Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Getting gifts is nice, but candy and STDs are better.

Halloween is the best holiday of all, and I'll admit the reason we're all thinking: Because girls can act like humongous sluts with no consequences. To quote Dave Chappelle, we're talking about whore's uniforms - and the uppityness that comes with it.

Basically, Halloween means that girls dress like skanks; I laugh at them; secretly want my own slutty get-ups; the cycle of life continues. Here are some costumes that I really would consider getting if they weren't expensive as fuck, and come on, Halloween get-ups are not a sound investment. You're not going to wear this shit again for a year. Not even I, obsessive-compulsive spender, can justify that. I'll just adore from afar.

1. Some bootleg Princess Jasmine shit.

2. Some bootleg Jessica Rabbit shit.

3. Viking mythology? Really? Yes, really.

4. Star Trek. STFU.

Yet, before I wrap this up, one last thought. Target also has three "Miami Ink" costumes (see them here) - which are not only stupid because they are officially licensed, but also because they seem eerily like Kat Von D ... who parted with "Miami Ink" pretty shittily before getting her own show, "L.A. Ink." So it all seems vaguely hypocritical of the people behind "Miami Ink" to officially license costumes that look like her when they essentially kicked her off the show for not getting along with Ami James (nasty, by the way).

BUT ANYWAY, my boyfriend recently informed me that there's a new porn coming out based on the show called "L.A. Pink." Disgusting? Yes. Also suggestive of many skeezy boyfriends buying their ladyfriends these costumes in an attempt to get them to recreate scenes from said porn? Probably.

+ Photos courtesy of Candyland, Buy Costumes

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