For shame, people.

Here are some things that should embarrass all of us when heading into the weekend, because there's nothing that will get you more jazzed up for two days off than terrible parents and terrible films. Yayyy!

1. I recently made the mistake of watching the trailer for "The Smurfs" movie, which comes out Aug. 3. Because people for some reason want to hear Katy Perry talk instead of seeing her boobs. Hahaha kidding! No seriously Katy show me your boobs.



2. This Orlando couple admitted to beating a 3-year-old boy to death after he wet himself - then they ate a pizza and watched a movie and finally called the cops hours later to pretend the kid was "wheezing" and the noise wouldn't let them sleep. Things this proves: A. Florida is crazy and B. people are crazy and C. people who kill people should be killed by the same way they murdered the other person. I'm talking an eye-for-an-eye justice. That's not just because I'm vaguely Muslim, but because HOLY SHIT PEOPLE ARE AWFUL HOW DO YOU KILL A BABY ARGHHHHH.

3. Snakeskin pedicures are apparently a thing - women pay $300 or so to get real snakeskin applied to their toenails, a six-month-long process. Why? I don't have answers for why. Because people have a shitton of money and are often retarded? That's as close as I can get. For what other reason would you attach a reptile's discarded skin on your body - for hundreds of dollars? WHY. ELSE. Can't people just go forage in the desert for snakeskin and use Krazy Glue? That's my low-budget suggestion.

4. Lastly, and most depressingly for me, I'm pretty sure I have all the elements of Zac Efron's outfit in the below picture.


And I'm pretty sure I've worn them in the exact same configuration. I'm terrible, I know - but sweaters are comfy! And so are cut-off jean shorts! Fuck you all.

+ Photo courtesy of Dlisted.com

UGH, to the tune of a round-up.

When it rains, kids, it pours fucking stupid, retarded news that makes me want to take a wrench to the world's head. Ummm, yeah, that much anger. Believe me.

So here are today's most angst-causing news items:

1. Fashion designer Lee Alexander McQueen kills himself. I don't like explaining suicides, because I don't think they make sense, but you can Google around and try to figure out why he took his life. I don't know what to say, really; he was amazingly talented and great at making insane high-fashion shit, the kind that my boyfriend hates. Like this:


And those shoes that Lady Gaga brought mainstream attention to by wearing in the video for "Bad Romance:"


SO yeah, depressing.

2. Rihanna releases her video for "Rude Boy."



The song is kind of annoying and the video doesn't really go anywhere. If I wanted to watch someone shake their butt against a backdrop of annoying colors, I'd just watch the video for "Video Phone."

Also, I similarly don't enjoy these pictures from the video Alicia Keys and Beyonce are shooting for "Put It In a Love Song" down in Rio de Janeiro.



Nothing they are wearing is flattering. At all.

3. Big shocker, Americans don't understand serving sizes. I'm sorry, but I don't see why this warrants a full story by the New York Times. As a country, we're obese and too lazy to read - and follow - serving sizes and portion control. We eat shit like this, come on.


I'm guilty of that too - thankfully, NOT of eating the Craz-E Burger - but like ... how much does the U.S. government really need to dumb shit down for people? Just read the back of the fucking box. Done.

4. Tom Cruise inks deal for "Mission Impossible 4." Who keeps commissioning these films? Like, I understand that the third one made double its budget, but it was AWFUL. I guess I'm just really sick of Tom Cruise's SO SERIOUS face.


I think he looks constipated. You agree, don't lie.

5. Lil Wayne's sentencing on gun charges gets delayed because he has to have emergency surgery on his tooth. I'm sorry, what? I would love to get out of shit and blame it on my grill.


No, really, I would love to just HAVE Lil Wayne's diamond-crusted teeth. Imagine how much that shit could go for on the black hoodrat market. Umm, that wasn't racist.

6. More proof that home-schooling is a bad idea: Horrible father locks his daughter in the bathroom for months because she failed a test and supposedly stole food. I really do think most people should be executed.

7. Taylor Swift slams down a cool $2 million on a swanky penthouse in Nashville. I don't hate the girl, but fuck that shit. Look at this interior.


This is NOT OK. I could write songs about high school! My experiences were lame, too! SOMEONE GIVE ME MONEY.

8. And lastly, Vanessa Hudgens and I have the same shoes.


Does that mean we can share Zac Efron? That'd be great, kthx.

+ Photos courtesy of Oodora, OMG! Yahoo, New York Daily News, Scrape TV, Starpulse

The Boys are Back.

I feel like I post enough boobs and cleavage and other crap that I can have this update for myself.

TADA!


Yeah, Zac Ryan is pretty bottom-ish. But he's also the Jake Ryan of our age.

Ugh, can't believe I just admitted that. Back to posting breasts, I guess.

+ Courtesy of PopSugar