Things I'm torn about, part I.

OK, that title is misleading. I'm always torn about things. Should I buy everything from Illamasqua's Toxic Nature collection now, when it's only offered in Britain and therefore costs a shitton because our conversion rate into pounds sucks, OR wait until Sephora eventually carries it at hopefully cheaper prices? Should I eventually watch the HBO movie about Sarah Palin and John McCain, or will it just make me want to vomit all over my TV? And, should I really be reading these spoilers about the new season of "True Blood," therefore ruining my joy when it finally comes back in June?!@! Decisions, DECISIONS.

Anyway, here's some other stuff that has got me all rankled today. (P.S. Did you know "wrankles" are supposedly the wrinkles on a penis? Hey, it's what UrbanDictionary told me.)

1. These hearings from the House Homeland Security Committee on "radical Islam," organized by chairman Peter King (R-N.Y.). I don't really like talking about politics or religion because it inevitably becomes a screaming match full of ignorance and blatant bigotry, but reading the Post's recaps of what's happening is making me real emotional. It's tough to hear all these Muslims talking about how fucked up the country is and how torn they are regarding how much they have to defend themselves and their beliefs, and as the child of two Iranian Muslim immigrants I've been in some crappy situations before, so I understand the pain there. It's just sad. America makes me sad. Let's not forget that King is the same guy who said "There are too many mosques in this country," because, you know, that's fucking tolerant.

2. Changing subjects, apparently the world's youngest grandmother is 23. ROMANIA WHAT. I AM 23. The idea of an 11-year-old having a child is pretty insane - just like this story that the New York Times recently reported about an 11-year-old being gang-raped. (Jezebel says all the interviews in the story seemingly sympathize with the rapists, which is true, but I must say that quoting people who are biased doesn't necessarily make a story biased, people.) Anyway, if the U.S. made a TV show about the Romanian granny, they couldn't even call it "Teen Mom" - it would have to be "Tween Mom." And that just blew my mind.

3. Did anyone know that a Terp is going to be on the next season of "The Real World," the return to Las Vegas? I don't know who he is, but apparently we have a friend in common on Facebook, meaning I can grab this photo of him:


Wiki tells me Michael Ross, 23, "is a conservative" and "the president of the UMD Students against National Healthcare" group. MTV tells me he's a "beer pong pro, and all around nice guy" who has had to struggle with family hardship when his mother got sick with cancer. That sucks, I must admit. BUT I hope to watch all of his morals eventually chip away in Vegas, because that's what I hope happens to all douchey people who call themselves an "outspoken Libertartian." However, he can't have fun there. He just needs to have all his values shattered.

4. DUH, everyone by now knows that I worked for American Apparel and that founder Dov Charney is a raging perv. Well, now one of the girls who claims he raped her is suing for $250 million, and in case you need more reasons to think the guy is a jerk, here's a rundown of all his past transgressions. I say this while wearing an American Apparel hoodie. Don't judge me.

5. And lastly, I haven't fully gotten into "The Wire," making me a horrible fan of pop culture, but I do find it interesting that while everyone is reporting how Felicia "Snoop" Pearson from the show got arrested today for drugs in Baltimore, no one is remembering how she was on that episode of "No Reservations" where Anthony Bourdain went to Baltimore.


I dug up his blog post about that episode, which aired in '09, and it's an interesting read. Sad now in hindsight, but still good.

+ Photos courtesy of Facebook, soupsoup.tumblr.com.

Summer could be real unfortunate.

I'm not sure what's worse: Bathing suits that are this ugly,

Ride the Wave one-piece, $169.99

Twilight Flight one-piece, $169.99

Or bathing suits made by Spanx.

Colorblock one-piece, $198

Like, if you're worried enough about your figure that you have to wear a bathing suit created by a company whose entire purpose is to suck and tuck your body fat, shouldn't you just put $200 toward a gym membership instead? As a person with eight pints of Ben and Jerry's in her freezer, I'm saying this with your best intentions at heart.

Either way, my eyes hurt and blame me for exposing them to both this and Maryland's defeat earlier. Oh, and similarly to these see-through pants by American Apparel:

Nylon Spandex Micro-Mesh Jumper Pant, $40

Yup, totally mesh pants. Sluts everywhere, I've found your uniform.

+ Photos courtesy of Modcloth, Victoria's Secret, American Apparel

A few of my LEAST FAVORITE things.

