Rain = suxx.

Washington, D.C., and its surrounding suburbs are under some CRAZY RAIN ARMAGEDDON alert today, so basically looking outside is uber-dreary. This is the kind of day where, if I were still in college, I would ditch all my classes and hang out in my room and watch reruns of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" or something, and only brave the outside for frozen yogurt, a huge cup of Diet Dr Pepper and a veggie burger with extra relish and honey mustard. I make really gross food choices, it's true.

Today, probably cuz of all the moping around while I'm at work, has created a mixed gossip bag. See?

1. Kanye West is applying for a master's in fashion from Central Saint Martins College in London; former students there include M.I.A. and Stella McCartney, the former of whom made some crazy overpriced clothes a few years ago and the latter of whom also charges exorbitant prices but makes pretty things (I like the dress best). Anyway, so Kanye thinks he can legitimately study fashion; I refuse to believe that because he and Amber Rose created this picture together.


Isn't fashion supposed to be art? And aren't photos then considered art? CLEARLY KANYE CANNOT CREATE ART. So awful.

2. Bonne Bell is making lip balms flavored like Skittles. Because THAT'S not gross. So many pharmacy makeup brands' products smell and taste like ass anyway because of their cheap quality, so that waxy nastiness coupled with the overwhelmingly fake fruity flavors of Skittles makes me super-nauseated. Although, I have to say that Skittles commercials are some of the best, especially when they involve singing rabbits and weird candy superpowers.





3. Phil Collins is retiring from music due to health problems, mainly negative effects from his years of playing drums. Definitely a loss, mainly because a. he's awesome and b. he basically gave us the funniest moment in "The Hangover". "The Hangover 2" is coming out in a few months, which gives me joy for this year's shitty movies so far.



4. In a moment that reminds me of my boyfriend, Joel Madden yelled at wife Nicole Richie on Twitter for spending $3,000 in pillows. My boyfriend will UNDOUBTEDLY be offended that I compared him to Joel Madden (even though I TOTALLY STILL love Good Charlotte), but I'm pretty sure if I spent $3K on pillows he would dump me on pure principle. I mean, they're fucking pillows. There is no need to spend thousands.

5. And in a move that I actually respect for its sheer trashiness, Christina Aguilera, fresh off her arrest for being drunk and crazy, returned to the same place where she got drunk ... and got drunk again. That's a hot mess I can respect. I love this quote from the OMG! Yahoo story: "When it was time to leave, "She seemed tipsy," the observer notes." Wouldn't you be tipsy if you were XXXTina? "Burlesque" tanked, no one cares about her new music, and I still laugh about how she messed up the National Anthem. Drink to forget, people.

+ Photo courtesy of HipHop.Popcrunch.com

Clothez and thangz.

This week has been a pretty solid one when it comes to stupid clothes that fill my heart with joy. First there was the Screen Actors Guild Awards this past weekend, then Paris Fashion Week, then a Calvin Klein-sponsored event. Because it's snowing outside and I have nothing better to do, here are some thoughts - rapidly, so I can go back to reading my new issue of Nylon that just came in the mail.

The kids from "The Vampire Diaries" are on the cover. Meh.


Anyway, good and bad outfits, yay!

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

Diane Kruger: Basically, one of the best dresses I've ever seen, totally reminiscent of what Michelle Williams wore to the Oscars with Heath Ledger back in 2006. Such a pretty color, even though I'm normally anti-yellow, and she's just poised enough to pull it off.


Marion Cotillard: I don't know, she could wear a fucking Hefty bag covered in poo and I'd probably like it, so ... take that as you will.


Drew Barrymore: I don't even understand the point of this dress, and it basically just makes me think she's wearing a huge lampshade or something. But like, bluer and uglier.


PARIS FASHION WEEK

Dita Von Teese: Pulls off looking like a horrifying dominatrix. Impressive.


Amber Rose: I'm probably cursing the universe by hating the one time Amber Rose isn't inappropriately nude, but come on, if you're going to fucking wear clothes, DON'T MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE THIS.


LA ARTS MONTH RECEPTION, ORGANIZED BY CALVIN KLEIN

Kate Bosworth: Every time I see her, I want to strap her in before a plate of pasta and force her to eat some fucking carbs. This picture is no exception.


