So I haven't had Internet installed in my new apartment yet, which means my updates have been few and far between, as I'm sure you guys may have noticed. I'll try to make up for that today, firstly with this assortment of hot bitches I love/love to hate/want to hate but can't. You know the drill.
1. Halle Berry's family flew somewhere and landed somewhere. I don't really care about that. Instead, I honestly can't even comprehend this family's attractiveness (well, not the baby; that'd be creepy). But you get the idea.
2. Oh Shakira. Only your crazy, FOB-y self would rock dreads, knee-high patent boots and a spangly mini-skirt while performing at the MTV Europe VMAs. So absurd.
3. Why does Natalie Portman vex me so? I generally can't stand her, but in this rockabilly-themed photo shoot in V Magazine, I'm kind of into it. Maybe just because I like stupid hair and make-up. That's probably it.
4. How come Jared Leto looks younger now than he ever did as Jordan Catalano in "My So-Called Life?" I mean, I don't really give a fuck. Bitch is SO FINE. Plus, flannel and denim vests are my vices ...
5. Katy Perry just does such skanky things that I don't even have comments anymore. Really, woman? Light-up nipples?
And putting your boyfriend's name on your ass?
Sigh. My brain hurts.
6. Lastly, Taylor Swift is a crazy ex-girlfriend after my own heart by calling out Joe Jonas for being a cheating douchebag on "SNL" this weekend. Good form.
+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial, Dlisted, Popaholic, OMG! Yahoo, MTV
OH, dear Jesus, so many hilarious pictures lately. Here's quick thoughts on the three that made me giggle most today:
1. Kim Kardashian, again, wearing clothes I want.
However, the juxtaposition of her heavily made-up face with the SO FUCKING PREGNANT Kourtney just makes me laugh. Also, are they going to a club for Kim's 29th birthday or something? BITCH YOUR SISTER IS PREGNANT. Can't you send her home while you go get crunk (more pictures of the night here) and stop rubbing your body/fame/life in her face?
2. How come everyone always yells at me for wearing sweatpants, but it's OK for Gwen Stefani to wear BOTH sweatpants AND tie-dye?
I call unfair. Also, if you're going to take the time to put on such flashy red lipstick and more make-up than you need, why not just put on NOT CRUMMY CLOTHES? Just a thought.
3. Russell Brand in his American Apparel undies is just funny to me, I don't know why.
Maybe because how he started dating Katy Perry is also amusing (he hit on her all night at the VMAs, she texted him a pic of her boobs), even though their constant PDAs are kind of gross.
+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, OMG! Yahoo, PopSugar
OH GOD Russell Brand just called Jimmy Fallon "our generation's David Letterman." I literally want to kill myself. Pretty sure David Letterman has had a show for years and doesn't SUCK. Sure, I'd sleep with Fallon and not Letterman. But like, that's not saying much.
Also, they just presented Video of the Year to Beyonce for "Single Ladies." Wholly unsurprising, and given the other contestants, vaguely deserved. AND she just invited Taylor Swift onstage to "have her moment." Classier than I expected, actually.
Against my better judgment, I am watching the VMAs. Russell Brand just said he doesn't care if Lady Gaga turns out to be a hermaphrodite; if he finds a little "extra down there, I'll just make it stiff and lay my hat on it."
Wow. These next few hours will be fucking interesting.
