Kat Von D is still dating Bam Margera, but this is a win in my book.

You know, I think it's pretty interesting that Kat Von D, well-known fan of crazy hair colors and vagina-flashing leggings (and apparently strange posed pictures with Nick Cannon) ...


... looks better than most other people at E!'s 20th birthday bash Monday at the London Hotel in West Hollywood. Especially when compared to Kelly Rowland, who used to be in Destiny's Child and made millions of dollars with one of the hottest girl-groups ever and yet can't seem to wear a suit that doesn't make her look like a fucking pile of vomit some kid threw up after eating too much Halloween candy.


And don't make a face, we've all done it. All fat kids are the same! It's our life's burden - we cry, eat, repeat. It's a system.


I'm sure Khloe knows what I'm talking about. I'm guessing Quick Trim just pays for her to wear Spanx and whore products out with Kim, because ... I mean, that seems a lot easier than exercising.

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

So. Much. Red.

I understand the concept of matching your hair to your shoes.


But I think Kat Von D, who showed up at an event Thursday celebrating the 15th anniversary of the Victoria's Secret Swim Catalogue, has taken this ... too seriously.

+ Photo courtesy OMG! Yahoo

Kat Von D, why?!

So Michael K of Dlisted guesses that Kat Von D got some work done based on these pictures of her at Saturday's At of Elysium's charity event in Los Angeles, and I ... kind of agree. Here was Kat Von D last night ...



... and here she was back at some event in February 2009 ...


... and, more recently, here she is in the latest issue of Inked magazine, for February 2010.



Now, I know magazines work months in advance, and I ALSO know a thing or two about plastic surgery, given that I'm Iranian and nose-jobs are like, a rite of passage for my people. And, I must say, Kat Von D's nose is looking a little more narrow, and her lips are looking a little more plump, and her eyebrows a little more arched. She doesn't look like she fell into a vat of acid, like Rose McGowan now does, but she's looking a bit meh. This shouldn't really surprise me, because she's covered in tattoos and obviously doesn't mind altering her body, but I kind of hoped Kat Von D would be above that whole vanity-surgery-thing.


And also above ugly dresses. Bummer on both fronts.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, StupidCelebrities, Now That's Pimpin'

It's fugging up my life when I'm with you. (Slightly NSFW)

Thanks to the VMAs and ALMAs, there have been a lot of nasty outfits going around lately; it's kind of like fashion swine flu. These five are definitely my recent faves:

1. I really don't like that Selena Gomez always looks like she's going to the prom or to a wedding as a tacky bridesmaid when she's on the red carpet. I'm not saying she should look like an epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something, but I do think she should look young and fresh and not old and beat.


2. I'm just gonna go ahead and quote myself on this one: "An epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something."


3. I adore Leona Lewis; I think she's an amazing talent and could rival Beyonce in the United States if she had better publicity. But trying to be edgy with this unnecessary corset is not helping her case.


4. I hate when celebrities wear American Apparel at large events and awards shows; I've railed against it numerous times in this blog. And while I don't really agree with Yahoo, who said Kat Von D "delivered the trash" at the ALMA Awards with this outfit, I do think that the sheer dress coupled with the American Apparel shorts and tube bra AND that janky wig just makes one awful sight.


5. I am just waiting for Lady Gaga to be completely naked onstage one day, like Macy Gray did a few years ago. Because like, throwing out titties is almost commonplace now; Lil Kim and Janet Jackson were doing that shit years ago, and even Rihanna is letting her nipples hang out while just running errands.


So this photo really doesn't shock me. I'd rather Gaga whip her vagina out and PUT IT ALL ON THE TABLE. That would truly get her the kind of attention she's looking for, I imagine.


+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Yahoo

Teens shouldn't have choices!

... You know why? Because they give awards to things like "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" (Choice Movie Action Adventure); "27 Dresses" (Choice Movie Chick Flick); Megan Fox (Choice Summer Movie Star Female); Tom Welling (Choice TV Actor Action Adventure) who stars in "Smallville," which I didn't even know was still on the air; Ryan Sheckler (Choice Male Action Sports Athlete); Bo, the Obama family's dog (Choice Celebrity Pet); and Honor Marie Warren, Jessica Alba's daughter (Choice Celebrity Baby).

So ... I reiterate. Teenagers shouldn't be given the power of making decisions, because they give awards to dogs, babies and Megan Fox. That's all equally idiotic, I think.

Also stupid: the following five people, who were definitely the worst dressed of the night. Surprisingly, Fergie (who often knowingly does this in public) is not on this list. Shocking, I know.

+ Kristen Bell, who was so fantastic on the short-lived "Veronica Mars" and "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," should not wear jumpsuits. Because no one should wear jumpsuits. Ever.


+ After "Gilmore Girls" went off the air in 2007, Alexis Bledel has done little except play a whore in "Sin City" and amuse prepubescents in "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" films. She stars in the upcoming film "Post Grad," but someone who used to be a model should know better than to wear a reject '80s prom dress that looks discarded from the costume closet of "The Wedding Singer" or something.


+ Kat Von D looked fine like this.

Yes, she was getting a little curvier (although this shit is stupendously unflattering), but there wasn't a need to (theoretically) go on a coke binge, bleach her hair and end up like this, was there?


Because, ew. Trick eat a sandwich!

+ IMDB tells me that Keana Texeira has been on seven episodes of some TLC show called "REAL SIMPLE. REAL LIFE," was "rock-throwing girl" in "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" and will appear in two films - "Jelly" and "A Woman Called Job" - later this year, neither of which seems like it will get her any more name-recognition. So, one, why was she invited to this shindig, and two, does she have some kind of evil stepmother that tore up her dress before she left the house? Did she get caught in an elevator? Did a mob accost her before she showed up on the red carpet? WHAT CAUSED THIS AWFUL TORE-UP-FROM-THE-FLOOR-UP CONDITION?!


+ Dear Kristen Stewart,

Wash. Your. Fucking. Face.

Spitefully,

Me.


P.S. Tell Robert Pattinson I love him.


+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo, Bella Sugar, The Associated Press, Stupid Celebrities