Dear universe,

Let me ask you something: Was today some kind of test of my willpower? Because seriously, you just kept throwing awful curve-balls at me left and right. Don't act all fucking coy. You know what I'm talking about:

1. American Apparel's Satin Charmeuse Jumper Pants, $40. Nast.


2. The American editor of a Palestinian news agency was basically kicked out of Israel today for printing opinions the government doesn't like, further proving that the country will remove anyone who doesn't agree with them. AWESOME. Is that supposed to be freedom? Cuz like, it's fucking not.

3. Apparently, the most-watched shows on regular TV and cable last week included winners like "WWE Raw," "NCIS" and "Two and a Half Men." Is America functionally retarded? Seriously, WHO WATCHES THESE SHOWS. Is this why Conan is failing? Because every one of you deserves to die, I swear.

4. The New York Times is going to start charging for access to its website, and The New Republic just wrote some huge piece on why The Washington Post is basically going down into a cesspool of its own creation. ... So, do I have a future doing journalism, or should I start looking for a rich oil tyrant husband now?

5. Rihanna performs a cover of Bob Marley's "Redemption Song" on "Oprah" as a way to inspire those suffering from the earthquake in Haiti. I don't know, I'm just not too enthused by this; she probably means well? But Joe Strummer's cover is better, and we all know it.



Full of rage, as always,

- Me.

+ Photo courtesy of American Apparel

It's fugging up my life when I'm with you. (Slightly NSFW)

Thanks to the VMAs and ALMAs, there have been a lot of nasty outfits going around lately; it's kind of like fashion swine flu. These five are definitely my recent faves:

1. I really don't like that Selena Gomez always looks like she's going to the prom or to a wedding as a tacky bridesmaid when she's on the red carpet. I'm not saying she should look like an epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something, but I do think she should look young and fresh and not old and beat.


2. I'm just gonna go ahead and quote myself on this one: "An epic slutbomb, like Miley Cyrus or something."


3. I adore Leona Lewis; I think she's an amazing talent and could rival Beyonce in the United States if she had better publicity. But trying to be edgy with this unnecessary corset is not helping her case.


4. I hate when celebrities wear American Apparel at large events and awards shows; I've railed against it numerous times in this blog. And while I don't really agree with Yahoo, who said Kat Von D "delivered the trash" at the ALMA Awards with this outfit, I do think that the sheer dress coupled with the American Apparel shorts and tube bra AND that janky wig just makes one awful sight.


5. I am just waiting for Lady Gaga to be completely naked onstage one day, like Macy Gray did a few years ago. Because like, throwing out titties is almost commonplace now; Lil Kim and Janet Jackson were doing that shit years ago, and even Rihanna is letting her nipples hang out while just running errands.


So this photo really doesn't shock me. I'd rather Gaga whip her vagina out and PUT IT ALL ON THE TABLE. That would truly get her the kind of attention she's looking for, I imagine.


+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Yahoo

Some Brokeback shit.

Dear American Apparel,

I wish I could quit you.

Affectionately but bitterly,

- Me.

Printed Interlock Zip Shoulder Crop Top, $36

Foil Print Nylon Spandex Micro-Mesh Triangle Cross-Back Bra, $19


Nylon Tricot Scoop Back Tank Pencil Dress, $42


Chambray Henley Shirt Dress, $62

+ Photos courtesy of American Apparel

Fire Burning.

Work in retail long enough and you'll want to watch the whole world burn. I graced American Apparel with my presence for a year, and though the free clothes and 50% discount were sweet, the disorganized corporate structure, female objectification and rampant shoplifting weren't.

Now that I'm gone from the place, have no friends that work there anymore and can only read about Dov Charney's indiscretions instead of hearing them first-hand during weekly conference calls, I haven't bought much; the prices are too obnoxious and my bank account too pathetic to keep purchasing pretty-colored cotton and shiny lamé. I still have a healthy relationship with perusing the store's website, though - especially when items like these keep popping up under the "New Items" category:



But it's hard to lust after U-neck dresses, seersucker Kennedy shorts and foil stripper gear when American Apparel is making stuff like this, too:


No, I'm not gay. But do I still find the placement of the slogan on these unisex briefs wildly offensive, and comparable to the ad with the girl licking a guy's crotch, or see-through panties, or haywire pubic hair, or unnecessary nipples, or unnecessary buttcrack, or unnecessary full-frontal, or that one shot from below so the girl looks like she's on top, or the one with Dov Charney's face and a quote from him that says it's women, not men, who are "perpetuating a victim culture?" Pretty much, yeah.


+ Photos courtesy of American Apparel and Adrants.com, as AA's archives strangely didn't have that one with Dov's misogyny on full display. Weird (insert dripping sarcasm ... all through this post).