Showing posts with label christina hendricks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christina hendricks. Show all posts

Monday, February 8, 2010

Just don't call it Snowtorious B.I.G.

It's Monday night. I've been snowed in since Friday afternoon. I'm so done with this bullshit blizzard thing ... oh, wait. More is coming tomorrow. AWESOME.

The only way I've managed to stay sane is TV and the Internet. So basically, I'm doing nothing different than I would have done if there weren't snow outside. I'm just more antsy and frustrated. Go figure.

Anyway, here's the things that have kept me captivated these past few days. I really want to blow my brains out. Cabin fever, etc.

1. Michael Jackson's doctor charged with involuntary manslaughter. This was bound to happen eventually, and I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened to anyone associated with Brittany Murphy, as her autopsy proved she basically died from pneumonia. In other news, could someone kill me to rid me of this winter? Thanks.

2. Back in September, "Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano designed a spring 2010 shoe line for Payless Shoe Source. No one ever thought the really high-fashion ones, like these, would actually get sold, except, OH HEY, they'll be in select Payless stores in early March. I'm gunning for these, which will be around $79.99 each:


Whatever, I don't care about your judgments, fuck you guys.

3. The Washington Post ran an opinion piece about a week ago that was all about how in this tough economic time, more people are haggling for bargains. I'm sorry, maybe this is just because my parents are foreign and bartering is like, WHAT IRANIANS DO, but is this really surprising to people? Of course you ask for discounts and lower prices on things. It's called being crafty, Post writers. Look into it. MAYBE IT WILL HELP YOU SAVE THE INDUSTRY IN WHICH I WORK.

4. So who knew, but Christina Hendricks wears glasses.


Update your sexy librarian fantasies, people. Pretty sure she just changed the game. Also, did anyone else hear about this controversy regarding The New York Times and how they may have distorted a photo of Hendricks from the Golden Globes to make her seem wider and larger than she actually is? Real slick, guys.

5. It's already February, which means that Jean Paul Gaultier's collection for Target is only a month away - it will hit online and stores March 7. You can see the collection's whole lookbook here, but I'm pretty much set on these specific outfits: The trenchcoat on the left in the first picture and the dress and coat in the middle of the second picture.



Give it up to me, etc.

6. According to some new study, abstinence-only education has begin to show signs of working among youth, specifically in African American students in sixth and seventh grade over two years. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but is this really where our country is headed? Abstinence-only education is stupid and short-sighted, and last time I checked, isn't our teen pregnancy rate on the upswing? Kids are going to have sex, just give them condoms and a banana and send them on their way. It sucks, but it's true. Deal with it, Christian parents.

7. Plus, people are going to pregnant if they wear shit like this. HOW COULD THEY NOT? It's basically a slutty embodiment of business in the front ...


... party in the back.


Impressive, I'd say.

8. Pete Wentz kind of announces the end of Fall Out Boy in some horrendously written and grammar-less statement, which includes gems like this:

as much as i dont have a solo project, i also cant predict that id ever play in fall out boy again. not due to personal relationships as much as a band we grew apart. in this statement id like to include there is the possibility that fob will play again with out me or i will be a part of it when everyone is on the same page.

Silly me, I thought Wentz's solo project was fathering awfully named children, making out with dudes and getting tramp-stamps.


Oops!

9. And lastly, trailers for "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps," "MacGruber" and "Brookyn's Finest" have been giving me headaches. They ALL look awful, even though the sequel to "Wall Street" would be fantastic without the Shia. I mean, anything that could recreate GREED IS GOOD is fine with me, but ... the LaDouche isn't cutting it for me.







+ Photos courtesy of Lucky, Dlisted, Hot Beauty Health, Patricia Field, YouThoughtSo

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Who else is flipping between Aziz and Golden Globe dresses besides me?

Watching Aziz Ansari's "Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening," which is hilarious, as expected; my boyfriend had read somewhere that to prepare for the douchey character he plays in "Funny People," Ansari did a tour in that over-the-top, Dane Cook-like persona, and that is pretty much exactly what this is. Jokes about M.I.A.'s boobs, his fat cousin Harris and watching Kanye West look out of his telescope at a neighbor with big titties? I love it!

But yeah, during the commercials, I've also been rapidly checking on whether there are any online photo albums of all the Golden Globe entrances, and yes, victory! OMG! Yahoo can always be depended on to provide me with dumb shit. And so, here we go: The best, worst and most meh?!, in my opinion. And yes, meh?! needs its own category. Trust me.

P.S. This is a long post. Deal with it.

THE BEST

Drew Barrymore: Yeah, she's annoying in real life, but now that the promotion for "Whip It!" is over, she's started dressing like a human again - thankfully.


Mariah Carey: I really just have to applaud her for being able to fit into this dress. Wrapped up in plastic wrap and sucking in like crazy? Fuck, I hope so. Also, can I get married so I can make my D-list husband hold my umbrella for me at public events? Kthx.


Marion Cotillard: There's nothing for me to say except for that I love this crazy French bitch. So many weird clothes that make me adore her. SO MANY.


Neil Patrick Harris: He's just a charming gay man. Charming, charming, CHARMING. He could wear the clothes of a fucking homeless man who was loitering outside the Golden Globe Awards and I'd still be salivating over it.


Diane Kruger: She was annoying in "Troy," if only because she really did nothing except make out with Orlando Boom (why not ME?!), but there's something about her performance in "Inglourious Basterds" that I can really get behind.


You know, the movie with these dudes: Eli Roth, Melanie Laurent and Quentin Tarantino, who all look pretty dapper.


Oh, and she's also dating Pacey/Joshua Jackson. So like, I can always fucking support that hot piece.


