Dear Washington Post,
Why do you even bother printing this piece, which rounds up four useless opinions from the Style section's music writers on M.I.A.'s latest song, "Born Free," when all the opinions are, well, fucking useless? Great, they think her use of violence is just gathering up buzz for her upcoming album - instead of, you know, in line with the same political opinions she's given on her previous two albums. I know my boyfriend will argue that she's dumb for making an expensive clothing line and naming her kid something stupid, but that doesn't really seem all that relevant to the Post's dumb thoughts.
And somehow, the video for "Born Free" is more offensive to the Post than similar hypocrisies by people they like, such as Lady Gaga, who uses making out with people of the same sex basically for the same reason? God, you all fucking suck.
Pissed-off-ly,
- Me.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
People get paid to write about stuff they like. I do it for free.
Time released their most recent influential 100 list for 2010, and though it's full of the usual suspects - like the grossness that is Sarah Palin and Lady Gaga, obviously - there are a lot of choices that fill me with total joy. Here, my nine favorites. Picking 10 would have been too expected. Oh, and I'm a jerk.
1. Zahra Rahnavard, Iranian activist. This is my favorite excerpt from Shirin Ebadi's blurb on her, because it says so much in so little: "Mir-Hossein Mousavi may be the face of Iran's Green protest movement, but the government fears his wife just as much."
2. Kathryn Bigelow, director of "The Hurt Locker." Fellow director Oliver Stone hit gold with the last paragraph on her: "Yet despite enormous accolades, her film is considered a financial failure — like all films about the Iraq war. The question lingers: Why, despite our country's love affair with violence, do Americans refuse to see these realistic films? With The Hurt Locker, Bigelow unflinchingly stuck her finger in the tragic heart of a national wound — our inability to face ourselves."
Also, I still can't get over that picture.
3. Banksy, artist. It makes sense that Shepard Fairey, the guy who made that iconic Obama poster, would say this about the mysterious British graffiti master: "He doesn't ignore boundaries; he crosses them to prove their irrelevance." Simple and direct.
My favorite Banksy piece. So fucking good.
4. Conan O'Brien, God among men. It seems fitting that George Lopez would write about Conan, since they're going to be on TBS together, and I really like the honesty Lopez gives in this piece by kind of admitting that he first doubted O'Brien's on-air talent: "He wasn't a performer; he was a writer. But then I watched, and I recognized his unique perspective. He said things that made me laugh, and I started to feel him. He kept fighting — and I started to respect him. In the world of comedy, his was a Cinderella story in size-15 shoes." Fuck yeah he is!
5. Neill Blomkamp, director. Ridley Scott's blurb about the director of "District 9" isn't that lengthy or engaging, but the list he gives of Blomkamp's feats stand on their own: "His first feature, the improbable but utterly engaging alien-apartheid allegory District 9, has already brought him more acclaim than most filmmakers will ever achieve: a Golden Globe Award nomination, two BAFTA Award nominations and an Academy Award nod, among others." Hopefully it's the beginning of a long and great film career, because, holy fuck,
"District 9" was awesome.
6. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, executive producers of "Lost." My boyfriend hates me because of how obsessed I am with "Lost," but he'll have nothing to worry about in a few weeks when the show finally, depressingly wraps. But until then, Time's TV critic James Poniewozik puts the appeal of "Lost" pretty well: But Lost is, above all, a soulful and funny saga of flawed people seeking redemption, and these storytellers combined their big ideas with some of the most rollicking popcorn entertainment since Star Wars. With the series' May 23 finale, a.k.a. the TV event of the year, the torture finally ends. And the long debate over the ending begins."
Holy crap, I'm so excited. Even though this promo picture for the sixth and final season is weeks old, it still gives me the creeps.
7. Neil Patrick Harris, actor. Everyone this year has gone apeshit about how much Lady Gaga has done for the LGBT community, but part of me thinks her constant making out with girls and flashing of her ladybits is just fucking exploitative at best. On the complete other side of the spectrum, though, is NPH, and I love what Joss Whedon (a man whom I will forever love for bringing me "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") has to say about him: "He made the issue of his sexuality disappear without desexualizing himself. He can get the girl and sing about the boys, and it all works. The public's perception of gay men is shifting because of this guy, and they'll be too entertained to notice. That's more than a good trick. That's magic." Word.
Years after "Harold and Kumar 2," this is still pretty magical, too, I have to say.
8. Prince. There's nothing else to say but Prince. The artist formerly known as a symbol hasn't really done much this year, but it's interesting that Time still included him on this list - and having Usher write about him is pretty valid: "I was interested in music and trying to find a model. It was Michael, or it was Prince. He had an attitude, a rawness that Michael didn't have. He was not urban, but he was our version of what cool could be. You look at an icon like James Dean or Steve McQueen — they represent a certain energy, a certain poise. That's what Prince has."
Plus, he has that tongue. I'm not approving of it, but I'm just bringing it to your attention.
+ Photos courtesy of Buzzfeed, Flickamag, SciFiScoop, Fanpop, Blogspot, Soulbounce
1. Zahra Rahnavard, Iranian activist. This is my favorite excerpt from Shirin Ebadi's blurb on her, because it says so much in so little: "Mir-Hossein Mousavi may be the face of Iran's Green protest movement, but the government fears his wife just as much."
