her misspelled Arabic tattoo so visible? Why is Young Jeezy pretending to be a soldier? Ugh fail, even though some of the outfits are so stupid that I love them (ahem, spiked shoulders).

Rihanna - New Music - More Music Videos

2. In Robert Downey Jr. news, the "Iron Man 2" trailer leaked, and while I didn't see the first one because I cared to stray away from its huge YAY AMERICA YAY message, I may have to see this. Mainly because Mickey Rourke with metallic whip arms is hilarious.



Oh and I find myself strangely attracted to RDJ. Especially when he looks like this on the red carpet:


P.S. Why was Blake Lively invited to that event? And why did she wear this Frederick's of Hollywood outfit there? So confusing.


P.P.S. Jonny Lee Miller was there too, even though he's not in the movie, either.


However, "Hackers" has been on HBO all week ...


... and OF COURSE I've watched it like four times by now, so I figure it's worth a mention.

3. Here's Shakira and her dude, Antonio de la Rua, out and about. They've been dating for about a decade now. I'm not OK with this. She could definitely upgrade. He looks kind of paunchy? Just a thought.


4. Designer Brian Lichtenberg, this guy,

is mass-making these one-shoulder dresses that Kim Kardashian wore to a few red-carpet events a couple of months ago and during her birthday (this one).

One Shoulder Dress in Red Velvet Leopard, $320

However, I would like this specific one.

One Shoulder Print Dress in Geometric Glitter and Velvet, $320

Does anyone have $320 I could borrow? Steal? Whichever. I'm not picky.

5. That awful movie "Fear" was just on HBO, and now "The Departed" is on FX. Oh Mark Wahlberg. Your dirty Boston self invades my dreams. Delicious.



+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Coffee and Code, Karmaloop, Photokat

The bitch is back, etc.

Hola, friends. It has been forever since we've talked. I've been busy, but I've missed you, hope you've been doing well, etc. - and here's some pictures to get this ball rolling again.

The American Music Awards were last night, and if you've been breathing this morning, you've already heard about how Adam Lambert humped a male dancer's face (uh, Prince and Davey Havok have been doing that for years, but whatever) and Jennifer Lopez fell while performing. Hilarity! But you know I'm all about the clothes, so here's my thoughts.

+ Pete Wentz, why are you dressing like a Goth stormtrooper? This is awful. Somewhere, George Lucas is weeping about your rampant use of pleather ... and are those knee-high boots? Foul.


+ Oh, Selena Gomez. You're so fucking boring. I'm not saying you should throw some titties out, but come ON. You're 17. Take some damn dressing risks. Also, your shoes look like you got them from Payless. You make more money than that; we all fucking know it.


+ It always scares me when I see pictures of Joe Perry, becuase I think I'm looking at the walking dead. This photo - and that hairstyle - ain't helping.


+ And, of course, to my final loves: Rihanna, who looked baller in this Marchesa dress and some bizarre bandage-inspired performance get-up ...


... and Shakira, who somehow managed to pull-off both a neon yellow dress and a black disco ball mini with some crucial amounts of delightful cleavage. Impressive, woman. Impressive.


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, The Superficial

Weekly hot bitch round-up.

So I haven't had Internet installed in my new apartment yet, which means my updates have been few and far between, as I'm sure you guys may have noticed. I'll try to make up for that today, firstly with this assortment of hot bitches I love/love to hate/want to hate but can't. You know the drill.

1. Halle Berry's family flew somewhere and landed somewhere. I don't really care about that. Instead, I honestly can't even comprehend this family's attractiveness (well, not the baby; that'd be creepy). But you get the idea.


2. Oh Shakira. Only your crazy, FOB-y self would rock dreads, knee-high patent boots and a spangly mini-skirt while performing at the MTV Europe VMAs. So absurd.


3. Why does Natalie Portman vex me so? I generally can't stand her, but in this rockabilly-themed photo shoot in V Magazine, I'm kind of into it. Maybe just because I like stupid hair and make-up. That's probably it.


4. How come Jared Leto looks younger now than he ever did as Jordan Catalano in "My So-Called Life?" I mean, I don't really give a fuck. Bitch is SO FINE. Plus, flannel and denim vests are my vices ...


5. Katy Perry just does such skanky things that I don't even have comments anymore. Really, woman? Light-up nipples?


And putting your boyfriend's name on your ass?


Sigh. My brain hurts.

6. Lastly, Taylor Swift is a crazy ex-girlfriend after my own heart by calling out Joe Jonas for being a cheating douchebag on "SNL" this weekend. Good form.



+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Dlisted, Popaholic, OMG! Yahoo, MTV

Stepping up on defense.

So a lot of blogs have been ragging lately on some recent outfits from Dita Von Teese and Shakira, and I've got to step up and defend two of my fave womenz.

