Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The $1 million question.

So, long story short: ABC's scraping the bottom of the network barrel; got their second-lowest ratings ever last week; had to turn to Regis Philbin to bring back "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" as a primetime offering so that the network wouldn't fail completely; Philbin showed Meredith Vieira how it's done; "Millionaire" gave ABC its biggest summer Sunday audience in two years.

On the surface: Great. Yet ... not only does that suck for ABC because they dominate so much during the fall with "Grey's Anatomy" and "Lost," but ... what the fuck are they going to do when Philbin dies? Cuz like, that day has to be coming, right? Unless he's got some kind of Dorian Gray-like deal with the devil (or has the same facelift guy as Dick Clark), the end must be near.

Shit, I'm surprised he hasn't taken his own life in order to get away from Kelly Ripa. Her little Hayden Panettiere-like body freaks the fuck out of me. This is her only redeeming moment:

Yeah, put Clay Aiken in his place! Now if someone could massacre the Claymates en masse, that'd be choice.

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