God, James Cameron is SUCH a douche.

So the other day I was actually really pissed off at Sigourney Weaver for saying that the only reason Kathryn Bigelow and "The Hurt Locker" won at this year's Oscars were because she was a woman, which is such a fucking bizarre thing for Weaver to say. Sure, Weaver kind of owes her film career to James Cameron and the "Alien" franchise (them then) ...


and she was in "Avatar" (them now).


But ... she's ALSO A WOMAN. So I don't get the seemingly hypocritical haterade. However, I similarly don't get why Cameron thinks it's OK to help out an Amazon tribe's fight against some huge dam, when his only experience with environmentalism is copying "Fern Gully." So now he's a huge environmentalist or whatever, but you know what also comes out right about now?


Yup, "Avatar" on DVD - on fucking Earth Day, no less. I'm not saying he's an entirely heartless, press-loving opportunist. But I am saying he has impeccable timing, no? (Sarcasm. Sense the sarcasm.)

+ Photo courtesy of Shopping Blog, NewsOK, Starpulse

Well, I just dunno.

I often have super-strong opinions about things. Like, how much I fucking hate Miley Cyrus for saying her dream boyfriend is Kurt Cobain. Bitch, you are retarded and like, two decades late.

But on these, I'm not so sure ... like, I understand their merit. But I'm also bummed.

1. James Cameron confirms he's going to update "Titanic" with 3-D effects and release the film in 2012, the 100th anniversary of the ship's sinking. Sigh. Why, James Cameron, why? I'm watching "Titanic" now on TNT and it's perfectly fine.


It's actually quite good. Is this just another attempt to get the No. 1 film in the world - like, have 3-D "Titanic" be No. 1, and then "Avatar" be No. 2, and then regular "Titanic" at No. 3? God, James Cameron, you're the worst.

2. I guess I'm late on this, but I didn't know that Christopher Nolan is actively working on a "Superman" film. Apparently it would be like "Batman Begins" and somewhat of a departure from all the previous "Superman" flicks, and I'm OK with that, because some of them are horrible (ahem, "Superman Returns"). But I just can't see the kind of dark, macabre tone from "Batman Begins" adapted to the shiny, staunchly uptight world of "Superman."


And yeah, I know that story also mentions that a third "Batman" film is still being discussed, but I want all Michael Caine and Christian Bale, all the time! I'm not even going to bring up Heath Ledger, cuz I'll weep. Yup, I feel the tears now.

3. I have the Jeffrey Campbell Tick, so I can't pretend that I totally hate these. But they're just ... so confusing.

Giggle Tick Shoe by Jeffrey Campbell, $200

So many cut-outs! So much pleather! I feel nauseous. And am determinedly not reaching for my credit card.

+ Photos courtesy of Fanpop, ObsessedwithFilm, Karmaloop

Who else is flipping between Aziz and Golden Globe dresses besides me?

Watching Aziz Ansari's "Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening," which is hilarious, as expected; my boyfriend had read somewhere that to prepare for the douchey character he plays in "Funny People," Ansari did a tour in that over-the-top, Dane Cook-like persona, and that is pretty much exactly what this is. Jokes about M.I.A.'s boobs, his fat cousin Harris and watching Kanye West look out of his telescope at a neighbor with big titties? I love it!

But yeah, during the commercials, I've also been rapidly checking on whether there are any online photo albums of all the Golden Globe entrances, and yes, victory! OMG! Yahoo can always be depended on to provide me with dumb shit. And so, here we go: The best, worst and most meh?!, in my opinion. And yes, meh?! needs its own category. Trust me.

P.S. This is a long post. Deal with it.

THE BEST

Drew Barrymore: Yeah, she's annoying in real life, but now that the promotion for "Whip It!" is over, she's started dressing like a human again - thankfully.


Mariah Carey: I really just have to applaud her for being able to fit into this dress. Wrapped up in plastic wrap and sucking in like crazy? Fuck, I hope so. Also, can I get married so I can make my D-list husband hold my umbrella for me at public events? Kthx.


Marion Cotillard: There's nothing for me to say except for that I love this crazy French bitch. So many weird clothes that make me adore her. SO MANY.


Neil Patrick Harris: He's just a charming gay man. Charming, charming, CHARMING. He could wear the clothes of a fucking homeless man who was loitering outside the Golden Globe Awards and I'd still be salivating over it.


Diane Kruger: She was annoying in "Troy," if only because she really did nothing except make out with Orlando Boom (why not ME?!), but there's something about her performance in "Inglourious Basterds" that I can really get behind.


You know, the movie with these dudes: Eli Roth, Melanie Laurent and Quentin Tarantino, who all look pretty dapper.


Oh, and she's also dating Pacey/Joshua Jackson. So like, I can always fucking support that hot piece.


Mickey Rourke: Yeah dude, wear that stupid fucking cowboy hat! Only you, Mickey Rourke. Only your beastly self.


