Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Run it ... off to community service! Chris Brown finally sentenced!

I'm really pleased that the judge who sentenced Chris Brown yesterday wasn't a fucking idiot. According to People, the judge - who gave Brown five years of probation; 1,400 hours of community service doing shit like cleaning up graffiti and washing cars in his home state of Virginia (MUST FIND and KILL, as VA is close to me); and a year of domestic violence classes - basically told the 20-year-old singer that he's a massive douchebag who got off easy.

Toward the end of the hearing, Judge Schnegg warned Brown, in an apparent reference to reports that the two singers may have had contact against court order: "I'm not immune to any chatter on the airwaves. Do you understand, Mr. Brown, that any violation of this order is a violation of your probation and it comes with the possible penalty of prison?" Brown responded "Yes."

Schnegg also ordered Brown "not to have any communication with Rihanna for the next five years, which includes phone and email contact. Brown was also ordered not to come within 100 yards of Rihanna – 10 yards if they're both at the same event." This is pretty much in direct opposition to Rihanna's request for lesser restrictions. She probably requested that shit cuz she's a fucking idiot. I mean, look at this outfit. Does this not prove her stupidity?

Anyway, I wish Brown had pissed his pants, the dickbag. Instead, while People claims he "looked solemn," it looks like he's having a grand old time not having to go to prison and get continuously ass-raped, both in this picture from the trial and this one where he's partying it up afterward.

People also wrote yesterday about how court documents from the sentencing described the couple's violent relationship. Here are some deets: She slapped him, he pushed her into a wall; they got in an argument while driving around, he got out of the car and smashed the driver and passenger windows; and the latest fight started after Rihanna supposedly found texts from one of Brown's old hags, slammed her fists against the dashboard and then got her face bashed in. Yay, healthy relationships!

So ... while they've both acted ridiculously dumbly, I still hope someone hits Brown with a car when he's trying to wash it for his community service booshit. That person may be me, so if you all could provide an alibi, that'd be great.

+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Dlisted

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