Monday, December 21, 2009

Sex, drugs, high heels, whatever.

Do you think I could be an honorary member of KISS?

That'd be sweet. I could handle sleeping with thousands of women! I mean, not really. But I'm down with getting the shoes that are needed for the role, obvi.

+ Photos courtesy of Solestruck, Endless

Stick hands, real hands, whatever.

I love me some James Franco, and I always find him hilarious, which is a great double whammy because he's also hot as shit. Ahem.

Anyway, he hosted "SNL" last night, which was the last episode of the decade and the second time he's hosted; the first was back in September 2008. The episode was funny and everything, but I must admit, my choice sketch of the night didn't even have Franco's pothead-sexy face. Instead, it had Andy Samberg as Mark Wahlberg. Stupid? Yes. Probably accurate? Also, yes.

But one last thing:

JAMES FRANCO, LET ME UNDRESS YOU. Best Christmas gift, ever.

+ Photos courtesy of SNL

Is it wrong to be attracted to an alien form of Sam Worthington? Don't care, doing it.

So I saw "Avatar" on Thursday night after tons of hype, and I basically liked it - I mean, how can I argue with this face? -

but I'm not really OK with the idea of some "Avatar" sequels, which director James Cameron apparently told MTV he plans on doing. I knew that he was thinking of branching out if the first did well (and it did; it made $27 million just on Friday), but I just feel like it could become a tremendous flop of "The Matrix Reloaded" and "Revolutions" proportions. Some movies aren't meant to be branched out into numerous entities, you know? That's just not the point.

However, I LOVE that bootleg versions of "Avatar" are already available for download. That kind of piracy makes me really, really happy. Fuck you corporations! I love you, but I hate you, and probably hate you more than I love you. Let's be realistic here.

+ Photo courtesy of MovieWeb

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Ugh, Tiger Woods!

My boyfriend refuses to talk to me about the Tiger Woods drama, mainly because he thinks it's getting covered by far too many outlets and is annoying, stupid, overblown, etc. I can understand all that, especially because this headline:

"Tiger ma furious at her cub,"

is SO FUCKING AWFUL. Fuck you, New York Post. Bad puns are why journalism is failing.

Alexander Wang, you complete me.

So I caved and bought these.

Merry Christmas to me!

However, they pale in comparison to the Alexander Wang shoes they're based on. I would cut a bitch for these.

And for their taller counterparts:

And, of course, the similarly designed spring sandals:

Knock-offs are always worse than designer, but hey, you take what you can get.

+ Photos courtesy of Solestruck, Opening Ceremony

I was just wondering if you found the Heart of the Ocean yet, Mr. Lovett.

The Noir jewelry line has been all up in my business for a while now - they created the spiked rings that both Rihanna and Lady Gaga wore recently -

- and even though the company's items are pricey as fuck, I'm still pressed. Just looked on their website and they have a shitload of new stuff in, most of which are shiny, spiked and totally useless for everyday wear. Duh; I want them.

Blake necklace, $260

Venus necklace, $435

Equinox necklace, $285

This necklace and bracelet set is totally my top pick:

And this one really reminds me of the Heart of the Ocean:

If Leo came with it, I would totally buy.

+ Photos courtesy of Noir Jewelry

Salma > Everyone > Sarah.

Why is Salma Hayek so fucking hot?

And Sarah Silverman so fucking awful?

If only I had life's answers ... and Salma's boobs. THAT'S ALL I WANT.

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Clothes, clothes, everywhere!

I'm a huge sucker for Target's Go International concept, which has designers like Anna Sui and Alexander McQueen designer lower-priced lines for the store. A full list of past seasons can be found here, and today the Rodarte collection hit Target's website - unsurprisingly, I want most of it.

Also unsurprisingly, the things I'm most interested in are already sold out:

So I'll settle for these instead:

+ Photos courtesy of Target

Remember how Ty almost died in that mall in "Clueless?" Well ...

Brittany Murphy died this morning, wtf? She was only 32! TMZ's the only place reporting it so far, but they were the first to report that Michael Jackson died back in the summer, so I believe it. I didn't especially like her as an actress, but anyone dying at as young as 32 is definitely depressing.

I will always remember her as Ty from "Clueless," back when she was still brunette and a little chubby and wasn't married to that creepy Simon Monjack guy. Whomp whomp.

+ Photo courtesy of I Love Your Party Dress

Peter Travers, who'd have thunk?

So there was this huge snowstorm this weekend in Washington, D.C., and I've been snowed in as a mad result. What's happened since we got hit with about two feet of the powdery stuff? I've had lots of ice cream, cookies and walked to Popeyes. SO MUCH cabin fever. I feel like I'm in the fucking "Shining" over here.