Jared Leto: Basically has been sucking from the fountain of youth, cuz the guy is pushing 40 (he's 38) and I'm pretty sure he looks hot as fuck. Like, yes, the shiny blazer is ugly, and yes, the scarf is unnecessary, AND YES, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT HE'S WEARING TOO MUCH GEL, but still. Look at that face! So delightful.


And lastly, Ali Larter and Milla Jovovich: Why has Ali Larter paired that old-lady-goes-to-a-strip-club-in-Florida outfit with clunky black boots, and why is Milla Jovovich wearing formal hot shorts with like a billion accessories and that garish Forever 21 belt? Where's my copy of Nylon? Anything has to be better to look at then this.



+ Images courtesy of FanPop, OMG! Yahoo

Friday's the perfect day for bitterness.

I think I'm going to make "Things I Hate" a regular post on this blog, because let's be honest, I hate a lot of stuff, if not MOST things in the world. Here's today's round-up. This is easier than me spending money on therapy; we all know it.

1. Prince writes a song in honor of the Minnesota Vikings. I love the Vikings, OK? I'm going to jump on any Brett Favre-helmed bandwagon, and I will be rooting for them to trash the Saints on Sunday. And I adore Prince; my boyfriend always bitches when I try to sneak watching "Purple Rain" on his TV. But look, the idea of Prince, the man who wears clothes like this,


and Brett Favre, one of the manliest men ever,


somehow meshing worlds is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Seriously. I know Favre has cried in public and everything, but I don't think he'd do it for the Mighty Purple One, you know?

2. I knew Heidi Montag has succeeded in becoming totally nasty, but I didn't know that the next season of "The Hills" will also focus on all of her plastic surgeries? Because that's gross. Like, she looks awful.


And I already have a love-hate relationship with "The Hills," so did I really need more reasons? Sigh, CUZ NOW I HAVE THEM.

3. There's something about this picture of Lucy Lawless at the New York premiere of the movie "Extraordinary Measures" that is really skeeving me out. Doesn't she look weirdly thin, and isn't that pink kind of a nasty Pepto Bismol-like shade?


She doesn't look as awful as Brendan Fraser's hair, but still.


Aren't these people rich? Can't they manage to look better?

4. Did anyone else know that this film, "Season of the Witch," was happening? Because teaser pictures for the movie were just released, and holy shit, Nicolas Cage needs to stop making movies. He is TOO OLD AND HAGGARD to be playing young, dashing knights.


That shit is not a good look!

5. Neither is this, btw.



Amber Rose, you never cease to boggle my mind. Or inspire my upchuck reflex. Definitely both.

+ Photos courtesy of TV One Blogs, NY Daily News, Rites of Patches, OMG! Yahoo, ABC News, Dlisted

Fuck that Auto-Tune, cuz it's on.

You know what I love about America? That Lil Wayne, who is going to jail in about a month, is still putting out music videos, like this one for "On Fire" -

Lil Wayne - Sucker Free - MTV Shows

- and this one for "Bed Rock," which is really by Young Money, a group of rappers associated with Lil Wayne and his record label, but still. He's in it, surrounded by women. Is there any other way?



But yeah, this kind of pop culture freedom is probably why the Middle East hates us. And like, who can blame them? Kanye West still exists.



Gross. I'm just going to go watch "On to the Next One" on repeat.

Jay-Z - Sucker Free - MTV Shows

I know, Jay-Z's kind of an asshole and "Empire State of Mind" lost its charm pretty rapidly and definitely did not deserve to be No. 2 on Rolling Stone's list of best 25 songs of 2009. But I'm a sucker for Hova. What can I say? Hypocrisy for me is a good life choice.

Have I had enough of Kanye? Almost.

I have a headache.

I don't know if it was necessarily caused by the finally released "We Were Once a Fairytale," the short film collaboration between Kanye West and director Spike Jonze which has been talked about for a few years now and was available on West's blog for a little while, then got taken down both from there and YouTube. However, I don't really thinking watching those 11 minutes of self-absorbed, "I'm so misunderstood!" narcissism helped it get better, either. If you don't feel like watching the whole thing, MTV did a pretty good write-up of what occurs, and if you want a recap complete with photo stills, The Daily Mail has got you covered.