For example, GoFugYourself crapped all over Dita's latest look:


While OMG! Yahoo both snarked about Shakira's Versace gown and her hair, which they said has "never looked more disappointing:"


Now, I may just have scarfed down too many Tylenols and bottles of Diet Coke this morning, but WTF is the issue here? Dita Von Teese is all about goofy, vaguely vintage looks, and I kind of find her head-piece charming. Plus, remember how she's not having sex with Marilyn Manson anymore? Isn't that always a plus?

And regarding Shakira - look, you naggity bitches. The woman's waist is like, 20 inches or something, and I'm pretty sure if Beyonce was wearing something like that people would be busting a nut. For example, does anyone remember this little number?


VERSACE IS MEANT TO BE WEIRD. GET WITH IT.

/End rant.

+ Photos courtersy of LaineyGossip, OMG! Yahoo, PhotoBucket

She wolves + stuff in my closet.

Shakira's "She Wolf" has basically inspired me in a lot of ways. Let me list:

1. Blonde hair? I think I could do it.
2. Using the word "lycanthropy" more often in casual conversation.
3. Bendiness.


So to express my inner ridiculousness, I've finally found my version of Amazon's infamous Three Wolves T-shirt, which was recently made even more obnoxiously famous thanks to Dwight on "The Office" -



- but anyway. So yeah, I'm pretty sure this shit is my jam:

The Tee Who Cried Wolf, $37.99

Neon colors AND fanged creatures? I'm down.

+ Photo courtesy of ModCloth, PopBytes, The Inspiration Room

This week's gossip - jigga what?

Things that have brought me joy so far this week, and why:

1. Bryan Singer returning to the "X-Men" franchise. I'm not saying the director is fantastic or anything - in fact, since his resume contains embarrassing shit like "Valkyrie" and "Superman Returns," he's been sucking lately - but he did make "The Usual Suspects," and the first two "X-Men" movies weren't completely awful. I just hope he's not doing the sequel to "Wolverine," because dear god that movie was fucking horrendous.

2. "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is in fact coming back to Bravo, even if the cast list hasn't been released. Regardless, VICTORY, my trend of trashy TV can continue; hopefully Teresa will come back. How could I not love a show that features a woman flipping a table at an elegant dinner party? I couldn't.



3. Miley Cyrus quits Twitter. THANK THE GODS. I'll just ignore her stupid "explanation rap" ...



... and continue dreaming of a day when that bitch is GONE, and not just from the Internet, friends. From the world.

4. Kanye West fails to show up at this weekend's BET Awards, while T.I. keeps winning awards from prison. This could mean a few things: 1. That West is in rehab/got disappeared? And 2. That T.I. is now fully a martyr for the going-to-prison cause. Probably both of those things. Lastly, how is T.I. STILL RELEASING VIDEOS?

T.I. - New Music - More Music Videos

I mean, I know Michael Jackson is still releasing singles even though he's dead, but he was as magical as a super-fantastic-mythical-unicorn. I'm sure he liked unicorns, right? They're just like little kids, I think.

5. Shakira looks hot as shit in the latest issue of i-D magazine ...



Christina Hendricks' breasts are awe-inspiring at her wedding this weekend (lame, btw) ...


and Dita von Teese continues to boost my opinions of lingerie. Sounds about right.


+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, PopBytes, Daily Mail

I came, I saw, I became pressed over.

All I've done today is stare at these things and want them. And yes, that includes Shakira.

1. Melody Ehsani's new line, which comes out Sept. 29. Here's a pic from a photo shoot/sneak preview of stuff coming out. Gun rings and parrot earrings - must-haves.


2. Dolce Vita Marley boots. Why can't they be $90 instead of $180? I'd even go with $100. But two Benjamins ... I don't know about that.


3. AWHOO!

VMAs - Donezo.

This year's VMAs are over; basically if you didn't watch you missed them hand out like eight awards total and then a bunch of OK-but-not-spectacular performances. Oh well.

Here are my last thoughts: Shakira and Pink both look pretty good.



And, as my boyfriend pointed out, both wearing the same dress. I hope that's why they're giggling here and they're not secretly wishing the other death or something.


Although, if they had the same stylist who gave them each the same dress, that shit would suck hard.

Until next year, then!

She Wolf!

I really can't help but admit that I have a soft spot in my heart for two things:

1. Skanks that are unabashedly skanky (cue: Ashley from "Rock of Love" and "Charm School with Ricki Lake," especially when she's saying "biiiiiiiiiitch")

2. Skanks that are unabashedly skanky ... and slut it up on the dancefloor like the unabashed skanks they are.

Case in point: My new obsession, Shakira's "She Wolf" video. This is some low-budget fuckery with high-class whoredom, a trick-in-arms with videos like Ciara's "Love Sex Magic," Britney's "I'm a Slave 4 U" and Kelis's "Milkshake." I'm in love/need a shower.

* Because Sony pulled some "copyright infringement" booshit and yanked all the copies of "She Wolf" off YouTube, here, watch it on MTV instead.

Shakira - New Music - More Music Videos