Epic fail: Hollywood, youth, Mattel.

Lots of dumb news coming out of Hollywood and the media world this week. Not surprising, I suppose. Here are my fave fives:

1. Thom Yorke, Muse and the Killers are all giving songs to the "New Moon" soundtrack. Like, I'm not going to front. I'm excited for "New Moon" because I'm a pansy bitch who needs Robert Pattinson in my life. But the fact that actually good musicians (well, at least Muse) keep getting sucked into the vortex of "Twilight" films is annoying, because then that means more prepubescent screaming teens will learn about music I like and then get their upper-middle-class parents to buy tickets to concerts that I want to go to, which THEN means that those annoying children and their stupid parents will be at said shows, ruining my life. Infuriating.

2. Dude, are Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom actually getting married or not? WHAT'S THE JIG? I guess we'll see come Sunday, but part of hopes this isn't some humongous publicity stunt or something. I kind of would have expected that from Kourtney or Kim, but not the chunky other sister! I would hope she could just get love and grab onto it. You know, like any golddigger would.

3. Heather Locklear will join the CW's remake of "Melrose Place," and that hurts me. "Melrose Place" was one of the trashiest, best shows of the '90s in how primetime soap-opera-like it was, and that shit should stay in our memories.


The CW's remake seems superficial and vapid (and has Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, gross) ...


... and I mean, so was the original, but in a GOOD, groundbreaking way; this is in a rehashed, fake way. And Locklear should not be gracing it with her presence; that suggests that she approves of it. And I do not approve of that.

4. More people than ever are entering college and grad school as journalism majors. Could that stop, please? The industry is failing. People are clinging to their jobs while these kids dream of being able to "recast and remake journalism," and that's retarded. Maybe I'm just a bitter old trick, but I'm pretty sure we don't need any more competition from these young upstarts; thx.

5. Barbie is getting a live-action film. Do people not remember "Bratz: The Movie?" Ugh.



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