You'll be annoyed, though. I can basically guarantee it.

This week's gossip - jigga what?

Things that have brought me joy so far this week, and why:

1. Bryan Singer returning to the "X-Men" franchise. I'm not saying the director is fantastic or anything - in fact, since his resume contains embarrassing shit like "Valkyrie" and "Superman Returns," he's been sucking lately - but he did make "The Usual Suspects," and the first two "X-Men" movies weren't completely awful. I just hope he's not doing the sequel to "Wolverine," because dear god that movie was fucking horrendous.

2. "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is in fact coming back to Bravo, even if the cast list hasn't been released. Regardless, VICTORY, my trend of trashy TV can continue; hopefully Teresa will come back. How could I not love a show that features a woman flipping a table at an elegant dinner party? I couldn't.



3. Miley Cyrus quits Twitter. THANK THE GODS. I'll just ignore her stupid "explanation rap" ...



... and continue dreaming of a day when that bitch is GONE, and not just from the Internet, friends. From the world.

4. Kanye West fails to show up at this weekend's BET Awards, while T.I. keeps winning awards from prison. This could mean a few things: 1. That West is in rehab/got disappeared? And 2. That T.I. is now fully a martyr for the going-to-prison cause. Probably both of those things. Lastly, how is T.I. STILL RELEASING VIDEOS?

T.I. - New Music - More Music Videos

I mean, I know Michael Jackson is still releasing singles even though he's dead, but he was as magical as a super-fantastic-mythical-unicorn. I'm sure he liked unicorns, right? They're just like little kids, I think.

5. Shakira looks hot as shit in the latest issue of i-D magazine ...



Christina Hendricks' breasts are awe-inspiring at her wedding this weekend (lame, btw) ...


and Dita von Teese continues to boost my opinions of lingerie. Sounds about right.


+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, PopBytes, Daily Mail

Rounding on up.

Happy things of today:

- Even though Kanye West personally called Taylor Swift to apologize for his epic douchery, he still counts as a humongous jerk. Nevertheless, this performance of "Run This Town" on the premiere of Jay Leno's new show Monday was pretty OK (oh, and West's crying when Leno grilled him didn't hurt). Rihanna's crazy get-up helps, of course.



- HOLY FUCKING SHIT details about the Harry Potter theme park, which will be open to visitors in spring 2010! I've never been to a real theme park - I've had two day trips to Six Flags since middle school, but that's about it, and the idea of swigging butterbeer until I vomit is sooo appealing right now.

Annoying things of today:

- Guillermo del Toro, one of my favorite directors and overall crazy bitches, is teaming up with Disney for a new line of scary stuff for kids. NOT COOL, Guillermo. You're supposed to hurry up and finish "The Hobbit," not dream up partnerships with the most corporate company ever. Lamezies.

- There's a he-said, she-said going down at The Washington Post over why a story for its Sunday magazine was cut. Supposedly, the Post's publisher said the story was too depressing and not what readers wanted - and lo and behold, it gets bumped off. Is this really how we're going to save journalism? I hope not.

- Similarly, Michael Moore can derelick my balls. Newspapers "slit their own throats" because of corporate greed? No, dude. The Internet exploded, and in fact, newspapers CAN'T seem to find a way to make money off of that, actually. So fuck your shit, sir. If this is really the way you have to publicize your new documentary, then that's all kinds of pathetic.

- Naming a pair of black satin crop pants the "Black Flag Pants" in order to make them sound cool is not OK. Henry Rollins would kick your ass. Look at the muscles in this man's neck alone - he does not fucking play.


- Drew Barrymore needs to just end this madness. What is this dress? I feel like she took a pack of black felt-tip pens and just went crazy. If that's all it takes to be fashionable, then shit, I'm cooler than I thought.


Obsessed things of today:

- Oooh.

Jeffrey Campbell Neon Oxfords, $108

- Oooh TIMES TWO.