2. Kathryn Bigelow, director of "The Hurt Locker." Fellow director Oliver Stone hit gold with the last paragraph on her: "Yet despite enormous accolades, her film is considered a financial failure — like all films about the Iraq war. The question lingers: Why, despite our country's love affair with violence, do Americans refuse to see these realistic films? With The Hurt Locker, Bigelow unflinchingly stuck her finger in the tragic heart of a national wound — our inability to face ourselves."
Also, I still can't get over that picture.
3. Banksy, artist. It makes sense that Shepard Fairey, the guy who made that iconic Obama poster, would say this about the mysterious British graffiti master: "He doesn't ignore boundaries; he crosses them to prove their irrelevance." Simple and direct.
My favorite Banksy piece. So fucking good.
4. Conan O'Brien, God among men. It seems fitting that George Lopez would write about Conan, since they're going to be on TBS together, and I really like the honesty Lopez gives in this piece by kind of admitting that he first doubted O'Brien's on-air talent: "He wasn't a performer; he was a writer. But then I watched, and I recognized his unique perspective. He said things that made me laugh, and I started to feel him. He kept fighting — and I started to respect him. In the world of comedy, his was a Cinderella story in size-15 shoes." Fuck yeah he is!
5. Neill Blomkamp, director. Ridley Scott's blurb about the director of "District 9" isn't that lengthy or engaging, but the list he gives of Blomkamp's feats stand on their own: "His first feature, the improbable but utterly engaging alien-apartheid allegory District 9, has already brought him more acclaim than most filmmakers will ever achieve: a Golden Globe Award nomination, two BAFTA Award nominations and an Academy Award nod, among others." Hopefully it's the beginning of a long and great film career, because, holy fuck,
"District 9" was awesome.
6. Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, executive producers of "Lost." My boyfriend hates me because of how obsessed I am with "Lost," but he'll have nothing to worry about in a few weeks when the show finally, depressingly wraps. But until then, Time's TV critic James Poniewozik puts the appeal of "Lost" pretty well: But Lost is, above all, a soulful and funny saga of flawed people seeking redemption, and these storytellers combined their big ideas with some of the most rollicking popcorn entertainment since Star Wars. With the series' May 23 finale, a.k.a. the TV event of the year, the torture finally ends. And the long debate over the ending begins."
Holy crap, I'm so excited. Even though this promo picture for the sixth and final season is weeks old, it still gives me the creeps.
7. Neil Patrick Harris, actor. Everyone this year has gone apeshit about how much Lady Gaga has done for the LGBT community, but part of me thinks her constant making out with girls and flashing of her ladybits is just fucking exploitative at best. On the complete other side of the spectrum, though, is NPH, and I love what Joss Whedon (a man whom I will forever love for bringing me "Buffy the Vampire Slayer") has to say about him: "He made the issue of his sexuality disappear without desexualizing himself. He can get the girl and sing about the boys, and it all works. The public's perception of gay men is shifting because of this guy, and they'll be too entertained to notice. That's more than a good trick. That's magic." Word.
Years after "Harold and Kumar 2," this is still pretty magical, too, I have to say.
8. Prince. There's nothing else to say but Prince. The artist formerly known as a symbol hasn't really done much this year, but it's interesting that Time still included him on this list - and having Usher write about him is pretty valid: "I was interested in music and trying to find a model. It was Michael, or it was Prince. He had an attitude, a rawness that Michael didn't have. He was not urban, but he was our version of what cool could be. You look at an icon like James Dean or Steve McQueen — they represent a certain energy, a certain poise. That's what Prince has."
Plus, he has that tongue. I'm not approving of it, but I'm just bringing it to your attention.
+ Photos courtesy of Buzzfeed, Flickamag, SciFiScoop, Fanpop, Blogspot, Soulbounce
Shave your face, Channing!
The 9th annual Tribeca Film Festival went down on April 29 in New York City, and the Yahoo photo gallery about it raises SO MANY QUESTIONS.
1. Why can Jessica Alba look so good here, with her regular hair,
but then willfully wear this awful fucking wig? I don't get it.
2. Why does Zoe Kravitz keep getting invited to events, when she doesn't really do anything? She doesn't even have a sex tape like Paris, so what's her claim to fame?
And why does her boyfriend, actor Ezra Miller, look like an underage lesbian? The girl used to date actor Ben Foster; he was way hotter.
3. And why is Channing Tatum so desperately trying to grow facial hair?
Mustaches are kind of attractive, but not when they look like pubes. Just sayin'.
+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo Movies
1. Why can Jessica Alba look so good here, with her regular hair,
but then willfully wear this awful fucking wig? I don't get it.
2. Why does Zoe Kravitz keep getting invited to events, when she doesn't really do anything? She doesn't even have a sex tape like Paris, so what's her claim to fame?
And why does her boyfriend, actor Ezra Miller, look like an underage lesbian? The girl used to date actor Ben Foster; he was way hotter.
3. And why is Channing Tatum so desperately trying to grow facial hair?
Mustaches are kind of attractive, but not when they look like pubes. Just sayin'.
