Sunday, September 20, 2009

They're no Oscars, but the Emmys are still important, I guess.

I mean, they're at least important in the sense that they give me pretty clothes to look at. Although, after tonight, I think I'm going to take a break from awards shows for a little while. There's been too many these past few weeks! I can't handle it; it's too many dresses at once and I get all confuddled.

So here's the last hurrah for now:

The prettiest:

Mindy Kaling! God I love this bitch. She is SO FUCKING ANNOYING as Kelly on "The Office," but she's also one of the masterminds behind the show, and I have to respect that. Also, such a pretty color; I'm all about bright jewel tones.

Mila's eyes basically look like she's trying to rape and fight the camera at the same time. And as a heterosexual female, I want that.

Thank the gods, Drew Barrymore hid that awful weave of hers in an up-do. And really, that's enough to get on this list.

Only hipster queen Chloe Sevigny could get away with wearing fucking polka dots on the red carpet. Crazy bitch! This level of insanity doesn't compare to giving Vincent Gallo a real blowjob in "The Brown Bunny," but still.

The "What the fuckity fuck?" group:

Here's Andy Samberg, who I can usually stand, with Joanna Newsom, an indie harp player who I literally hope dies a thousand fucking deaths. She basically sounds like Minnie Mouse on crack while scooping up helium. It's AWFUL. So shame on you, Samberg.

I normally love me some Tina Fey. But this dress is so boring and funeral-like; it just seems totally uninspired. Like, "Yeah, '30 Rock' is nominated for more awards than any other show this year, but whatevz," was her thought process or something. The show did win for Best Comedy again this year, though, so props.

Who keeps inviting Shar Jackson to things? I didn't know that birthing Kevin Federline's children before he met Britney Spears gave you a guaranteed pass through life. Where can I sign up?

Why is there so much extra fabric on Sarah Silverman's sides? It's like the Renaissance came and threw up mesh overlay everywhere, and she wasn't bothered enough to clean it up. Nast.

The people who organize these awards shows have to be inviting Phoebe Price as some kind of inside joke, right? Because if she can became famous just for PRETENDING TO BE FAMOUS, then I may have a chance. But I don't know if I actually want it, when she's blazing the way ... ugh.

Did Justin Timberlake go back to 1999 and get his awkwardly curly fro back? NOT A GOOD MOVE.

And the men that make my life lust-filled (so much heart-fluttering going on right now):

Emily Blunt is marrying John Krasinski; that lucky skank. Must add her to my death wishlist.

David Boreanaz, I'm just going to pretend that you're pointing at me because you love me. And because you're actually Angel, just pretending to be an actor, to keep up an image of normalcy. That's sane of me to want, right?

+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo

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