I can't afford any of these clothes, so time to bash them.

Who the fuck was letting these women out of the house and to the "Night of Fashion & Technology with LG Mobile Phones" in Los Angeles on Monday? (That seems like the stupidest, most contrived event ever, or at least this week, but still.)

But really, Jessica Simpson's breasts are sagging like all hell, and she's wearing wings on her hips. This is helping her insistence that she's a size 4 how, exactly?


I know that Katharine McPhee's top and capri pants are both from designer Alice + Olivia, but she looks like an Old Navy mannequin working corners in Las Vegas with that overly shiny get-up.


And Rashida Jones's blouse, jeans and fringed boots all look like they're fighting for possession of her body and can't decide who's going to win the bout. It's fucking May in L.A. Why the fuck is ANYONE wearing suede boots and tight long jeans? Oh, and it's pathetic that her muumuu-like shirt is the most in-season apparel she's got on. Wear a dress, woman!


... OK, just not Anna Kendrick's dress. No one is attending a funeral here, it's a party held by a cell phone company. Shit ain't that serious.


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

I CRY TEARS.

SO disappointed today. For so many reasons.

1. David Boreanaz, who stole my heart by playing Angel on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" all those years ago, admits to cheating on his wife. That's him, looking dreamy.


I guess he gets points for honesty and for not allowing the situation to become Tiger Woods- or Jesse James-like? But ... he still cheated. IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.

2. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz continue to look like total douches when attending the Kentucky Derby this weekend ...


... and while "hiking" in Los Angeles after returning from the race.


I put "hiking" in quotations because I fucking refuse to believe that these people exerted any kind of energy while wearing Converse sneakers and jeans, AND ALSO TEXTING. That's like, the most uncomfortable, illogical "hiking" situation ever, so disbelief, you are all up in my face right now.

3. NBC approves another show from J.J. Abrams. You may immediately think, "Hypocritical bitch, but you LOVE 'Lost'!" And yes, that's true. But I really don't like that this show sounds like a "Mr. and Mrs Smith" rip-off: "Undercovers, about a married couple of former spies lured out of retirement by the CIA," is how USA Today describes its premise. BOO. Do people not remember how lame "Felicity" was, which Abrams was also responsible for? Come on.

4. Some woman attacks people in a California Target, stabbing the fuck out of them for no reason. ALL I DO IS SHOP AT TARGET. THIS IS A HORRIBLE DEVELOPMENT FOR SOCIETY. Like, what was her motive? Pissed off at the low prices? Angry at the aisles and aisles of well-organized merchandise? UGHH.

5. Lastly, Kendall Jenner may be only 14 and only half Kardashian, but god, her wardrobe choices are really making me hate her already.


16-year-old Ali Lohan, you have met your dressing-far-too-old-for-her-age, on-the-road-to-crack match. FIGHT!

+ Photos courtesy of TIME, OMG! Yahoo

Remember that Fall Out Boy lyric about how they had "such good fashion sense" ... really?

All I can think of when I look at this picture, which was taken after Ashlee Simpson's debut in "Chicago" on Broadway, is, "Morticia and Gomez go emo."


Poor Addams family. To be mimicked in such a way is strongly disrespectful, no? Wednesday would have never stood for this shit.

+ Photo courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Yup, I have a journalism degree.

There's lots of media-related news flying around this week, and while some of it has got me really angry, some of it's pretty baller. So, indulge my journalist's nerdiness for a while, plz ...

Stupid things:

1. The football coach from the University of Montana, Bobby Hauck, ignoring student journalists from the school's newspaper, the Montana Kaimin, after they wrote a story about football players involved in an alleged assault. Since then, Hauck refuses to take their question in press conferences, belittles them in front of other reporters and is being an overall jackass; the Missoulian wrote a pretty solid story about it. As a former editor for my college paper, I can honestly say that was always our one fear: That the university's Athletics Department would get pissed off, pull our credentials and fuck us over entirely; it's scary to know that shit can actually happen.

2. Self magazine dethrones Bethesda, Md., as the healthiest city for women in the nation. Granted, I spent my teenager years-early adulthood in Bethesda and pretty much hated it. But knowing my uppity neighbors, they will be pissed off about this. I'm not sure if the fact that Totalbeauty.com ranks Bethesda as the city with the hottest guys in the country (... seriously?!) will help soothe their woes, either.

3. Ashlee Simpson will be in an upcoming issue of Vogue. Here's her getting to the photo shoot, looking confused and stupid:


Fuck you for this choice, Anna Wintour. You are dumb as a fucking box.

Good things:

1. Vanity Fair does a pretty solid piece on how the fuck Jon and Kate Gosselin got so famous, and what that's done to them as people. This was them before the fame:


As someone who is similarly confused about why I so often read up on these useless people, I found the piece well-organized and really intriguing. Plus, I ALSO love sushi, so I learned something I have in common with Kate Gosselin. You know, because I don't ever plan on having eight fucking children, so we can't share that bond.

2. The Washington Post unleashed their print redesign earlier this week, and I actually really like it. It's more colorful, graphics-oriented and eye-catching, and thankfully, it's not too "YAY WE'RE TRYING TO BE HIP LOVE US." Here's a breakdown of all the differences, and here's today's front page:


3. And the Post also wrote a story today about various musicians like Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and the Roots taking part in a FOIA request about what music was played at Guantanamo Bay to torture prisoners. Finally, rock stars rally together to attack something that isn't downloading music! My heart rejoices/hates the treatment of prisoners.

+ Photos courtesy of Celebuzz, Urie, Newseum