Here are some things that should embarrass all of us when heading into the weekend, because there's nothing that will get you more jazzed up for two days off than terrible parents and terrible films. Yayyy!
1. I recently made the mistake of watching the trailer for "The Smurfs" movie, which comes out Aug. 3. Because people for some reason want to hear Katy Perry talk instead of seeing her boobs. Hahaha kidding! No seriously Katy show me your boobs.
2. This Orlando couple admitted to beating a 3-year-old boy to death after he wet himself - then they ate a pizza and watched a movie and finally called the cops hours later to pretend the kid was "wheezing" and the noise wouldn't let them sleep. Things this proves: A. Florida is crazy and B. people are crazy and C. people who kill people should be killed by the same way they murdered the other person. I'm talking an eye-for-an-eye justice. That's not just because I'm vaguely Muslim, but because HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE AWFUL HOW DO YOU KILL A BABY ARGHHHHH.
3. Snakeskin pedicures are apparently a thing - women pay $300 or so to get real snakeskin applied to their toenails, a six-month-long process. Why? I don't have answers for why. Because people have a shitton of money and are often retarded? That's as close as I can get. For what other reason would you attach a reptile's discarded skin on your body - for hundreds of dollars? WHY. ELSE. Can't people just go forage in the desert for snakeskin and use Krazy Glue? That's my low-budget suggestion.
4. Lastly, and most depressingly for me, I'm pretty sure I have all the elements of Zac Efron's outfit in the below picture.
And I'm pretty sure I've worn them in the exact same configuration. I'm terrible, I know - but sweaters are comfy! And so are cut-off jean shorts! Fuck you all.
+ Photo courtesy of Dlisted.com