Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Teens shouldn't have choices!

... You know why? Because they give awards to things like "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" (Choice Movie Action Adventure); "27 Dresses" (Choice Movie Chick Flick); Megan Fox (Choice Summer Movie Star Female); Tom Welling (Choice TV Actor Action Adventure) who stars in "Smallville," which I didn't even know was still on the air; Ryan Sheckler (Choice Male Action Sports Athlete); Bo, the Obama family's dog (Choice Celebrity Pet); and Honor Marie Warren, Jessica Alba's daughter (Choice Celebrity Baby).

So ... I reiterate. Teenagers shouldn't be given the power of making decisions, because they give awards to dogs, babies and Megan Fox. That's all equally idiotic, I think.

Also stupid: the following five people, who were definitely the worst dressed of the night. Surprisingly, Fergie (who often knowingly does this in public) is not on this list. Shocking, I know.

+ Kristen Bell, who was so fantastic on the short-lived "Veronica Mars" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," should not wear jumpsuits. Because no one should wear jumpsuits. Ever.

+ After "Gilmore Girls" went off the air in 2007, Alexis Bledel has done little except play a whore in "Sin City" and amuse prepubescents in "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" films. She stars in the upcoming film "Post Grad," but someone who used to be a model should know better than to wear a reject '80s prom dress that looks discarded from the costume closet of "The Wedding Singer" or something.

+ Kat Von D looked fine like this.

Yes, she was getting a little curvier (although this shit is stupendously unflattering), but there wasn't a need to (theoretically) go on a coke binge, bleach her hair and end up like this, was there?

Because, ew. Trick eat a sandwich!

+ IMDB tells me that Keana Texeira has been on seven episodes of some TLC show called "REAL SIMPLE. REAL LIFE," was "rock-throwing girl" in "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" and will appear in two films - "Jelly" and "A Woman Called Job" - later this year, neither of which seems like it will get her any more name-recognition. So, one, why was she invited to this shindig, and two, does she have some kind of evil stepmother that tore up her dress before she left the house? Did she get caught in an elevator? Did a mob accost her before she showed up on the red carpet? WHAT CAUSED THIS AWFUL TORE-UP-FROM-THE-FLOOR-UP CONDITION?!

+ Dear Kristen Stewart,

Wash. Your. Fucking. Face.



P.S. Tell Robert Pattinson I love him.

+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo, Bella Sugar, The Associated Press, Stupid Celebrities

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