Those silly kids and their silly choices.

The Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards were last night, and events like this always make me laugh. Like, you're inviting a mix of teenagers and adults to an event that's chosen by kids who generally vote by their obsession, not any knowledge of real talent. Hence: Taylor Lautner and Miley Cyrus won awards. You get my gist.

But yeah, here are some of my fave outfits from last night - they veer between actually classy and vaguely trashy. So, the Hollywood usual.

BAD: Allison Iraheta of "American Idol." I mean, holy crap, does Manic Panic sponsor this chick? Because WOW this is awful.


BAD: Jackson Rathbone of "Twilight." This guy played Jasper in the first "Twilight" movie, and I guess that gives him enough fame to get invited to this event and dress like such a douche? Can't Stephenie Meyer put an end to this?


BAD: Justin Bieber. I love dumb sneakers. I have a huge collection of dumb sneakers. But wearing such dumb sneakers on the red carpet, just in an attempt to capitalize on being so young and hip? That shouldn't be acceptable.


BAD: Melanie Brown, former Scary Spice, and Katy Perry. Dear God, women. Put some goddamn clothes on. Or at least wear a shirt that isn't see-through, Miss Scary.



BAD: Rihanna, onstage and off. '80s prom dress meets Army fatigues? BLECH. Channeling '80s Madonna? Second BLECH.



GOOD: Miley Cyrus. This is shocking for me, I know. But Miley doesn't look COMPLETELY reprehensible here, which is a big step for her. Yes, leather leggings are stupid, and yes, her hair just looks so fucking ratty, but still. It kills me to acknowledge this, I hope you know.


GOOD: Selena Gomez. She always seems to dress too old for her age, but this outfit is actually really cute: Yellow is a solid seasonal color, the sandals are chic and her hair is great. Good choices, I guess.


GOOD: Rosario Dawson. I want to grow up and be her. Simple as that.


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Radaronline

The bitch is back, etc.

Hola, friends. It has been forever since we've talked. I've been busy, but I've missed you, hope you've been doing well, etc. - and here's some pictures to get this ball rolling again.

The American Music Awards were last night, and if you've been breathing this morning, you've already heard about how Adam Lambert humped a male dancer's face (uh, Prince and Davey Havok have been doing that for years, but whatever) and Jennifer Lopez fell while performing. Hilarity! But you know I'm all about the clothes, so here's my thoughts.

+ Pete Wentz, why are you dressing like a Goth stormtrooper? This is awful. Somewhere, George Lucas is weeping about your rampant use of pleather ... and are those knee-high boots? Foul.


+ Oh, Selena Gomez. You're so fucking boring. I'm not saying you should throw some titties out, but come ON. You're 17. Take some damn dressing risks. Also, your shoes look like you got them from Payless. You make more money than that; we all fucking know it.


+ It always scares me when I see pictures of Joe Perry, becuase I think I'm looking at the walking dead. This photo - and that hairstyle - ain't helping.


+ And, of course, to my final loves: Rihanna, who looked baller in this Marchesa dress and some bizarre bandage-inspired performance get-up ...


... and Shakira, who somehow managed to pull-off both a neon yellow dress and a black disco ball mini with some crucial amounts of delightful cleavage. Impressive, woman. Impressive.


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, The Superficial

It's fugging up my life when I'm with you. (Slightly NSFW)

Thanks to the VMAs and ALMAs, there have been a lot of nasty outfits going around lately; it's kind of like fashion swine flu. These five are definitely my recent faves:

1. I really don't like that Selena Gomez always looks like she's going to the prom or to a wedding as a tacky bridesmaid when she's on the red carpet. I'm not saying she should look like an epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something, but I do think she should look young and fresh and not old and beat.


2. I'm just gonna go ahead and quote myself on this one: "An epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something."


3. I adore Leona Lewis; I think she's an amazing talent and could rival Beyonce in the United States if she had better publicity. But trying to be edgy with this unnecessary corset is not helping her case.


4. I hate when celebrities wear American Apparel at large events and awards shows; I've railed against it numerous times in this blog. And while I don't really agree with Yahoo, who said Kat Von D "delivered the trash" at the ALMA Awards with this outfit, I do think that the sheer dress coupled with the American Apparel shorts and tube bra AND that janky wig just makes one awful sight.


5. I am just waiting for Lady Gaga to be completely naked onstage one day, like Macy Gray did a few years ago. Because like, throwing out titties is almost commonplace now; Lil Kim and Janet Jackson were doing that shit years ago, and even Rihanna is letting her nipples hang out while just running errands.


So this photo really doesn't shock me. I'd rather Gaga whip her vagina out and PUT IT ALL ON THE TABLE. That would truly get her the kind of attention she's looking for, I imagine.


+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Yahoo