Saturday, April 17, 2010

Back, judgmental, etc.

Breaking my two-week hiatus. You wept while I was away, I know. Don't fret! I'm back! (I'm not wearing black. That would have been too easy.)

Anyway, personally for me, little has changed in these past two weeks; plus, you don't read this blog for my real life, anyway. You just want the snark, and I - being a woman of the people - am about to hit you up. Here, get at it:

1. So Rihanna is going on tour this summer with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj as her openers. I don't know, I would probably want to see Rihanna live. She has been known to cover M.I.A. - wicked off-key, but still - and I could be down for seeing that:

But like, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj are just such hot messes. One of my friends noted today that Minaj isn't really curvy, she's just kind of fat ... and, yeah. Her bottom-heavyness is impressive.

And Ke$ha is shockingly gross, soo ...

I might pass on all that. Also, I would put money on the fact that Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj have some nasty communicable diseases that could somehow travel through rows of seats and reach me wherever I am, and I'm cool with being healthy. Really, I'm

2. Plus, I have this feeling that one of them, either Rihanna or Ke$ha or Nicki, would wear this. Or one of them would wear it and then they would swap the leggings during the course of the tour.

SO TRASHY. I'm beginning to gross myself out. I'll stop.

3. See, the only trashiness I can truly enjoy is the kind offered up by Bravo - and the fact that "Real Housewives of New Jersey" starts its second season in a few weeks on May 3. So. Fucking. Excited.

If another table is flipped in public, my life will be fucking complete.

4. And finally, I was pretty bummed that yet again, for another year, Coachella happened and I was not there. I kind of hate festivals - they always seem smelly and icky and like you never have a real relationship or connection with the artist, just with the douche next to you - but I don't know, this year's lineup looked kind of good. Nevertheless, I'm TOTALLY OK with the fact that I therefore missed Jay-Z performing "Young Forever" with Beyonce instead of Mr. Hudson.

Downgrade from this
, definitely. Also, did Beyonce borrow those coochie-cutters from Miley Cyrus? My god, woman, you have enough money to invest in some fucking pants.

+ Photos courtesy of The Guardian, Idolator, Karmaloop

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