+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo Movies
GIMME!
What do Superman and piranhas have in common?
I feel like such an old person. Everything about these things makes me feel ancient:
1. So this old guy in Georgetown who hates the drunk college kids always hanging around his neighborhood starts a blog to call them out on their bullshit. Georgetown kids ARE douchebags, so what's wrong with this? I say nothing. Rich white yuppies think that Washington, D.C., belongs to them so I support crotchety old men trying to take a sSo ttand; I keep imagining Clint Eastwood growling "Get off my lawn!" in "Gran Torino."
Yup, just like that.
2. So the Unification Church, or as I like to affectionately/cruelly call them, the "Moonies," is selling The Washington Times. I've thought of The Washington Times as an embarrassingly right-wing newspaper for years, but their role as a foil to The Washington Post has also been a D.C. tradition. If the paper never gets sold, or just has to close, that would suck - and be yet another example of journalism's rapid money-losing journey. Seeing a paper I've been familiar with for more than two decades now (even if that familiarity is a seething hatred) going down the tubes = bummer.
3. Doctors say roller coasters can now cause ear damage. I've only been on a few roller coasters in my life, including the Superman at Six Flags, which literally scarred me forever.
So do I feel old because yet another part of my childhood is being labeled as dangerous, or because I've been on less than five roller coasters and I'm 23 fucking years old and that statistic is way shameful? Probably both.
4. And lastly, am I just a hater because I think the upcoming movie "Piranha 3D" looks fucking awful? Or am I right?
I'm thinking I'm right. For shame, Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames! You (respectively) were in "Back to the Future" and "Pulp Fiction," for fuck's sake! And Richard Dreyfuss, remember how you were in "Jaws?" You doing this rip-off isn't ironic; it's pathetic. PATHETIC I SAY.
+ Photos courtesy of UltimateRollerCoaster
1. So this old guy in Georgetown who hates the drunk college kids always hanging around his neighborhood starts a blog to call them out on their bullshit. Georgetown kids ARE douchebags, so what's wrong with this? I say nothing. Rich white yuppies think that Washington, D.C., belongs to them so I support crotchety old men trying to take a sSo ttand; I keep imagining Clint Eastwood growling "Get off my lawn!" in "Gran Torino."
Yup, just like that.
2. So the Unification Church, or as I like to affectionately/cruelly call them, the "Moonies," is selling The Washington Times. I've thought of The Washington Times as an embarrassingly right-wing newspaper for years, but their role as a foil to The Washington Post has also been a D.C. tradition. If the paper never gets sold, or just has to close, that would suck - and be yet another example of journalism's rapid money-losing journey. Seeing a paper I've been familiar with for more than two decades now (even if that familiarity is a seething hatred) going down the tubes = bummer.
3. Doctors say roller coasters can now cause ear damage. I've only been on a few roller coasters in my life, including the Superman at Six Flags, which literally scarred me forever.
So do I feel old because yet another part of my childhood is being labeled as dangerous, or because I've been on less than five roller coasters and I'm 23 fucking years old and that statistic is way shameful? Probably both.
4. And lastly, am I just a hater because I think the upcoming movie "Piranha 3D" looks fucking awful? Or am I right?
I'm thinking I'm right. For shame, Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames! You (respectively) were in "Back to the Future" and "Pulp Fiction," for fuck's sake! And Richard Dreyfuss, remember how you were in "Jaws?" You doing this rip-off isn't ironic; it's pathetic. PATHETIC I SAY.
+ Photos courtesy of UltimateRollerCoaster
I'm not clear what this video says about "the war on terror."
OK, so everyone is going apeshit over the remake of Lady Gaga's "Telephone" done by U.S. soldiers stationed in Afghanistan. The Washington Post wrote an essay about it; the clip has more than 1 million hits on YouTube. It's funny and everything, and I guess it kind of humanizes all the soldiers I imagine are over there hating their lives and killing my people, but ...
... does anyone else think the guy that impersonates Beyonce is totally the best? Because I do. I thoroughly enjoy really hood guys pretending to be women. Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with "RuPaul's Drag Race," especially contestant Raven from season two:
It's just SO BAD that it's great. And I'm really amazed by their tuckgame. How do you make a penis BASICALLY DISAPPEAR? My mind is boggled.
+ Photos courtesy of LogoTV, Sick Biscuit
... does anyone else think the guy that impersonates Beyonce is totally the best? Because I do. I thoroughly enjoy really hood guys pretending to be women. Maybe that's why I'm obsessed with "RuPaul's Drag Race," especially contestant Raven from season two:
It's just SO BAD that it's great. And I'm really amazed by their tuckgame. How do you make a penis BASICALLY DISAPPEAR? My mind is boggled.
+ Photos courtesy of LogoTV, Sick Biscuit
I guess advertising myself in crass ways is the best way to do it.
I'm vaguely interested in this necklace by the NYC jewelry line In God We Trust; each $40 piece has a pendant with a specific phrase carved into it. Now, I'm just not sure which ones I find most fitting:
Eat a Dick?
Hot Mess?
Kiss Me Where I Pee?
One Sick Bitch?
Sweet Tits?