As a result, I've been surfing the Internet like crazy. My wireless went out last night for like an hour and I didn't know what the fuck to do with myself; I watched "Wanted" on HBO to pass the time. That was awful.

After a while, I stumbled upon various best-of-the-decade movie lists, though, and I was pleasantly surprised by the one Peter Travers did for Rolling Stone. Most of the other lists I've seen have kind of sucked - The Onion A.V. Club had "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" in the top spot, which I just can't get behind, and "Entertainment Weekly" had the LOTR trilogy, which I adore, but I don't know if they're No. 1 of the past 10 years - but Travers put together a pretty solid collection. Here's his rundown:

10. LOTR trilogy
9. Mystic River
8. The Departed
7. Brokeback Mountain
6. The Incredibles
5. No Country for Old Men
4. A History of Violence
3. Mulholland Drive
2. Children of Men
1. There Will Be Blood

I'm kind of surprised by a few things on the list, like "The Incredibles" and "A History of Violence," both of which I found annoying, and shocked that "Gladiator," "Pan's Labyrinth," "The Dark Knight" and "City of God" weren't on the list, because they were amazing films. But overall, good job, Travers. Given his enthusiasm for stupid action films (ahem, "Iron Man" and "Spider-Man 3," for example), I didn't know he had good taste in him.

Also, just for my personal amusement:

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dr. Grant, Clarice, Dr. Lecter, Patrick, Boromir, Aragorn ...

I saw these photos a few weeks ago, but I bookmarked the link on my computer because I'm guaranteed to grin at it every single fucking time. I don't even know the full details of this because the Livejournal entry is in some janky foreign language I can't understand, but the basic gist is that some photographer got actors to mimic some of their most iconic scenes for his photos. I like the "Jurassic Park" one the most:

But these others are pretty good, too.

+ Photos courtesy of

This is the kind of retarded shit I spend my money on.

Dumb shoes and jewelry are some of my favorite things. But even I have my limits.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

However, I'm not going to lie. I kind of want these. Yeah, yeah. I make retarded life decisions. I know.

+ Photos courtesy of Nasty Gal Vintage, Free People, Patricia Field

Sequins seem like they'd be uncomfortable on your lady parts.

So I'm not quite sure why I just got the Victoria's Secret holiday catalogue now, when it's exactly one week before Christmas, but whatever, I'll live. What the fuck was I going to do, ask my Muslim parents for lingerie? Sike to the max.

However, I still find these outfits fucking chuckle-worthy. Who really wants to dress up like a cabaret slut? Do people really do this in real life? More power to you, I guess.

Here are my fave absurdities:

Trying to get back in business.

So I've been gone two weeks. My day job has started kicking my ass; my other writing on the side has been overwhelming; I have since ignored my blog. But no more - I'm going to really try and update this thing as often as I used to, with a better mix of music/celebrity/clothes. So I'll start off with a few things today that work well in all those fronts:

1. Rihanna's new music video for "Hard" is one of the most absurd things I've ever seen, and by that I mean, it's kind of boring and stupid and has this really uncomfortably military vibe which I just can't get behind. Why is there Arabic on the walls? Why is her misspelled Arabic tattoo so visible? Why is Young Jeezy pretending to be a soldier? Ugh fail, even though some of the outfits are so stupid that I love them (ahem, spiked shoulders).

2. In Robert Downey Jr. news, the "Iron Man 2" trailer leaked, and while I didn't see the first one because I cared to stray away from its huge YAY AMERICA YAY message, I may have to see this. Mainly because Mickey Rourke with metallic whip arms is hilarious.

Oh and I find myself strangely attracted to RDJ. Especially when he looks like this on the red carpet:

P.S. Why was Blake Lively invited to that event? And why did she wear this Frederick's of Hollywood outfit there? So confusing.

P.P.S. Jonny Lee Miller was there too, even though he's not in the movie, either.

However, "Hackers" has been on HBO all week ...

... and OF COURSE I've watched it like four times by now, so I figure it's worth a mention.

3. Here's Shakira and her dude, Antonio de la Rua, out and about. They've been dating for about a decade now. I'm not OK with this. She could definitely upgrade. He looks kind of paunchy? Just a thought.

4. Designer Brian Lichtenberg, this guy,

is mass-making these one-shoulder dresses that Kim Kardashian wore to a few red-carpet events a couple of months ago and during her birthday (this one).

However, I would like this specific one.

Does anyone have $320 I could borrow? Steal? Whichever. I'm not picky.

5. That awful movie "Fear" was just on HBO, and now "The Departed" is on FX. Oh Mark Wahlberg. Your dirty Boston self invades my dreams. Delicious.

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Coffee and Code, Karmaloop, Photokat