Cake has let me down. First time ever.

Today was the lamest day ever. Why? Because I bought a piece of German Chocolate Cake from the Amish market and it SUCKED. Not enough coconut. Not enough pecans. Lame. Fucking LAME! I want my $2 back. Stupid fundamentalists, fucking up my fattery.

So whatever, here are things that I tried to use to occupy my time while stewing over the cake fiasco. Seriously. Tragic.

1. Bahman Ghobadi, famous Iranian director and dude behind the upcoming film "No One Knows About Persian Cats," chats up The Washington Post about how tough his life is. That's not me being a sarcastic bitch; I promise it's a riveting interview. Here's a trailer for the movie, I've already teared up watching it. I'm such a girl.

2. Everyone has already talked about how stupid Rolling Stone is for listing the Black Eyed Peas as the No. 1 reason to be excited about music, but the more I think about what my boyfriend said about the situation, the more I agree: If you're bitching because you now think that the magazine is out of touch, then you're an idiot. Because the magazine has been sinking lower and lower into uselessness for years, so ... them listing an annoyingly money-grubbing group as the top reason to adore the music industry shouldn't be that surprising, after all. Depressing, but unsurprising.

3. Taylor Momsen says some more stupid shit, this time discussing how she wants to "be Kurt Cobain." So you want to kill yourself. Awesome.


Also, Kurt Cobain FUCKING WORE PANTS. Just SAYING.

4. I saw "The Losers" last week, and I really liked it, basically because I'm a sucker for stupid action movies based on comic books. Duh. But I didn't know that Jeffrey Dean Morgan was dating Hilarie Burton, from "One Tree Hill"?


You know, the primetime soap I'm obsessed with. It's cool, they just have a 17-year age difference or something. No big! And by that I mean, fuck that bitch I love you JDM get at me.

5. In other "One Tree Hill" news, Chad Michael Murray is apparently writing a book, much like his character Lucas did on the show. Umm ... I'll read it, obviously, but will I enjoy it? Probably not. Unless it gives an inside expose on why he married Sophia Bush for a few weeks and then mysteriously the union fell apart and then he started dating an extra on the show and now they're getting married. Poor Sophia Bush. At least she's now dating James Lafferty, also from "One Tree Hill"; he plays Nathan, who was Lucas's half-brother. Yes, I watch too much television.


Not a bad rebound, really.

6. Steve Carell could leave "The Office" after next year. This is probably a good idea, considering the show should have ended when Jim and Pam got married. Like, tonight's episode is going to deal with how Michael struggles with learning Spanish. Sounds ... not funny at all.

7. And lastly, I can't get over the fact that President Obama loves pie. I feel so close to him right now! In that we're both fat people on the inside. OK, maybe me on the outside, too? ... Fuck you guys.

+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, Just Jared, GossipRocks