So many options! I'm sure I'll pass on the "Stuff My Muff," "Fuck My Face" and "Fingerbang" charms, though. I'm not THAT slutty. At least not outwardly.
+ Photos courtesy of Refinery29
Eat a Dick?
Hot Mess?
Kiss Me Where I Pee?
One Sick Bitch?
Sweet Tits?
So many options! I'm sure I'll pass on the "Stuff My Muff," "Fuck My Face" and "Fingerbang" charms, though. I'm not THAT slutty. At least not outwardly.
+ Photos courtesy of Refinery29
Friday, April 30, 2010
Good music? No? OK ...
Why is it that all the new songs released today suck? You can listen and judge for yourself, but ...
Miley Cyrus is getting nastier and skankier by the day, which isn't surprising but is still gross,
Christina Aguilera now has a child, so I'm pretty sure she shouldn't be making videos like this anymore (seriously? is that a gag-ball?),
and I miss the days Eminem was a good rapper - like, when he made fun of the aforementioned Aguilera - and didn't rap in that horrible sing-song rhythm that just makes him sound like a fucking goofball. I feel like this is supposed to be an older, more aged sequel to "Lose Yourself," but it's just not charismatic or catchy.
Is Eminem now destined to only rap well on other people's songs, like on Drake's "Forever" and Lil Wayne's "Drop the World?" So upsetting.
Miley Cyrus is getting nastier and skankier by the day, which isn't surprising but is still gross,
Christina Aguilera now has a child, so I'm pretty sure she shouldn't be making videos like this anymore (seriously? is that a gag-ball?),
and I miss the days Eminem was a good rapper - like, when he made fun of the aforementioned Aguilera - and didn't rap in that horrible sing-song rhythm that just makes him sound like a fucking goofball. I feel like this is supposed to be an older, more aged sequel to "Lose Yourself," but it's just not charismatic or catchy.
Is Eminem now destined to only rap well on other people's songs, like on Drake's "Forever" and Lil Wayne's "Drop the World?" So upsetting.
Cake + Batman = Good.
Today: Slightly better because I consumed thousands of calories (presumably) while eating a slice of honeybee cake from the Amish market. Thx for the good eats, fundamentalists.
So I was, of course, in a better mood to be able to delight in such joyous news:
1. The sequel to "The Dark Knight" finally has a release date, summer 2012. That's actually not so far away, and by that I mean, "Thank fucking God it's happening, I thought it never would, OMG block out my entire schedule in mid-July so I can see this movie over and over and over again." I'll probably cry because Heath Ledger is dead, but there's still something about how amazing the end of the movie is - when Commissioner Gordon is talking about how Batman isn't our hero - that gets me every time. Oh, how emotional I make trite entertainment-related things ...
2. Conan O'Brien is going to talk about everything that went down with Leno on "60 Minutes" this Sunday. Fuck yes! I've been waiting months for a whole story, and now I get it in news documentary format. Loving this combo of journalism and TV drama. If only Ed Bradley were still alive ...
Rest in peace, dude.
3. Speaking of Leno, though, how did I miss that he was hosting this year's White House Correspondents Dinner, which goes down this weekend? I had no fucking idea. Fuck that guy, though. Part of me really hopes he gets heckled by celebrities who finally realize he's just an asshole, but I think everyone is too politically correct to actually do so.
What a back-stabbing douche.
4. So apparently the Boy Scouts have now added a badge for video games. This is fucking awesome, and part of the reason we're all such fatasses. Here, be commended for learning about the video game ratings system, playing a parent- or teacher-approved game and creating a schedule that includes chores, homework and game playing! That just sounds like being a regular fucking kid who has parents, and I'm anti kids getting recognized for doing things that just make sense. We're not all special, OK? Tyler was right, and it's about time us obese motherfuckers realized it. I say this while typing on a laptop and drinking Diet Coke. After that huge piece of cake earlier. ... Yeah.
5. However, it's almost time for summer, which means time for mint juleps. I've never had one but I'm really interested in adding them to my busy summer regimen of watching TV shows on rerun, finally figuring out "Lost" and eating pints of sorbet, so thanks for the recipe, Derek M. Brown! Mm, alcohol. Making my life better since 2009.
+ Photos courtesy of Media Bistro, SF Gate
So I was, of course, in a better mood to be able to delight in such joyous news:
1. The sequel to "The Dark Knight" finally has a release date, summer 2012. That's actually not so far away, and by that I mean, "Thank fucking God it's happening, I thought it never would, OMG block out my entire schedule in mid-July so I can see this movie over and over and over again." I'll probably cry because Heath Ledger is dead, but there's still something about how amazing the end of the movie is - when Commissioner Gordon is talking about how Batman isn't our hero - that gets me every time. Oh, how emotional I make trite entertainment-related things ...
2. Conan O'Brien is going to talk about everything that went down with Leno on "60 Minutes" this Sunday. Fuck yes! I've been waiting months for a whole story, and now I get it in news documentary format. Loving this combo of journalism and TV drama. If only Ed Bradley were still alive ...
Rest in peace, dude.
3. Speaking of Leno, though, how did I miss that he was hosting this year's White House Correspondents Dinner, which goes down this weekend? I had no fucking idea. Fuck that guy, though. Part of me really hopes he gets heckled by celebrities who finally realize he's just an asshole, but I think everyone is too politically correct to actually do so.
