Hats? This summer? Really?

Do people still wear hats? I know fedoras have been making a comeback for a few years, but ... I don't know about all this Easter-colored, pastal-drenched shit.

Cressman by Aldo Accessories, $15


Liddicoat by Aldo Accessories, $18

Confusing, really. If this is because of Sarah Jessica Parker's willingness to wear dumb hats ...



... then I hate everyone involved in this fashion decision.

+ Photos courtesy of Aldo Shoes, OMG! Yahoo

Comics are always better than Carrie.

Dear this weekend,

Despite the fact that you are a three-day endeavor, I am not excited about your existence. Mainly because you allowed the following abominations of nature to happen. Let me explain.

Elaborately,

- Me.

1. Miley Cyrus again claims she doesn't listen to pop music, this time wrapped in an interview where she bashes "Glee" but also attempts to convince us that her music is not just "glitz and glamour." "A lot of [pop] songs are super shallow, but this music isn't," she insists of her upcoming album, "Can't Be Tamed."

See, here's where I get confused: I'm pretty sure that dressing like a humongous slut and gyrating onstage to covers of bands you don't know - if she knows who the Runaways are, I will fucking swear off ice cream or something - is "super shallow."



Stupid hypocritical bitch!!

2. And then in MORE Miley-related news, she awkwardly suggests onstage that she's not at all over Nick Jonas. In introducing a song describing their break-up, she goes, "They're always gonna come back together no matter what anyone says or the bad people that try to keep you apart. Surprise surprise, it's about a Jonas brother." Hold the phone, people - I'm pretty sure that her current boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth, is way better looking than that Jonas kid, but even still. Shame on anyone for dating that trashbox.

3. I guessed a few days ago that Heidi leaving Spencer was really just so they could get another TV show after "The Hills" ends this year, and sadly enough, that guess is coming true: Old "Hills" castmate Jennifer Bunney claims that she and Heidi are getting a house together in Malibu this summer and are filming a new reality show. For anyone who gives a fuck, Bunney was in Lauren Conrad's inner circle with Heidi ...


... Before she tried to fuck around with Brody Jenner, pissing off LC and basically getting her kicked out of the clique. So it makes sense that she and Heidi, both now scum on LC's shoes, would be teaming up together. Oh, the memories, when they both looked normal ...


4. "Sex and the City 2," which was pretty universally panned by critics, brings in $46.3 million so far after opening Wednesday at midnight. No, I'm not angry that the film didn't make enough money, I'm pissed that it made so much. Seriously, can someone put the crones away?


Like, I'm supposed to believe this was a flashback to when Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie arrived in New York City in the '80s? Oh, OK. I guess leathery and weathered was in back then.

5. And lastly, no more "Iron Man" appearances until "The Avengers," according to director Jon Favreau. Sadness. As simple as that.

+ Photos courtesy of The Hollywood Gossip, Zimbio, 80MillionMoviesFree

Party in the U.S.A., MY ASS.

This shit makes me so uncomfortable.


I don't know about you, but at 16, I wasn't watching "Sex and the City" and wearing thigh-high stripper heels to go along with my vag-flashing mini-dress ...


... while also pretending to have Christian morals. Nope, I'm pretty sure I was watching this:

YUP, you are seeing that correctly. That's Arthur. I love that aardvark mofo.


So basically, can Billy Ray go ahead and reel Miley in already? Shouldn't his God-loving heart be offended that his little girl is making a cameo in a movie about decidedly unreligious women who fuck all the time, and is doing so in a spiked dog-collar and whore boots? Wouldn't that shit make baby Jesus cry or something?

P.S. Bitch control your crazy eyes!


+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, WPT

Sex and the City and opinions.

MIRANDA!


I have missed you, you hot bitch. If there's anything I'm looking forward to when it comes to "Sex and the City 2," it's YOU. Especially because you're a huge lesbian in real life and I can respect that.

Not this, though. Ugh. This earns no respect. An old Sarah Jessica Parker playing a young Carrie = bad look.


+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, Entertainment Weekly

Fashion is pain, huh?

I love that Patricia Field used to be in charge of the clothes on "Sex and the City" - she used to both make some of her items and chose the rest from a variety of designers like Christian Dior, Chanel, Marc Jacobs, the yooj. Carrie's wardrobe often veered into the insane - the Vivienne Westwood dress she chose for last summer's film, for example ...


... but you can't deny Field's lasting impact on America's fashion scene. She made Manolo Blahnik a household name, and I've lusted after Carrie's nameplate necklace ...


... for as long as I can remember.

Which is why Patricia Field's clothes on her website are sooo confusingly slutty. Maybe it's just because they're not in the "Sex and the City" context anymore and their full whoriness is totally, obviously on display, but it's simply ... not a good look.

At all.

Disco 3000 Metallic Mini-Dress, $48


Disco 3000 Cut-Out Strapless Dress, $48


Sultana Bronze Mini-Dress, $52


Wow. Just. Wow.

Rhinestone Dress, $1,320

+ Photos courtesy of FashionInMotion, ShinyStyle, Patricia Field