A rapid rundown of things you should know about today:
1. I reviewed "Drive Angry" in 3-D, which came out last week and was pretty terrible. Why Nicolas Cage, why? How are you still bankrupt? Oh right because your most recent film was "Season of the Witch," which sucked a huge one but somehow made a profit. Because people are dumb. Really, really dumb.
2. SO DUMB, IN FACT, that George Lucas is going to release "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace" in 3-D in 2012. What have we done as a people to deserve such terribleness? Baz Luhrmann shooting "The Great Gatsby" in 3-D wasn't enough, we now have to suffer the terror of Jar-Jar swinging his dopiness around all screen, REALLY CLOSE to my face? Great. Thanks George Lucas. I hope Skywalker Ranch erupts into Waco-like flames.
3. Lastly, my favorite part of today came when Mos Def called out Usher's and Justin Bieber's weird, vaguely incestuous, kind of creepy mentorship relationship with this perfect tweet: "I heard Justin Bieber has a 10 inch dick, but its in his ass and belongs to Usher." Classy, sir. Classy. It's like this one time my boyfriend showed me a video of Mos Def being all sketchy and high at a record store.
How can you NOT love him? I imagine him and James Franco hanging out all the time, mimicking the high faces Franco made during the Oscars this weekend. So. Fucking. High.
+ EDIT: The boyfriend informs me this can't be Mos Def's real Twitter account, because a. Mos Def is often too high to understand how to use a computer and b. probably can't "type relatively coherent sentences." Fine - but whoever is posing as Mos Def is also hilarious.