Probly the only time Gary Oldman and Snooki will be mentioned in the same place.

I've been at work for more than five hours - and I still have five hours to go - and it's killing me. Mondays + Daylight Savings Time = terrible. If I could sneak to my car and take a nap, that'd be tight.

Until then, I will comment on things that are meaningless to most of the world. It's all I know how to do.

1. I'll be honest, I've smirked a lot over Charlie Sheen's recent crazy (I'm not linking to anything regarding it because if you didn't already know about it I can't explain it to you in such a brief space). But I did get depressed after reading this essay on why Alice in Chains member Mike Starr, who recently died after a stint on "Celebrity Rehab," should give us more insight as to Sheen's bizarro antics. Sheen's an addict, so I shouldn't laugh at his behavior - no matter how many times he says "winning." But one of my favorite authors Bret Easton Ellis also points out that Sheen is giving us what we want out of celebrities, which is pretty depressing but also pretty accurate. Shame on us, yo.

2. I had to see "Red Riding Hood" last week (you should read my review if you didn't already), and the film underperformed at the box office, which is a welcome relief. (Sadly, so did "Mars Needs Moms," which I actually thought was pretty good.) Anyway, you don't have to sit through the awful of "Red Riding Hood" to get a peek at Gary Oldman's great purple-velvet-dress-cloak outfit from the film - and some other great Oldman outfits, counted down by io9.

Look at him filming "Red Riding Hood" - so damn purple!


And back during "Dracula" - so damn creepy!


And that fucking hair!


Seriously, the list is amazing, and so are Oldman's outfits. And they're often quite feminine, despite Oldman's grizzled old-manliness - the sign of a great actor! See him licking that blood off a recently used razor? Nauseating cinematic legend!

3. Arcade Fire releases a trailer of their 30-minute short-film, "Scenes from the Suburbs," which they worked on with Spike Jonze (who also collaborated with them on their video for the single "The Suburbs") and which (duh) shares the name of their Grammy-winning third album. Look, here's a clip! Supposedly the whole thing is coming to DVD eventually.



4. Things for Urban Outfitters, which is facing plummeting stock prices because of their poor profits recently, keep getting worse: the Associated Press is now suing the store for using an AP picture of President Obama, which freelance photographer Mannie Garcia took for the AP in 2006 ...


... (which artist Shepard Fairey then made into the "Hope" poster, which became pretty legendary) ...


... without their permission on T-shirts. AP already was in a legal wrangle with Fairey for using the image, so it's not surprising that Urban Outfitters would be next.

5. Lastly, and probably most depressingly, have now seen more of Snooki's body than I ever wanted to. Or, look for more photos here. I could make fun of her but honestly I just want to give her a better-fitting bikini bottom. Maybe not boyshorts? Anything that wouldn't create a wedgie would basically work, because the amount that my eyes hate me - and my sympathy for Snooki and the woes of overweight girls everywhere - are both now reaching optimum levels. BITCH YOU'RE RICH, BUY SOMETHING THAT FITS.

+ Photos courtesy of www.movieline.com, www.empireonline.com, media.sfx.co.uk, www.williscreative.com, www.doobybrain.com

I'm rereading The Great Gatsby ASAP.

Can't decide if this is hilarious or just gross.

F. Scott Fitzergald tee by teneastread on Etsy, $18

Probably both. Probably should buy it. It can hang out next to my Prose Before Hos shirt.


I'm sure they'd be friends.

+ Photos courtesy of Etsy, BustedTees

My closet, and bookcase, won't ever stop growing.

Just found a new way to transform my nerdy love of books with my pathetic love of passion: Out of Print. The company makes T-shirts with classic book covers on them, and then for each shirt you buy, they contribute part of that cost to sending a book to an underprivileged area or community. Kind of like TOMS Shoes, but like, with tops and books I adore.

I already have these on my must-buy list:

The Catcher in the Rye, $28


On the Road, $28


Of Mice and Men, $28


A Streetcar Named Desire, $28


Brave New World, $28

And I haven't read this yet, but my boyfriend is a fan, and I was kind of surprised they had it:

The Master and Margarita, $28

Now, if they only had "The Great Gatsby," my life would be complete. Maybe they'd take requests?!

+ Photos courtesy of Out of Print

Headline news! Well, kind of.

I spent a lot of today watching bad movies ("Point Break," "Sleepy Hollow," whatever); being angry that the worthless trick Ke$ha has a pair of shoes named after her that I kind of actually like, even though they are fucking absurdly expensive ...

Kesha by Pour la Victoire, $335

... and reading the newz. It's what I do! Lazy Saturdays; I'm sure you know the drill.

1. Apparently classical music has absurdly low record sales and could basically be in danger of disappearing from recording altogether. I don't listen to classical music - like, EVER - but it's interesting to see just how fucked up and low record sales really are. Kind of sucks for the future of music, I'd think.