What a back-stabbing douche.
4. So apparently the Boy Scouts have now added a badge for video games. This is fucking awesome, and part of the reason we're all such fatasses. Here, be commended for learning about the video game ratings system, playing a parent- or teacher-approved game and creating a schedule that includes chores, homework and game playing! That just sounds like being a regular fucking kid who has parents, and I'm anti kids getting recognized for doing things that just make sense. We're not all special, OK? Tyler was right, and it's about time us obese motherfuckers realized it. I say this while typing on a laptop and drinking Diet Coke. After that huge piece of cake earlier. ... Yeah.
5. However, it's almost time for summer, which means time for mint juleps. I've never had one but I'm really interested in adding them to my busy summer regimen of watching TV shows on rerun, finally figuring out "Lost" and eating pints of sorbet, so thanks for the recipe, Derek M. Brown! Mm, alcohol. Making my life better since 2009.
+ Photos courtesy of Media Bistro, SF Gate
Thursday, April 29, 2010
I had to explain what a zombie was to my mom the other day.
OK, I just have one question: The whole point of going to the beach is getting noticed, right? But do you really want to be noticed for wearing a bathing suit that is SO FUCKING WEIRD?
+ Photos courtesy of Karmaloop
Zombie Chomper Bikini Top by Iron Fist, $22
Second Base Bikini Top by Iron Fist, $22
Eyeballs and Tentacles Bikini Top by Iron Fist, $22
That's all I fucking have to say about that.
Second Base Bikini Top by Iron Fist, $22
Eyeballs and Tentacles Bikini Top by Iron Fist, $22
+ Photos courtesy of Karmaloop
I wish M.I.A. didn't break up with Diplo/didn't have a baby/was me/etc.
I really can't decide if I love M.I.A.'s new video for "Born Free" or not.
I'm really shallow sometimes. I just want to see that hot piece's face. White trash, you are my destiny.
EDIT: The full song is really, really good. And Diplo produced it. I am happy again.
+ Photo courtesy of Rollo & Grady
M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.
It's already gotten lots of hype because it's so violent (if you don't want to watch it, Rolling Stone breaks it down), and Entertainment Weekly reports that M.I.A.'s rep says she doesn't want to comment on it. And I kind of get it. In fact, I actually really like the idea of using gingers, so arbitrarily hated by society, as a substitute for other stupid decisions on behalf of the bloodthirsty American people. Blah blah blah, analysis criticism analysis. But at the end of the day, can't I just hear M.I.A. singing the damn song? Or get a cameo from Diplo?
I'm really shallow sometimes. I just want to see that hot piece's face. White trash, you are my destiny.
EDIT: The full song is really, really good. And Diplo produced it. I am happy again.
+ Photo courtesy of Rollo & Grady
Window shopping on the Web.
If you've even read like, 20 words on this blog, you'll know that I adore shoes. I do. Really and truly. I could go for any of these:
Lace Up Wedge with Fringe by Tsumori Chisato in cream or black, $540
... Yup, that's the kind of thing that bothers me. Fringe. I'm so awful.
+ Photos courtesy of Opening Ceremony, Aldo, OakNYC
Rachel Comey Badger Ankle Wrap Clog, $445
Aldo Rosenlof, $90
Finsk Black/Pink Wedge Boot, $598 (ESPECIALLY these)
United Nude Black Frame Triangle Heel, $498 (OMG these too)
Aldo Rosenlof, $90
Finsk Black/Pink Wedge Boot, $598 (ESPECIALLY these)
United Nude Black Frame Triangle Heel, $498 (OMG these too)
However, I don't think you could do anything to get me to wear these. Srsly. I promise. They're just ... so much fringe, right? Like, the kind that would uncomfortably tickle your foot.
Lace Up Wedge with Fringe by Tsumori Chisato in cream or black, $540
... Yup, that's the kind of thing that bothers me. Fringe. I'm so awful.
+ Photos courtesy of Opening Ceremony, Aldo, OakNYC
Cake has let me down. First time ever.
Today was the lamest day ever. Why? Because I bought a piece of German Chocolate Cake from the Amish market and it SUCKED. Not enough coconut. Not enough pecans. Lame. Fucking LAME! I want my $2 back. Stupid fundamentalists, fucking up my fattery.
So whatever, here are things that I tried to use to occupy my time while stewing over the cake fiasco. Seriously. Tragic.
1. Bahman Ghobadi, famous Iranian director and dude behind the upcoming film "No One Knows About Persian Cats," chats up The Washington Post about how tough his life is. That's not me being a sarcastic bitch; I promise it's a riveting interview. Here's a trailer for the movie, I've already teared up watching it. I'm such a girl.
2. Everyone has already talked about how stupid Rolling Stone is for listing the Black Eyed Peas as the No. 1 reason to be excited about music, but the more I think about what my boyfriend said about the situation, the more I agree: If you're bitching because you now think that the magazine is out of touch, then you're an idiot. Because the magazine has been sinking lower and lower into uselessness for years, so ... them listing an annoyingly money-grubbing group as the top reason to adore the music industry shouldn't be that surprising, after all. Depressing, but unsurprising.
