Paris Fashion week, donezo.

This year's first Paris Fashion week, which showcases designers' autumn and winter collections, is donezo, which basically means nothing to most people (unless you've heard about Dior firing its head designer, John Galliano, for a video surfacing of him talking about how much he likes Hitler). I really only care because I love clothes (duh) and it's fun to look at all the shoes.

The Cut did a wrap-up of some of the shoes used in the week's various shows, and I picked out the ones I like AND the ones I'm guessing are going to show up on Lady Gaga any day now, because who the fuck else would wear designer couture shoes like it ain't no big thang? (She has her own shoe designer, by the way. So jealous.)

I am not approving of her insanity, by the way. Let that be clear. I'm JUST SAYING, I fully expect to see these in a video soon.

+ Alexander McQueen: Gaga has worn lots of the recently passed's designer's shoes before, like in the "Bad Romance" video, so she has to wear these, right?


+ Mugler: Those stilettos look like death. But I'm sure Gaga will wear them just to prove she can. Bitch!


+ Gareth Pugh: Because they are bondage-y. Gaga loves bondage-y.


Or Rihanna would wear them; she also flirted with that look back in the day and in the recent "S&M" video.



Remember? Oh and yeah she totally deserves to get sued for that video. Get your money David LaChapelle!

For little old me, however, I like these more. If I had drawers full of money I could just pull open and throw at people to get what I want, this is what I would want. And get.

+ Miu Miu: The heel looks like they would annihilate a person. But glitter! And shiny!


I've been somewhat obsessed with their shoes since I discovered the sparrow mary janes from the spring/summer 2010 collection. I would never dream of buying them because of their insanely expensive price tag, but I still covet them. Especially in black and pink.



Obviously.

+ Yves Saint Laurent: I like yellow. That's really the only reason.


+ Photos courtesy of The Cut, itsdenise.wordpress.com, lookville.com

Maybe they just look alike because they're both Italian?

Teaser for Lady Gaga's long-awaited video for "Alejandro" is finally available:



And I must say, she's doing a real Madonna-during-"Evita" thing here, right?


I don't know, something about the severity of that awful bowl cut and the black and white voguing reminded me of it. Oh, it also reminded me of how M.I.A. trash-talked Gaga in that much-discussed interview with the New York Times last week. If you're so inclined, the article pokes holes through M.I.A.'s revolutionary image and includes choice digs about she eats truffle-flavored french fries. It kind of ruined my life/overwhelming love for M.I.A. ... but I do agree with her comment on the woman formerly known as Stefani Germanotta:

"I can't talk about GaGa anymore. All I'll say this, it's upsetting when babies say ga-ga now. It used to be innocent. Now, they're calling her name. You can't really say that GaGa is culturally a change. Madonna was truly unique."

Such a bitch! (She also bizarrely mocked Gaga for getting "burger money" in an interview with NME). So start fighting, you overpaid limelight-lovers. You give my life meaning - well, at least content for this damn blog.

+ Photo courtesy of The Independent

I'm not clear what this video says about "the war on terror."

OK, so everyone is going apeshit over the remake of Lady Gaga's "Telephone" done by U.S. soldiers stationed in Afghanistan. The Washington Post wrote an essay about it; the clip has more than 1 million hits on YouTube. It's funny and everything, and I guess it kind of humanizes all the soldiers I imagine are over there hating their lives and killing my people, but ...



... does anyone else think the guy that impersonates Beyonce is totally the best? Because I do. I thoroughly enjoy really hood guys pretending to be women. Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with "RuPaul's Drag Race," especially contestant Raven from season two:


It's just SO BAD that it's great. And I'm really amazed by their tuckgame. How do you make a penis BASICALLY DISAPPEAR? My mind is boggled.

+ Photos courtesy of LogoTV, Sick Biscuit

Well, duh.

It's a Friday. I guess I shouldn't be expecting any news that will titillate me into the weekend, but really, all of these news items are just not that shocking.

1. Beyonce denies being pregnant. Of course she does. She also denied being with Jay-Z for like, months, even when everyone in the world knew that was happening. So maybe she is pregnant. Fuck if I know. But if she is, then her baby is going to demand lots of explanations from good ol' B, like why the fuck the video for "Telephone" was so weird.



Seriously, I want to know too, thx.

2. Sandra Bullock won't be attending this weekend's Kids' Choice Awards. According to this story in US Weekly, her rep says she never planned on being there anyway, but since she's been backing out of tons of appearances since all this crap with her husband broke out, it wouldn't be that much to assume Bullock thought about going and then nixed when she learned her husband may be a huge womanizing asshole.


