I command music videos to amuse me.

How the fuck is this day dragging on so long? Utter pain. I've translated this boredom into watching music videos at work. Duh.

Here are some thoughts:

GREAT: Good Charlotte, "Last Night"



Good Charlotte teams up with the "Funny or Die" crew and MARC SUMMERS, who used to host "Double Dare" back in the day and now hosts "Unwrapped" on the Food Network, to give me a flashback to how great that show was. I'm also digging the weird "Super Mario Bros." vibe with all the matching outfits. I could have rocked that show. Entertainment Weekly's Ken Tucker knows what I'm talking about.

Also, I TOTALLY MISS "Secrets of the Cryptkeeper’s Haunted House," which used to be on Saturday mornings and which I KNEW I COULD WIN as a child. Remember the logo?


And the Cryptkeeper?


All you had to do in the final round was find those skulls in the haunted house and stack them up! The kids who lost were useless bitches.

HMM: Jessie J, "Mama Knows Best," on "Saturday Night Live" March 12



This is so enthralling that I can't stop watching. I want Jessie J to choreograph everyone's dance moves. Do you think she rehearsed all this? I can only imagine what the fuck the "SNL" crew thought during those moments - especially during her possessed faces during the end. Call an exorcist! I'm not saying she's bad, it's just so energetic and obviously off-the-cuff (I hope). I will keep watching this on mute for maximum enjoyment.

BLERGH: Chris Brown feat. Busta Rhymes and Lil Wayne, "Look at Me Now"



So it makes me really upset that Diplo made this beat (you can see him for a few seconds mugging in the beginning of the video, and here he is posing with the Delorean featured in the vid) ...


... because it's so good and because I hate Chris Brown so much, and therefore have to disrespect Diplo for working with him. Diplo is yet another one of my white-trash love affairs from afar, even though the one time I interviewed him a few years ago he wasn't the nicest/most talkative guy (I can't find the story online, boo). I do remember that I asked him why he was in jail the night before and he refused to talk about it and then was snippy the entire rest of the interview. Awesome.

REGARDLESS, I still can't stand Chris Brown, years removed from the Rihanna "mishap," as he calls it (yes, I know he later tried to clear up what he said, but the guy is still an idiot). And, this video is just stupid. Why are the slutty girls dancing on Nintendo controllers? Why does Chris Brown have the need to constantly talk about his dick? And the line "ladies love me" DOES NOT APPLY TO THIS ONE BLOGGER, LET ME TELL YOU.

So have I lost a little respect for Diplo? Of course. His hotness, however, has never been in question. And my moral ambiguity just made me feel totally shitty.

+ Photos courtesy of tvrage.com, bothersbar.co.uk, cdn.rap-up.com

Your craziness at a Spinal Tap 11. I need it at like, a two.

Dear M.I.A.,

I'm really going to need you to stop being such an uppity bitch. Like, seriously. Stop being so obnoxious about the article Lynn Hirschberg wrote about you in the New York Times. Here's my reasoning, OK:

First of all, at least the article about you wasn't as bad as the one Hirschberg wrote about Courtney Love, in which she basically insinuated that Love took heroin when she was pregnant with her daughter.

Secondly, how can you get pissed off for someone writing their opinion of you, when your entire image is based on your opinion of others? Like the time you told Nylon you think the CIA developed Google and Facebook. Bitch you are SO CRAZY.

And lastly, your dis track against Hirschberg, "I'm a Singer," sucks.



And this is coming from someone who loves your other new songs, "Born Free" and "XXXO," so get off your fucking high horse.

Love,

- Me, a fan who once paid for a T-shirt from your line. The one you're wearing in this picture, in fact:


Thankfully, I got it on sale, even though it didn't come with a complimentary Diplo. But if that's not devotion, nothing is.

+ Photos courtesy of Picaso

I wish M.I.A. didn't break up with Diplo/didn't have a baby/was me/etc.

I really can't decide if I love M.I.A.'s new video for "Born Free" or not.

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on Vimeo.

It's already gotten lots of hype because it's so violent (if you don't want to watch it, Rolling Stone breaks it down), and Entertainment Weekly reports that M.I.A.'s rep says she doesn't want to comment on it. And I kind of get it. In fact, I actually really like the idea of using gingers, so arbitrarily hated by society, as a substitute for other stupid decisions on behalf of the bloodthirsty American people. Blah blah blah, analysis criticism analysis. But at the end of the day, can't I just hear M.I.A. singing the damn song? Or get a cameo from Diplo?


I'm really shallow sometimes. I just want to see that hot piece's face. White trash, you are my destiny.

EDIT: The full song is really, really good. And Diplo produced it. I am happy again.

+ Photo courtesy of Rollo & Grady