Silence and Noise Studded Faux Leather Blazer, $128

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, Sonoma State University, Nasty Gal Vintage, Urban Outfitters

VMAs - the drama CONTINUES.

Basically, the more I hear about this Kanye West/Taylor Swift showdown, the more I've decided he's SUCH A DOUCHEBAG.

Exhibit A: Pictures of Kanye getting shitfaced on the red carpet before the show (yes, that is a bottle of Hennessy he's swigging out of).


Exhibit B: Feeling up on his nasty trick Amber Rose in public. FOUL.


Exhibit C: From the Twitter account of hip-hop DJ Neil Armstrong, who was at the VMAs last night:

just so y'all know, homegirl taylor and her moms was in the back crying :(

Exhibit D: His fake-ass "apology" on, unsurprisingly, his blog. Yes, this was last night before the show was even over (I guess he left/got kicked out after the incident) and is (expectedly) in all caps. This is only an excerpt, because reading the whole thing would probably rot your brain - and, I can't find the post on his blog anymore, which is now experiencing "site upgrades in process." Suuure.

I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD'VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE'S IN THE BLEACHERS! ........................ I'M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!................. BEYONCE'S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I'M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!!

Here's my favorite part, though:

I'M NOT CRAZY YALL, I'M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!!

Right ...

P.S. Because I am petty, I love when the AP gets thing wrong, like in this story, when they refer to Taylor Swift's song as "You Belong to Me." It's WITH me, kids. Do you know have fact-checkers? Were those a part of the budget cutbacks? Yeah, accuracy!

+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial

VMAs - Best Female Video

Taylor Swift for "You Belong with Me," over Beyonce's "Single Ladies" and Lady Gaga's "Poker Face?" Dear god this night is already becoming a shitshow.

P.S. Why the fuck is Kanye West onstage? And why is he interrupting Taylor Swift to say that Beyonce had "one of the best videos of all time?" That is SO FUCKED UP. Kanye, I'm fine with you defending yourself. But you shouldn't defend other people that have nothing to do with you. OMG They just cut to a pre-taped clip of Tracy Morgan and are ushering Taylor Swift offstage. Hahahahaha.

P.S. Here's a clip from MTV. See the douchery for yourself.

MTV Shows

Run them out of town! Haha! ... OK, sorry.

Dude. TOTALLY disappointing.

Jay-Z - New Music - More Music Videos

Orange you upset this is happening? (HA!)

Look, I get that the summer's almost over. I understand that people would want to tan their whole bodies for - theoretically - a lovely, healthy bronze that would last the upcoming autumn and winter seasons.


But look ... when it looks like your bikini bottom is flossing your asscrack, that's probably more than enough public nudity, don't you think?


Oh wait there are Amber Rose's titties. Guess I spoke too soon.

Kanye West, why must everything about you, including your women, plague me?! UGH NAST.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted and Egotastic!

Today's roundup, video edition.

1. I've been obsessed with the "Tron Legacy" trailer; you should be, too.

2. The trailer for Peter Jackson's adaptation of "The Lovely Bones" finally came out. The novel by Alice Sebold kept me weeping the whole time I read it, and since I started sniffling during this two and a half minute trailer, I feel bad for anyone sitting next to me in the theater who will inevitably experience tear-splashback.

3. Paramore is exactly the kind of angry girl pop-punk that I force my best friend to play in the car whenever we're driving stupid places to spend money we shouldn't. Their new song will inevitably hit that playlist soon enough.

Paramore - New Music - More Music Videos

And I like Hayley's white-bondage-onepiece thing - very reminiscent of old Gwen Stefani.


4. The Jay-Z/Kanye/Rihanna jam "Run This Town" is really, really, REALLY bad, especially because Rihanna's "singing" just consists of her using the tone of "ella" whining and applying it to the word "hey." But MTV claims the new video has a "Mad Max" edge, and I can really, really support that ("California Love" did a good job, I must admit). Here's a clip of the upcoming video for "Run This Town" ...

MTV Shows

Plus, in this publicity photo, Kanye's in the shadows. And that sight warms my heart. But bitch take that bandana off your face! Only Mos Def can get away with that badass-ery.


+ Photos courtesy of Entertainment Weekly, MTV