2. The cast of "Jersey Shore" is coming back for a second season, which ... could possibly not be set in New Jersey? I don't understand the point of this, but MTV makes bad decisions all the time, so whatever. Granted, I still have managed to escape actually watching the show, so ... I'll probably love it if I actually watch it. Let's be honest.


3. Author Nicholas Sparks calls his novel, "Dear John," which is being made into a movie with Amanda Seyfried and Channing Tatum, a modern-day "Casablanca."


It's cool that the movie is now totally ruined for me by the own author giving away the ending. THANKS DUDE.

4. Am I the only person for whom Obama's shine is starting to dull? Because his administration's decision to step up arms sales to Saudi Arabia and other Middle Eastern nations in order to thwart Iran, a country he has claimed to want to work closer with diplomatically, is ... pretty much hypocritical. My boyfriend points out to me that this happened a few years ago, too, and is pretty standard arms race bullshit, but that doesn't make me any less pissed off.

5. The Ravens have just hired Jim Zorn, disgraced former head of the Washington Redskins, as their new quarterbacks coach. I think that a lot of Zorn's failure with the Redskins was because of how much of a douche Daniel Snyder is, but ... if Joe Flacco starts fucking up majorly next year, I know who to blame.


Looking at you, d00d! This is prob the face Zorn made when he realized he had a new job, btw. Recession, man. That shit sucks.


+ Photos courtesy of Solestruck, Clevver, RealityTea, Evening Sun, TaylorMadeTirade

I've just got so many thoughts.

Sorry for the lack of posts; this week has been shitty. To deal, I've been amusing myself with the following things:

1. Christian Joy, the woman who does Karen O.'s costumes, did a line inspired by "Where the Wild Things Are." Here are some pics:



Overall, the pieces are ridiculous but also fucking amazing, considering how much work it must have taken for all of them to come together. Although, Joy admits that she hadn't read the book before this point; what the fuck, did she not have a childhood?

2. These have been making me chuckle.


Like, what? Who in their right mind would wear elbow-length leather gloves? Besides like, me, Rihanna and Aunty Entity, I'm going to guess no one.


3. Fashion Week wrapped up with some sick shit. You can see for yourself.

Anna Sui

Isaac Mizrahi

Nanette Lepore

Phillip Lim

+ Photos courtesy of Urban Outfitters, Yahoo Movies, NY Fashion Week

I'm like Charlotte York/Goldenblatt; I don't check out down there.

This story by Naomi Wolf four years ago in New York magazine made me hate Ivy League schools (well, even more than I already did). It came out right around the time I was applying to college, and the schools I dreamed of were mainly not in the Ivy League anyway - I had my eyes on New York University (ummm, I got in, thx), not Harvard - but this story, about universities ignoring complaints of sexual harassment from female students and graduate assistants about famous, high-profile professors, didn't help their reputation much.

Now, five years later, Wolf - who has continued writing with books like "The Beauty Myth" and "Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood" - has announced that she's working on a new project hesitantly titled "A Cultural History of the Vagina." And, I'm torn. I don't really like knowing that much about my anatomy (look, vaginas freak me out), but I also enjoy learning more about how patriarchy treats women like crap. So maybe I could check out the book, but skip over the word "vagina?"

What a hassle. This is why people don't read.

Harry Potter, Harry Potter! Harry Potter, Harry Potter - that's me!

Back in freshman year of college I took American Studies 203: Pop Culture in America, and for this exceedingly labor-intensive class, we studied seven areas of pop culture - music, film, books, TV, etc. - picked something from each and wrote a 15-page paper on the themes it contains and what those mean both about the creator of the material and the society that consumes it. My book of choice, after considering doing "The Kite Runner" and realizing that I couldn't write about a book I fully despise for mostly these reasons, was "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince," which had come out a few months before.

One of my main points: J.K. Rowling's description of The Daily Prophet and how her negative depiction of the media must subtly suggest her own dislike, and, that Rita Skeeter is meant to symbolize all those mud-slinging, Stephen Glass- and Jayson Blair-esque journalists that probably stalk the crap out of her life. Hey, it didn't have to be true, it just had to be what I guessed.

But now, with a recent study suggesting that Harry Potter readers show a greater dislike of the press because of how Skeeter displays "a complete disregard for accuracy, truthfulness and objectivity," I feel disappointingly vindicated. I may have gotten an A in that class (yay!), but now part of the reason the journalism industry (which I've adored since watching and reading "All the President's Men") is failing could be because those obsessed little kids with Sharpie lightning scars on their foreheads can't bother to pick up a paper. Awesome.

I leave you with this:

GODS:














TRICK-ASS BITCH:



+ Photos courtesy of IMDB