Tracey Morgan: Tracy (Yup, I misspelled it as "Tracey" and then my boyfriend corrected me. Fuck you.) Morgan also gets a Rourke-like pass, because who else could get away with color-coordinating their umbrella and handkerchief? Like, seriously.


Robert Downey Jr.: And well, he's just RDJ. There are no other explanations necessary.


When it comes to weirdness, Catherine Hendricks (oh god, that cleavage), Anna Paquin and Chloe Sevigny take the cake: Dresses that look like cupcakes and disco balls? Yes, plz!





Oh, and it's good to see that Courtney Cox-Arquette and Helen Mirren are also still drinking from the fountain of youth/whatever baby blood Madonna is sucking on to stay looking hot and trim and fit. I don't think it's fair that these women look better at their age than I do now, but sigh, credit where it's due.



THE WORST

Fergie-Ferg: Why is she wearing what looks like a rejected prom dress from the late '90s or from a bargain rack at David's Bridal? Fail.


Julianne Moore: I just don't get it. Like ... some slouchy off-shoulder mess with a big ugly seam? Pass, plz.


Tina Fey: I've begun to appreciate Tina Fey more since my boyfriend has started making me watch "30 Rock" more often, but this dress is not cutting it. Why so much "Little House on the Prairie" influence? Ugh.


Téa Leoni: I can understand that not everyone wants to wear an evening dress. But really, a button-down oxford and some dowdy looking skirt? Didn't Sharon Stone already do that on the red carpet once or something? I'm not saying be like Sharon Stone, because bitch is crazy, but don't copy her, either.


MEH?!

Sandra Bullock: There's a lot about this that reminds me of a fairy doll or My Little Pony or something. The color scheme and the shininess? Probably, yeah.


Zoe Saldana: So much fabric ... for such a skinny person.


Jane Lynch: I don't dislike it, it's just lots of taffeta and lots of green and kind of reminds me of Christmas decorations. Ooh, like a shiny plastic Christmas tree! Where are the presents? ... OK, I just went into an unhappy place where I thought of Jane Lynch's genitalia as presents. I have to stop writing about this now.


Heather Graham: There's a lot of one boob and little of another ... the unevenness irks me. I am anal, after all.


Maggie Gyllenhaal: I'm usually a fan of her stupid clothing choices, but the color is just washing her the fuck out. And for someone already that pale, it's just a creepy, corpse-like demeanor that is not. Where's Peter Sarsgaard? Save me, Charles Lane! ("Shattered Glass" reference; yes, I'm just that journalism-nerdy.)


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Today's WTF moments, brought to you by me.

So while I'm watching Amir Sadollah (this guy) unleash a smackdown on Brad Blackburn (this other guy) on UFC Fight Night on Spike, I'm also canvassing a list of today's most ridiculous news. Why? Because there was a lot of it. Trust me.

1. The No Pants Subway Ride went down worldwide this weekend. I'm usually OK with people doing whatever they went on subways, especially because on the Metro in Washington, D.C., I'm a big fan of chomping on snacks, despite the no-food rule. However, as a person who thoroughly enjoys snacks, I also recognize that sometimes people NEED PANTS.


Like, really? I don't want to see all of your nudity/cellulite/thighs. Quit that shit! I hate having to think about other people's fat bits when I'm sitting on a Metro seat that probably has been brushed against by your nude lardness. Sigh, nast.

2. The Associated Press wrote some story today with the headline "Some see racist theme in alien adventure 'Avatar,'" and all I have to say is, REALLY? Honestly? Of course people fucking saw racist themes in "Avatar." It's a movie about white colonization in an alien-populated planet, where all the people are really athletic and connected with the Earth. I'm not saying that they're supposed to be black, or at least NATIVES of some kind, but ... OK, that's basically what I'm fucking saying. But it's true.

Nevertheless, I don't really agree with the idea that the film is "racist," per se, but I do think it deals with race in a way most films do: With a white male protagonist who learns to alter his ways by coming into contact with another ethnicity or culture. Is that an inherently racist premise? I don't think so. But hey, I'm just a brown girl with a white boyfriend ... you know, EXACTLY LIKE "Avatar."


I basically am Neytiri. Just saying.

3. In yet another retardedly offensive move, FOX News has signed Sarah Palin to be a commentator on their network.


I worry for America. But seriously, does this continue FOX News's track record of having douchey, un-knowledgeable "experts" espouse bigoted, under-developed ideas on politics? Yes. So am I surprised? No. Just filled with righteous indignation, that's all.

4. Apparently, if I'm chilling in Washington, D.C., and carrying more than three condoms in my pocket or purse, the cops can pick me up for prostitution. Now, I'm not saying I PLAN on carrying around a Trojan economy size pack of condoms or anything, but the fact that cops can just arrest me on the suspicion of trickin' is not cool. I know I post a lot of skanky clothes on this blog, but shit! I'm not trying to frump it up (well, more so than usually, that is) just to avoid getting picked up (pun intended) by the fuzz. I got better shit to do, like write in my blog - obviously.