Mickey Rourke: Yeah dude, wear that stupid fucking cowboy hat! Only you, Mickey Rourke. Only your beastly self.


Tracey Morgan: Tracy (Yup, I misspelled it as "Tracey" and then my boyfriend corrected me. Fuck you.) Morgan also gets a Rourke-like pass, because who else could get away with color-coordinating their umbrella and handkerchief? Like, seriously.


Robert Downey Jr.: And well, he's just RDJ. There are no other explanations necessary.


When it comes to weirdness, Catherine Hendricks (oh god, that cleavage), Anna Paquin and Chloe Sevigny take the cake: Dresses that look like cupcakes and disco balls? Yes, plz!





Oh, and it's good to see that Courtney Cox-Arquette and Helen Mirren are also still drinking from the fountain of youth/whatever baby blood Madonna is sucking on to stay looking hot and trim and fit. I don't think it's fair that these women look better at their age than I do now, but sigh, credit where it's due.



THE WORST

Fergie-Ferg: Why is she wearing what looks like a rejected prom dress from the late '90s or from a bargain rack at David's Bridal? Fail.


Julianne Moore: I just don't get it. Like ... some slouchy off-shoulder mess with a big ugly seam? Pass, plz.


Tina Fey: I've begun to appreciate Tina Fey more since my boyfriend has started making me watch "30 Rock" more often, but this dress is not cutting it. Why so much "Little House on the Prairie" influence? Ugh.


Téa Leoni: I can understand that not everyone wants to wear an evening dress. But really, a button-down oxford and some dowdy looking skirt? Didn't Sharon Stone already do that on the red carpet once or something? I'm not saying be like Sharon Stone, because bitch is crazy, but don't copy her, either.


MEH?!

Sandra Bullock: There's a lot about this that reminds me of a fairy doll or My Little Pony or something. The color scheme and the shininess? Probably, yeah.


Zoe Saldana: So much fabric ... for such a skinny person.


Jane Lynch: I don't dislike it, it's just lots of taffeta and lots of green and kind of reminds me of Christmas decorations. Ooh, like a shiny plastic Christmas tree! Where are the presents? ... OK, I just went into an unhappy place where I thought of Jane Lynch's genitalia as presents. I have to stop writing about this now.


Heather Graham: There's a lot of one boob and little of another ... the unevenness irks me. I am anal, after all.


Maggie Gyllenhaal: I'm usually a fan of her stupid clothing choices, but the color is just washing her the fuck out. And for someone already that pale, it's just a creepy, corpse-like demeanor that is not. Where's Peter Sarsgaard? Save me, Charles Lane! ("Shattered Glass" reference; yes, I'm just that journalism-nerdy.)


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Friday, December 4, 2009

Dee-lishis.

Dear Christina Hendricks,

Hate the gloves. Love the boobs.


Extra-adoringly,

- Me.

+ Photo courtesy of Dlisted

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

This week's gossip - jigga what?

Things that have brought me joy so far this week, and why:

1. Bryan Singer returning to the "X-Men" franchise. I'm not saying the director is fantastic or anything - in fact, since his resume contains embarrassing shit like "Valkyrie" and "Superman Returns," he's been sucking lately - but he did make "The Usual Suspects," and the first two "X-Men" movies weren't completely awful. I just hope he's not doing the sequel to "Wolverine," because dear god that movie was fucking horrendous.

2. "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" is in fact coming back to Bravo, even if the cast list hasn't been released. Regardless, VICTORY, my trend of trashy TV can continue; hopefully Teresa will come back. How could I not love a show that features a woman flipping a table at an elegant dinner party? I couldn't.



3. Miley Cyrus quits Twitter. THANK THE GODS. I'll just ignore her stupid "explanation rap" ...



... and continue dreaming of a day when that bitch is GONE, and not just from the Internet, friends. From the world.

4. Kanye West fails to show up at this weekend's BET Awards, while T.I. keeps winning awards from prison. This could mean a few things: 1. That West is in rehab/got disappeared? And 2. That T.I. is now fully a martyr for the going-to-prison cause. Probably both of those things. Lastly, how is T.I. STILL RELEASING VIDEOS?



I mean, I know Michael Jackson is still releasing singles even though he's dead, but he was as magical as a super-fantastic-mythical-unicorn. I'm sure he liked unicorns, right? They're just like little kids, I think.

5. Shakira looks hot as shit in the latest issue of i-D magazine ...



Christina Hendricks' breasts are awe-inspiring at her wedding this weekend (lame, btw) ...


and Dita von Teese continues to boost my opinions of lingerie. Sounds about right.


+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, PopBytes, Daily Mail

Monday, September 21, 2009

Full-on lesbian love.

I spend a lot of time staring at Christina Hendricks and thinking about how hot she is. Now you can, too! Because holy crap, did she look bananas at the Emmy Awards last night.


Look, I know I promised that I wouldn't write anything else about awards shows. But have you seen the woman? Those kind of curves demand attention.


Dude, I know. Us peons don't understand your body, either. Just go with it.

+ Photos courtesy of The Daily Mail, The Superficial

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Mad about you.

I would love to borrow Christina Hendricks' breasts for a day. So. Amazing. See?




And all these dresses and shoes, which remind me of something her hot-ass body would slip into on "Mad Men." I mean, sure, the 1960s were sexist and shit. But the clothes! I'd stay in a kitchen all day and cook if it meant I could have those clothes.

Yeah, putting feminism back 40 years! I do what I can.











+ Photos courtesy of Nerve, the Ryan Coke Experience, Manofest, NY Post, Chickdowntown, ModCloth, Lulus