Your craziness at a Spinal Tap 11. I need it at like, a two.

Dear M.I.A.,

I'm really going to need you to stop being such an uppity bitch. Like, seriously. Stop being so obnoxious about the article Lynn Hirschberg wrote about you in the New York Times. Here's my reasoning, OK:

First of all, at least the article about you wasn't as bad as the one Hirschberg wrote about Courtney Love, in which she basically insinuated that Love took heroin when she was pregnant with her daughter.

Secondly, how can you get pissed off for someone writing their opinion of you, when your entire image is based on your opinion of others? Like the time you told Nylon you think the CIA developed Google and Facebook. Bitch you are SO CRAZY.

And lastly, your dis track against Hirschberg, "I'm a Singer," sucks.



And this is coming from someone who loves your other new songs, "Born Free" and "XXXO," so get off your fucking high horse.

Love,

- Me, a fan who once paid for a T-shirt from your line. The one you're wearing in this picture, in fact:


Thankfully, I got it on sale, even though it didn't come with a complimentary Diplo. But if that's not devotion, nothing is.

+ Photos courtesy of Picaso

Maybe they just look alike because they're both Italian?

Teaser for Lady Gaga's long-awaited video for "Alejandro" is finally available:



And I must say, she's doing a real Madonna-during-"Evita" thing here, right?


I don't know, something about the severity of that awful bowl cut and the black and white voguing reminded me of it. Oh, it also reminded me of how M.I.A. trash-talked Gaga in that much-discussed interview with the New York Times last week. If you're so inclined, the article pokes holes through M.I.A.'s revolutionary image and includes choice digs about she eats truffle-flavored french fries. It kind of ruined my life/overwhelming love for M.I.A. ... but I do agree with her comment on the woman formerly known as Stefani Germanotta:

"I can't talk about GaGa anymore. All I'll say this, it's upsetting when babies say ga-ga now. It used to be innocent. Now, they're calling her name. You can't really say that GaGa is culturally a change. Madonna was truly unique."

Such a bitch! (She also bizarrely mocked Gaga for getting "burger money" in an interview with NME). So start fighting, you overpaid limelight-lovers. You give my life meaning - well, at least content for this damn blog.

+ Photo courtesy of The Independent

You're all idiots.

Dear Washington Post,

Why do you even bother printing this piece, which rounds up four useless opinions from the Style section's music writers on M.I.A.'s latest song, "Born Free," when all the opinions are, well, fucking useless? Great, they think her use of violence is just gathering up buzz for her upcoming album - instead of, you know, in line with the same political opinions she's given on her previous two albums. I know my boyfriend will argue that she's dumb for making an expensive clothing line and naming her kid something stupid, but that doesn't really seem all that relevant to the Post's dumb thoughts.

And somehow, the video for "Born Free" is more offensive to the Post than similar hypocrisies by people they like, such as Lady Gaga, who uses making out with people of the same sex basically for the same reason? God, you all fucking suck.

Pissed-off-ly,

- Me.

I wish M.I.A. didn't break up with Diplo/didn't have a baby/was me/etc.

I really can't decide if I love M.I.A.'s new video for "Born Free" or not.

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

It's already gotten lots of hype because it's so violent (if you don't want to watch it, Rolling Stone breaks it down), and Entertainment Weekly reports that M.I.A.'s rep says she doesn't want to comment on it. And I kind of get it. In fact, I actually really like the idea of using gingers, so arbitrarily hated by society, as a substitute for other stupid decisions on behalf of the bloodthirsty American people. Blah blah blah, analysis criticism analysis. But at the end of the day, can't I just hear M.I.A. singing the damn song? Or get a cameo from Diplo?


I'm really shallow sometimes. I just want to see that hot piece's face. White trash, you are my destiny.

EDIT: The full song is really, really good. And Diplo produced it. I am happy again.

+ Photo courtesy of Rollo & Grady

Back, judgmental, etc.