3. Taylor Momsen says some more stupid shit, this time discussing how she wants to "be Kurt Cobain." So you want to kill yourself. Awesome.
Also, Kurt Cobain FUCKING WORE PANTS. Just SAYING.
4. I saw "The Losers" last week, and I really liked it, basically because I'm a sucker for stupid action movies based on comic books. Duh. But I didn't know that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was dating Hilarie Burton, from "One Tree Hill"?
You know, the primetime soap I'm obsessed with. It's cool, they just have a 17-year age difference or something. No big! And by that I mean, fuck that bitch I love you JDM get at me.
5. In other "One Tree Hill" news, Chad Michael Murray is apparently writing a book, much like his character Lucas did on the show. Umm ... I'll read it, obviously, but will I enjoy it? Probably not. Unless it gives an inside expose on why he married Sophia Bush for a few weeks and then mysteriously the union fell apart and then he started dating an extra on the show and now they're getting married. Poor Sophia Bush. At least she's now dating James Lafferty, also from "One Tree Hill"; he plays Nathan, who was Lucas's half-brother. Yes, I watch too much television.
Not a bad rebound, really.
6. Steve Carell could leave "The Office" after next year. This is probably a good idea, considering the show should have ended when Jim and Pam got married. Like, tonight's episode is going to deal with how Michael struggles with learning Spanish. Sounds ... not funny at all.
7. And lastly, I can't get over the fact that President Obama loves pie. I feel so close to him right now! In that we're both fat people on the inside. OK, maybe me on the outside, too? ... Fuck you guys.
+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Just Jared, GossipRocks
So whatever, here are things that I tried to use to occupy my time while stewing over the cake fiasco. Seriously. Tragic.
1. Bahman Ghobadi, famous Iranian director and dude behind the upcoming film "No One Knows About Persian Cats," chats up The Washington Post about how tough his life is. That's not me being a sarcastic bitch; I promise it's a riveting interview. Here's a trailer for the movie, I've already teared up watching it. I'm such a girl.
2. Everyone has already talked about how stupid Rolling Stone is for listing the Black Eyed Peas as the No. 1 reason to be excited about music, but the more I think about what my boyfriend said about the situation, the more I agree: If you're bitching because you now think that the magazine is out of touch, then you're an idiot. Because the magazine has been sinking lower and lower into uselessness for years, so ... them listing an annoyingly money-grubbing group as the top reason to adore the music industry shouldn't be that surprising, after all. Depressing, but unsurprising.
3. Taylor Momsen says some more stupid shit, this time discussing how she wants to "be Kurt Cobain." So you want to kill yourself. Awesome.
Also, Kurt Cobain FUCKING WORE PANTS. Just SAYING.
4. I saw "The Losers" last week, and I really liked it, basically because I'm a sucker for stupid action movies based on comic books. Duh. But I didn't know that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was dating Hilarie Burton, from "One Tree Hill"?
You know, the primetime soap I'm obsessed with. It's cool, they just have a 17-year age difference or something. No big! And by that I mean, fuck that bitch I love you JDM get at me.
5. In other "One Tree Hill" news, Chad Michael Murray is apparently writing a book, much like his character Lucas did on the show. Umm ... I'll read it, obviously, but will I enjoy it? Probably not. Unless it gives an inside expose on why he married Sophia Bush for a few weeks and then mysteriously the union fell apart and then he started dating an extra on the show and now they're getting married. Poor Sophia Bush. At least she's now dating James Lafferty, also from "One Tree Hill"; he plays Nathan, who was Lucas's half-brother. Yes, I watch too much television.
Not a bad rebound, really.
6. Steve Carell could leave "The Office" after next year. This is probably a good idea, considering the show should have ended when Jim and Pam got married. Like, tonight's episode is going to deal with how Michael struggles with learning Spanish. Sounds ... not funny at all.
7. And lastly, I can't get over the fact that President Obama loves pie. I feel so close to him right now! In that we're both fat people on the inside. OK, maybe me on the outside, too? ... Fuck you guys.
+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Just Jared, GossipRocks
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Don't fuck with me! I have accessories!
After fashion designer Alexander McQueen killed himself in February, there was a rash of celebrities wearing his designs everywhere to honor his memory (GoFugYourself commented on how Salma Hayek, Lily Cole and Anna Paquin have recently worn his dresses), and sales of his clothes exploded. Now, while I spend a lot of money on dumb shit, I don't really have the dough to afford his clothes or accessories. But if I did, I would probably buy this.
Yup, they're all attached.
Would I ever punch someone in the face with it? Probably not. But if I did, it would FUCK YOU UP. Fear me! I crave street cred SO BADLY!
+ Photos courtesy of FarFetch
Four-ring Knuckleduster by Alexander McQueen, $429
(also available at Saks Fifth Avenue in both gold and the below silver, but for $550)
(also available at Saks Fifth Avenue in both gold and the below silver, but for $550)
Yup, they're all attached.
Would I ever punch someone in the face with it? Probably not. But if I did, it would FUCK YOU UP. Fear me! I crave street cred SO BADLY!
+ Photos courtesy of FarFetch
Horribly sung crimes against humanity.