4. In one of the only good pieces of news to come out of today, Nike is making shoes based specifically on one sweater Bill Cosby wore during an episode of "The Cosby Show."


Yup, that means the Cosby sweater will now be on people's feet. Specifically, my feet - as, soon, as, fucking, possible.

+ Photos courtesy of ABC News, SciFi Scoop, Sarah Palin Blog, Dr. Jays

2010, go AWAY!

So I've been away about three weeks; I figure it's time to get back to business. And because I'm stupidly masochistic, why not start with the three things that have irked me so far this weekend? OK, go!

1. Miley Cyrus announces that she's ending "Hannah Montana" after this fourth season to focus on more adult roles. What does that even mean? She's not a good actress. I don't need her polluting actual cinema. She's still a fucking child who raps on YouTube and dresses like a 12-year-old from 1986. My hopes aren't high for "The Last Song," obviously.



2. Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood get engaged. Awesome. I mean, she is the skankbag that broke up his marriage to Dita von Teese, so in a way, I'm grateful, because it means Dita now gets to date hot pieces like this, some French guy named Louis Marie de Castelbajac:


However, it also means that more videos like "Heart-Shaped Glasses" could occur, which would probably make me vomit up the fritter I just ate. Blueberry. Thank you, Amish market.



3. "Avatar" is on track to make more money than "Titanic," making it the highest-grossing film ever. Now, I didn't hate "Avatar" or anything? BUT I pretty much worship Leonardo DiCaprio, so I'm not down with this. Also, "The Dark Knight" > "Avatar," any fucking day of the week, so it's pretty lame that James Cameron will masturbate to his own success every night while thinking up stupid ideas for the "Avatar" sequel. The guy is old.


That's not a pretty picture.

However, all of these pale in comparison to this list The Wall Street Journal came up with: The 200 best and worst jobs of 2010, which ranks the professions and their starting, average and highest income levels. Where does newspaper journalist come in on the list? Yup, way down low:

184

REPORTER (NEWSPAPER)

$20,000

$35,000

$77,000

And that's behind other fantastic-sounding professions like:

156

DISHWASHER

$14,000

$17,000

$22,000

131

MAID

$15,000

$19,000

$29,000

122

VENDING MACHINE REPAIRER

$18,000

$30,000

$46,000

67

FORKLIFT OPERATOR

$20,000

$29,000

$45,000

And my personal favorite:

11

PHILOSOPHER

$33,000

$60,000

$105,000

MAN. If only I had known that a fucking degree in philosophy, one of the MOST USELESS OF MAJORS, would have served me better than four years spent learning how to write and edit, I probably would have toiled away arguing about the validity of stupid questions instead. What's the meaning of life? To never read the fucking WSJ ever again, and hence make my future as a newspaper reporter even more perilous. I'm shooting myself in the foot, but take that, Rupert Murdoch, you Australian douche!

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, MTV

Is it wrong to be attracted to an alien form of Sam Worthington? Don't care, doing it.

So I saw "Avatar" on Thursday night after tons of hype, and I basically liked it - I mean, how can I argue with this face? -


but I'm not really OK with the idea of some "Avatar" sequels, which director James Cameron apparently told MTV he plans on doing. I knew that he was thinking of branching out if the first did well (and it did; it made $27 million just on Friday), but I just feel like it could become a tremendous flop of "The Matrix Reloaded" and "Revolutions" proportions. Some movies aren't meant to be branched out into numerous entities, you know? That's just not the point.

However, I LOVE that bootleg versions of "Avatar" are already available for download. That kind of piracy makes me really, really happy. Fuck you corporations! I love you, but I hate you, and probably hate you more than I love you. Let's be realistic here.

+ Photo courtesy of MovieWeb

James Cameron, what's up, player?

I keep thinking I'm going to hate "Avatar." And then I watch the trailer (the second one just leaked, and is below or linked to YouTube here) and kind of look forward to it again.



Finally, I just land on the idea that nothing James Cameron does can ever be as good as "Aliens"-


- or "T2" -


- or YES, EVEN "TITANIC" -


but I don't mind if he keeps trying.

+ Photos courtesy of IMDB, Photobucket, JamesCameron.org

Jack Dawson vs. James Cameron

Let's talk about how before "Inglourious Basterds" last night, they also showed trailers for "Avatar" and "Shutter Island." Because while I am wholly confident that "Shutter Island" will be fucking amazing ...



... and I still weep on the inside for its now-February release date, I don't know about "Avatar."



Granted, James Cameron is the man who made "The Terminator," "T2" and "Titanic" (all of which I probably love equally; don't judge me), but "Avatar" just looks goofy as fuck. And while the trailer tries real hard to make it majestic, I don't know if I buy it. I guess I'll have to wait until December to find out? But let's make this clear. I'm not paying to watch that shit (even though Sam Worthington, who was "Terminator Salvation," is a hot piece).


Internet piracy, here I come!

+ Photo courtesy LA Times