No longer such happy days. Thanks for making this kind of douchery OK, Tiger.

3. And lastly, MSNBC reports that the infamous Salahis are still being considered to be on "The Real Housewives of Washington, D.C.," which seems like ... really old news?


Granted, this MSNBC story keeps referring to this piece by The Daily Beast that assures readers they have sources confirming the Salahis' appearance, but nearly every single story The Washington Post did on the couple last year, like this one and this one and this one, mentioned that the couple were contenders for the show and would probably be on it, based on how janky and trashy Bravo is. OK, the Post didn't call Bravo janky and trashy. That was all me, and I'm a fan, so it's OK.

+ Photos courtesy of Avagacser, ABC News

SRSLY? "Lighten up, it's just fashion," DOES NOT APPLY HERE.

Every time I get angry at something Lady Gaga wears ...


... I just remind myself that Kelis wore this a few days ago, and I feel better.


And by "feel better" I mean, rage about why these people are famous. Sigh.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted

Stomping around! Did you get that animal reference?

It's almost spring; I need new shoes; I'm constantly on the prowl. By "need," I mean, "want."

But because I'm sane, I just need people to know: I am not going to buy these. Like, ever.


Made by artist and designer Iris Schieferstein, the shoes throw both a goat's hoof and a shiny gold gun together into one fuggo entity. WHO WOULD EVER BUY THESE? I do not understand. If this is "art," I don't want to get it/spend money on it/keep looking at it/moving on. Also - chances are Lady Gaga will wear these in like, two weeks or something.

Similarly, I don't want these, either:

Jeffrey Campbell Flea Market Cork Platform, $120

I know the '70s have been back and everything, but can't we abandon those clunkers to Nixon and all the other crappy parts of that time period?

These, however, I will lovingly embrace into my future:

Jeffrey Campbell Buckle Up Wedge, $228

How can one designer make the former - so fug! - and the latter - so good! - in one fell swoop? Confusing, I know.

+ Photos courtesy of Pipeline, Nasty Gal Vintage, Free People

In bizarre outfit news ...

I didn't really like Rihanna's new album, "Rated R" - it's not that I'm going to blame her for being angry and frustrated about what happened to her with Chris Brown, but the album is full of overblown self-confidence that's basically really annoying. However, her music videos have continued being hilarious, mainly because she wears a pirate eye-patch in the one for "Wait is Over" ...



... and will apparently be wearing these get-ups in the one for "Hard" ...



Not bad, I don't think. Not as great as Lady Gaga or anything -


- but Riri's getting there.

+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, PopSugar

Today's worst moment.

Me: Bored at work. Listening to Lady Gaga's "Dance in the Dark" on my co-worker's iPod. Trying to pretend I don't like it when I secretly do.



What's that I hear? A sample taken from George Michael's "Careless Whisper," I think? I do some Google-ing. In my quest, I stumble upon this: A question on Yahoo! Answers about "Who is Benet Ramsey?" ... and I think to myself, REALLY? Am I truly so old at 22, and Lady Gaga's fans so young, that they don't know/remember who JonBenét Ramsey is?



You know, this murdered little girl that caused a media shitstorm when she was kidnapped and murdered in 1996 and ticked off A. tons of non-white parents whose own children had gone missing and received no attention because they weren't pretty or rich and B. anyone with a heart who would find it shocking that such a little girl was forced into those creepy child pageants by her parents and then ended up killed.

Do we really have such a bad national memory that today's kids and teens are utterly ignorant of the Ramsey thing? When I was growing up, that shit was EVERYWHERE - I was 9 when she died, and I remember details about the case being on all the broadcast news stations, "America's Most Wanted," everything. Plus, remember when people thought her killer had been caught - back in 2006, when John Mark Karr admitted to doing it, but it turned out that he was just a sick and twisted fuck who was lying for the media spotlight?

Ugh, for shame, America's youth. While I agree Ramsey's death received tons of media attention just because of her race and class, I still think it was a particularly awful thing to happen to a kid, and I'm surprised more people don't know about or remember her. As someone old enough to drink legally, I'm going to go drown my ancient-feeling sorrows and contempt for the common ignorant man (and Yahoo! Answers) ... maybe while listening to "Bad Romance." DON'T JUDGE.

+ Photo courtesy of PerfectPeople