Breaking my two-week hiatus. You wept while I was away, I know. Don't fret! I'm back! (I'm not wearing black. That would have been too easy.)

Anyway, personally for me, little has changed in these past two weeks; plus, you don't read this blog for my real life, anyway. You just want the snark, and I - being a woman of the people - am about to hit you up. Here, get at it:

1. So Rihanna is going on tour this summer with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj as her openers. I don't know, I would probably want to see Rihanna live. She has been known to cover M.I.A. - wicked off-key, but still - and I could be down for seeing that:



But like, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj are just such hot messes. One of my friends noted today that Minaj isn't really curvy, she's just kind of fat ... and, yeah. Her bottom-heavyness is impressive.


And Ke$ha is shockingly gross, soo ...


I might pass on all that. Also, I would put money on the fact that Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj have some nasty communicable diseases that could somehow travel through rows of seats and reach me wherever I am, and I'm cool with being healthy. Really, I'm

2. Plus, I have this feeling that one of them, either Rihanna or Ke$ha or Nicki, would wear this. Or one of them would wear it and then they would swap the leggings during the course of the tour.

Thrash Leggings by Tripp NYC, $50

SO TRASHY. I'm beginning to gross myself out. I'll stop.

3. See, the only trashiness I can truly enjoy is the kind offered up by Bravo - and the fact that "Real Housewives of New Jersey" starts its second season in a few weeks on May 3. So. Fucking. Excited.



If another table is flipped in public, my life will be fucking complete.

4. And finally, I was pretty bummed that yet again, for another year, Coachella happened and I was not there. I kind of hate festivals - they always seem smelly and icky and like you never have a real relationship or connection with the artist, just with the douche next to you - but I don't know, this year's lineup looked kind of good. Nevertheless, I'm TOTALLY OK with the fact that I therefore missed Jay-Z performing "Young Forever" with Beyonce instead of Mr. Hudson.



Downgrade from this, definitely. Also, did Beyonce borrow those coochie-cutters from Miley Cyrus? My god, woman, you have enough money to invest in some fucking pants.

+ Photos courtesy of The Guardian, Idolator, Karmaloop

Why look like a bird died on you?

Sigh.

Audrey Veiled Feather Headband by Arturo Rios, $120

Whenever I see accessories like that, I have no idea who is going to wear them. Rihanna, paired with cuffs like this?

Single row cuff by Joomi Lim, $125


Cuff with curved row by Joomi Lim, $200

Or M.I.A., when she starts promoting her new album, which is supposed to come out this summer, according to a recent interview with Rolling Stone?

Like, I really don't know. I just get a headache when I look at that Raven-like monstrosity. Don't haunt my dreams, you Edgar Allan Poe-copying bitch!

+ Photos courtesy of Patricia Field, Opening Ceremony

Swagger like us, etc.

You know, it's been a while since M.I.A., my long-lost idol, has been out and about. I guess having a baby will do that to you.

Here's the fam:

Here's Ikhyd:


But anyway, M.I.A. was at two different events this week, and it's good to know she's back to her wacky, stupidly dressed hijinks:

First at the launch party for Jimmy Choo's line of shoes at H&M:


And then at a fashion show for the CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund finalists:


Crazy trick. Sharks, fake nails and thigh-high leather boots? I am so down.

+ Photos courtesy of Papermag, BlogCDN, OMG! Yahoo

Don't Be Tardy for the Party.

I've written about Rye Rye before:

Blurt #2
Rye Rye is featured in a pin-up/photo/fashion spread.
"Barely legal rapper Rye Rye likes shaking it to the ground, spitting Baltimore slang, hanging out with M.I.A. and wearing colors bold enough to scar your retinas."





But I've got to say, the Post story on her today is one of the best music profiles I've read in the paper in a while. It takes a while to get to the crux of the story, but when it does ... oh, man. Never saw that shit coming.

+ Blurb from Blurt courtesy of Atomicbooks.com