Cake + Batman = Good.

Today: Slightly better because I consumed thousands of calories (presumably) while eating a slice of honeybee cake from the Amish market. Thx for the good eats, fundamentalists.

So I was, of course, in a better mood to be able to delight in such joyous news:

1. The sequel to "The Dark Knight" finally has a release date, summer 2012. That's actually not so far away, and by that I mean, "Thank fucking God it's happening, I thought it never would, OMG block out my entire schedule in mid-July so I can see this movie over and over and over again." I'll probably cry because Heath Ledger is dead, but there's still something about how amazing the end of the movie is - when Commissioner Gordon is talking about how Batman isn't our hero - that gets me every time. Oh, how emotional I make trite entertainment-related things ...

2. Conan O'Brien is going to talk about everything that went down with Leno on "60 Minutes" this Sunday. Fuck yes! I've been waiting months for a whole story, and now I get it in news documentary format. Loving this combo of journalism and TV drama. If only Ed Bradley were still alive ...


Rest in peace, dude.

3. Speaking of Leno, though, how did I miss that he was hosting this year's White House Correspondents Dinner, which goes down this weekend? I had no fucking idea. Fuck that guy, though. Part of me really hopes he gets heckled by celebrities who finally realize he's just an asshole, but I think everyone is too politically correct to actually do so.


What a back-stabbing douche.

4. So apparently the Boy Scouts have now added a badge for video games. This is fucking awesome, and part of the reason we're all such fatasses. Here, be commended for learning about the video game ratings system, playing a parent- or teacher-approved game and creating a schedule that includes chores, homework and game playing! That just sounds like being a regular fucking kid who has parents, and I'm anti kids getting recognized for doing things that just make sense. We're not all special, OK? Tyler was right, and it's about time us obese motherfuckers realized it. I say this while typing on a laptop and drinking Diet Coke. After that huge piece of cake earlier. ... Yeah.

5. However, it's almost time for summer, which means time for mint juleps. I've never had one but I'm really interested in adding them to my busy summer regimen of watching TV shows on rerun, finally figuring out "Lost" and eating pints of sorbet, so thanks for the recipe, Derek M. Brown! Mm, alcohol. Making my life better since 2009.

+ Photos courtesy of Media Bistro, SF Gate

2010, go AWAY!

So I've been away about three weeks; I figure it's time to get back to business. And because I'm stupidly masochistic, why not start with the three things that have irked me so far this weekend? OK, go!

1. Miley Cyrus announces that she's ending "Hannah Montana" after this fourth season to focus on more adult roles. What does that even mean? She's not a good actress. I don't need her polluting actual cinema. She's still a fucking child who raps on YouTube and dresses like a 12-year-old from 1986. My hopes aren't high for "The Last Song," obviously.



2. Marilyn Manson and Evan Rachel Wood get engaged. Awesome. I mean, she is the skankbag that broke up his marriage to Dita von Teese, so in a way, I'm grateful, because it means Dita now gets to date hot pieces like this, some French guy named Louis Marie de Castelbajac:


However, it also means that more videos like "Heart-Shaped Glasses" could occur, which would probably make me vomit up the fritter I just ate. Blueberry. Thank you, Amish market.



3. "Avatar" is on track to make more money than "Titanic," making it the highest-grossing film ever. Now, I didn't hate "Avatar" or anything? BUT I pretty much worship Leonardo DiCaprio, so I'm not down with this. Also, "The Dark Knight" > "Avatar," any fucking day of the week, so it's pretty lame that James Cameron will masturbate to his own success every night while thinking up stupid ideas for the "Avatar" sequel. The guy is old.


That's not a pretty picture.

However, all of these pale in comparison to this list The Wall Street Journal came up with: The 200 best and worst jobs of 2010, which ranks the professions and their starting, average and highest income levels. Where does newspaper journalist come in on the list? Yup, way down low:

184

REPORTER (NEWSPAPER)

$20,000

$35,000

$77,000

And that's behind other fantastic-sounding professions like:

156

DISHWASHER

$14,000

$17,000

$22,000

131

MAID

$15,000

$19,000

$29,000

122

VENDING MACHINE REPAIRER

$18,000

$30,000

$46,000

67

FORKLIFT OPERATOR

$20,000

$29,000

$45,000

And my personal favorite:

11

PHILOSOPHER

$33,000

$60,000

$105,000

MAN. If only I had known that a fucking degree in philosophy, one of the MOST USELESS OF MAJORS, would have served me better than four years spent learning how to write and edit, I probably would have toiled away arguing about the validity of stupid questions instead. What's the meaning of life? To never read the fucking WSJ ever again, and hence make my future as a newspaper reporter even more perilous. I'm shooting myself in the foot, but take that, Rupert Murdoch, you Australian douche!

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, MTV

Warner Brothers, why so serious?!

I find this move by Warner Brothers - naming "Harry Potter" brand manager Diane Nelson head of its DC Comics unit - so, so stupid. I get that Warner Brothers is now shitting in their pants because Disney acquired Marvel. Fine, that sucks. But you guys made "The Dark Knight!" The DARK FUCKING KNIGHT. What the hell do you have to fear?

This picture may be of Heath Ledger clapping. But the Joker DOES NOT APPROVE.


+ Photo courtesy of IMDB

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

I'm a huge asshole when it comes to nostalgia, basically because dead people like James Dean, Brandon Lee, Joe Strummer and Elliott Smith make me all goofy and teary-eyed. Like any Hot Topic-loving, totally typical Goth kid, I have a pathetic soft spot for people that I think beat it too early.

Michael Jackson (yeah, I'm going to remember him as a black man, not the white woman he eventually came to look like) still has me on the fence (he may have touched children, but hey, he made "Thriller!"), but also like any Hot Topic-loving, totally typical Goth kid, Heath Ledger gets all my sympathies. And my favorite part of "The Dark Knight," too:


Which is why it pleases me beyond belief that the recently released trailer for his final film, "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus," looks fucking awesome, completely dudely and any other positive adjective you can think of. Baller? Yes. Bitchin'? Sure. Bananas? OK, if you want to keep this alliteration thing going. I'd rather go watch "The Dark Knight" again and indulge my nerdiness. Because, you know, fuck Jack Nicholson.

+ Photo courtesy of JustForTheKicks