Dear Ke$ha,
Please die.
Numerous, numerous times.
A lot.
Furiously,
-Me.
Please die.
Numerous, numerous times.
A lot.
Furiously,
-Me.
One day, weight loss drugs will be my soma.
I think I've found the answer to all of my life's problems: A new study suggests that in the future, a drug may be created to speed up your metabolism and prevent obesity.
Now, does this sound like some janky shit I could just buy at GNC or something? Probably. But I also am too lazy to look like this:
While simultaneously horrified of looking like this:
SO ... get at me, drugs! You don't even have to be approved by the FDA. I'm cool without that kind of legal validation, as long as I don't look like fucking Khloe.
+ Photos courtesy of ParentheticalThoughts, PoponthePop
Now, does this sound like some janky shit I could just buy at GNC or something? Probably. But I also am too lazy to look like this:
While simultaneously horrified of looking like this:
SO ... get at me, drugs! You don't even have to be approved by the FDA. I'm cool without that kind of legal validation, as long as I don't look like fucking Khloe.
+ Photos courtesy of ParentheticalThoughts, PoponthePop
Inappropriate humor, death, the usual.
You know, every now and then I'm kind of amazed by how long it takes mainstream media outlets to pick up on obvious trends. Like, this story The Washington Post did on web-only television shows, including "Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis." Granted, I would only know about this show because of my boyfriend. But still! He told me about this like, months ago! So why is the Post just writing about this show, and the entire trend, now? I don't know, it just seems desperately dated.
This, however, will always be funny.
Things that aren't so funny, though?
1. That drinking by teenage girls can lead to a higher risk of breast cancer later. I didn't drink until 21 because I'm fucking lame, but like, practically everyone else I know in the world has been sipping on sizzurp for years. So ... good to know some of those people will be dead. Thanks, science!
2. Rolling Stone is going to start charging for their archives online, with like, a $30 annual fee. (Fun fact: one of the kids I worked with at my college paper wrote this story for the AP. I guess I'm jealous.) The New York Times had talked about beginning to charge for their online access, and I understand that journalism needs money to survive, but I'm not sure exactly how many millions of people will pay for this in order to make it a profit. Plus, you could argue Rolling Stone is kind of irrelevant now anyway, right? Didn't it take a year for them to put someone as obnoxious as Lady Gaga on the cover? ... Yeah.
3. South Korea has the highest suicide rate now in the industrialized world, which has been mainly fueled by celebrities taking their own lives and spawning thousands of copy-cat deaths. Fucking insanity. The numbers in that story are just ... well, depressing.
This, however, will always be funny.
Things that aren't so funny, though?
1. That drinking by teenage girls can lead to a higher risk of breast cancer later. I didn't drink until 21 because I'm fucking lame, but like, practically everyone else I know in the world has been sipping on sizzurp for years. So ... good to know some of those people will be dead. Thanks, science!
2. Rolling Stone is going to start charging for their archives online, with like, a $30 annual fee. (Fun fact: one of the kids I worked with at my college paper wrote this story for the AP. I guess I'm jealous.) The New York Times had talked about beginning to charge for their online access, and I understand that journalism needs money to survive, but I'm not sure exactly how many millions of people will pay for this in order to make it a profit. Plus, you could argue Rolling Stone is kind of irrelevant now anyway, right? Didn't it take a year for them to put someone as obnoxious as Lady Gaga on the cover? ... Yeah.
3. South Korea has the highest suicide rate now in the industrialized world, which has been mainly fueled by celebrities taking their own lives and spawning thousands of copy-cat deaths. Fucking insanity. The numbers in that story are just ... well, depressing.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Um, isn't ...
... Gwen Stefani supposed to be fashionable?
If so, then what the fuck is this outfit? A wrinkly, almost ill-fitting satin dress? Footless opaque tights with open-toed shoes? WHITE TIGHTS, no less?
I don't understand; perhaps she is slipping. After all, Harajuku Lovers, her fashion line, did just release these. And holy fuck, they are ugly.
I'm thinking a descent into badness has begun for Stefani. Do people remember this?
I fear a return. A HORRIBLE RETURN.
+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Karmaloop, GetFrank
If so, then what the fuck is this outfit? A wrinkly, almost ill-fitting satin dress? Footless opaque tights with open-toed shoes? WHITE TIGHTS, no less?
I don't understand; perhaps she is slipping. After all, Harajuku Lovers, her fashion line, did just release these. And holy fuck, they are ugly.
I'm thinking a descent into badness has begun for Stefani. Do people remember this?
I fear a return. A HORRIBLE RETURN.
+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Karmaloop, GetFrank
God, James Cameron is SUCH a douche.
So the other day I was actually really pissed off at Sigourney Weaver for saying that the only reason Kathryn Bigelow and "The Hurt Locker" won at this year's Oscars were because she was a woman, which is such a fucking bizarre thing for Weaver to say. Sure, Weaver kind of owes her film career to James Cameron and the "Alien" franchise (them then) ...
and she was in "Avatar" (them now).
