I'm trying not to be a Debbie Downer today, but too many things are annoying me. So here, in one fell swoop, everything that's stupid.
This is why I don't take vacations: Because some Leesburg guy tried to bomb a cruise ship. What the fuck! All those people tanning? A travesty.
This is why I don't want kids: Because some 11-year-old kid killed his dad's pregnant fiancee with a shotgun. Bad parenting? Nature vs. nurture? Fuck if I know, but I don't even want to chance being responsible for a kid who then murders someone I love. BAD IDEA.
This is why I hate Tim Burton: Since his version of "Alice in Wonderland" made a shitton of money, he's now considering remaking "Sleeping Beauty." With Angelina Jolie as Maleficent. Like, I'm definitely on Team Brangelina and everything, but I just can't see Angelina as this woman:
It's just not working for me.
This is why I can't stop eating ice cream: Because scientists are now considering a crippling love of junk food to be like, an actual addiction. I guess all my jokes about cupcakes being my crack were unfortunately true.
This is why I think rich people are awful: Because Jamie McCourt, the estranged wife of the owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team (she's standing next to Posh below) ...
... is trying to argue in her divorce settlement that she deserves $1 million a MONTH in spousal support. Yes kids, ONE MILLION DOLLARS a fucking month. That works out to $33,333 a day. That amount, in a day, is more than I make a fucking year at my job. There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE.
This is why I will never watch the MTV Movie Awards again: They are now allowing the public to nominate specific films for consideration, so that any film from 2009 can be up for any category. What is the point of having critics and people organizing an awards show if NO ONE is organizing the nominees? And this means that every category will be inundated with requests for "New Moon," right? UGH American youth, you are the WORST.
This is why I'm not really that excited about next year's family trip to Iran my parents keep pushing: Because going there and knowing that so many people, like its gay community, are subjugated and fucked over will probably put a damper on my trip. I'm not that excited about eating pomegranates and kabob when I hate the government so fucking much, you know?
This is why I don't feel that good about riding the Metro: Because there were four rapes on Metro property so far this year, and though WMATA officials say "there was an intent" to tell the public about them, they didn't. I feel so much better about my safety.
And, to end on a lighter note, this is why Usher's "Lil Freak" is my jam: Because videos with shady underground clubs, orchestras and Ciara are so bad they're good.
Don't worry, I still can't stand Nicki Menaj, especially in her first solo video, "Massive Attack." (A cameo by Amber Rose? REALLY?)
But back to "Lil Freak," anything with Usher will give me joy. He's just so dreamy!
+ Photos courtesy of LordWhat'sMyMotivation, the Atlanta Journal Constitution