But ... she's ALSO A WOMAN. So I don't get the seemingly hypocritical haterade. However, I similarly don't get why Cameron thinks it's OK to help out an Amazon tribe's fight against some huge dam, when his only experience with environmentalism is copying "Fern Gully." So now he's a huge environmentalist or whatever, but you know what also comes out right about now?
Yup, "Avatar" on DVD - on fucking Earth Day, no less. I'm not saying he's an entirely heartless, press-loving opportunist. But I am saying he has impeccable timing, no? (Sarcasm. Sense the sarcasm.)
+ Photo courtesy of Shopping Blog, NewsOK, Starpulse
and she was in "Avatar" (them now).
But ... she's ALSO A WOMAN. So I don't get the seemingly hypocritical haterade. However, I similarly don't get why Cameron thinks it's OK to help out an Amazon tribe's fight against some huge dam, when his only experience with environmentalism is copying "Fern Gully." So now he's a huge environmentalist or whatever, but you know what also comes out right about now?
Yup, "Avatar" on DVD - on fucking Earth Day, no less. I'm not saying he's an entirely heartless, press-loving opportunist. But I am saying he has impeccable timing, no? (Sarcasm. Sense the sarcasm.)
+ Photo courtesy of Shopping Blog, NewsOK, Starpulse
Back, judgmental, etc.
Breaking my two-week hiatus. You wept while I was away, I know. Don't fret! I'm back! (I'm not wearing black. That would have been too easy.)
Anyway, personally for me, little has changed in these past two weeks; plus, you don't read this blog for my real life, anyway. You just want the snark, and I - being a woman of the people - am about to hit you up. Here, get at it:
1. So Rihanna is going on tour this summer with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj as her openers. I don't know, I would probably want to see Rihanna live. She has been known to cover M.I.A. - wicked off-key, but still - and I could be down for seeing that:
But like, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj are just such hot messes. One of my friends noted today that Minaj isn't really curvy, she's just kind of fat ... and, yeah. Her bottom-heavyness is impressive.
And Ke$ha is shockingly gross, soo ...
I might pass on all that. Also, I would put money on the fact that Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj have some nasty communicable diseases that could somehow travel through rows of seats and reach me wherever I am, and I'm cool with being healthy. Really, I'm
2. Plus, I have this feeling that one of them, either Rihanna or Ke$ha or Nicki, would wear this. Or one of them would wear it and then they would swap the leggings during the course of the tour.
SO TRASHY. I'm beginning to gross myself out. I'll stop.
3. See, the only trashiness I can truly enjoy is the kind offered up by Bravo - and the fact that "Real Housewives of New Jersey" starts its second season in a few weeks on May 3. So. Fucking. Excited.
If another table is flipped in public, my life will be fucking complete.
4. And finally, I was pretty bummed that yet again, for another year, Coachella happened and I was not there. I kind of hate festivals - they always seem smelly and icky and like you never have a real relationship or connection with the artist, just with the douche next to you - but I don't know, this year's lineup looked kind of good. Nevertheless, I'm TOTALLY OK with the fact that I therefore missed Jay-Z performing "Young Forever" with Beyonce instead of Mr. Hudson.
Downgrade from this, definitely. Also, did Beyonce borrow those coochie-cutters from Miley Cyrus? My god, woman, you have enough money to invest in some fucking pants.
+ Photos courtesy of The Guardian, Idolator, Karmaloop
Anyway, personally for me, little has changed in these past two weeks; plus, you don't read this blog for my real life, anyway. You just want the snark, and I - being a woman of the people - am about to hit you up. Here, get at it:
1. So Rihanna is going on tour this summer with Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj as her openers. I don't know, I would probably want to see Rihanna live. She has been known to cover M.I.A. - wicked off-key, but still - and I could be down for seeing that:
But like, Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj are just such hot messes. One of my friends noted today that Minaj isn't really curvy, she's just kind of fat ... and, yeah. Her bottom-heavyness is impressive.
And Ke$ha is shockingly gross, soo ...
I might pass on all that. Also, I would put money on the fact that Ke$ha and Nicki Minaj have some nasty communicable diseases that could somehow travel through rows of seats and reach me wherever I am, and I'm cool with being healthy. Really, I'm
2. Plus, I have this feeling that one of them, either Rihanna or Ke$ha or Nicki, would wear this. Or one of them would wear it and then they would swap the leggings during the course of the tour.
SO TRASHY. I'm beginning to gross myself out. I'll stop.
3. See, the only trashiness I can truly enjoy is the kind offered up by Bravo - and the fact that "Real Housewives of New Jersey" starts its second season in a few weeks on May 3. So. Fucking. Excited.
If another table is flipped in public, my life will be fucking complete.
4. And finally, I was pretty bummed that yet again, for another year, Coachella happened and I was not there. I kind of hate festivals - they always seem smelly and icky and like you never have a real relationship or connection with the artist, just with the douche next to you - but I don't know, this year's lineup looked kind of good. Nevertheless, I'm TOTALLY OK with the fact that I therefore missed Jay-Z performing "Young Forever" with Beyonce instead of Mr. Hudson.
Downgrade from this, definitely. Also, did Beyonce borrow those coochie-cutters from Miley Cyrus? My god, woman, you have enough money to invest in some fucking pants.
+ Photos courtesy of The Guardian, Idolator, Karmaloop
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