Pretty soon my roommate will start looking like McNuggets.

Still too much snow on the ground for my liking. Wanted McDonald's really bad today. This shirt didn't help:

Wide Eyed Tee, $58

Doesn't it look like the Hamburglar?!


Or maybe I'm just plagued by cabin fever. Either is an option.

+ Photos courtesy of Nasty Gal Vintage, I'm Not Feeling You

It's been a while since I've mocked famous people's clothes.

While perusing on Yahoo, I came across a fuckload of photo galleries of recent Hollywood events (from the 13th Annual Hollywood Film Awards Gala, the Champions Who Change Women's Lives Gala and the world premiere of the Michael Jackson documentary "This Is It"), so I think it's a time for a best-worst dressed list. It's not like I have anything better to do (cough bored at my job cough).

+ Why does Jamie Kennedy look so pained being next to girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt? Granted, she seems high-maintenance. But he just looks like he's been pulling out his hair from the stress - or is that just early male baldness? ZING!


+ Diablo Cody is one of the worst people. I am really anti celebrities who show up to red-carpet events dressed like schlubs. Like, what the fuck is this, from Sears' clearance rack? Negative.


+ Is this Lauren Conrad looking like a suitable human being, and not like she's actually wearing some of her own fashion designs? I like. Also, ZING! again.


+ I can't really respect Iranian actress Shohreh Aghdashloo, because she pulled the race-traitor card and played a terrorist on "24." But bitch is 57 FUCKING YEARS OLD and looks good as shit. Is that cleavage I see? Allah's probably not happy, but I am.


+ Umm ... why is Zooey Deschanel so poofy in this picture? Is there a little Ben Gibbard baby growing inside of her? I'm pretty sure that kid would trump Bronx Mowgli in terms of hipster cred - Pete and Ashlee better watch their asses.


+ Lastly, there's nothing to say about Aasif Mandvi except for that he's perfect and a gem in my comedian-loving heart. That is all.


+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo

So many conflicted emotions!

Why does Urban Outfitters have to tempt me so ...

Nike Dunk High Skinny, $100

... Only to fundamentally repel me seconds later?

Please Don't Feed the Models Tee, $24

LAMEZIES, you mega-corporate assholes. All I want to do is look at some sparkly Nikes without being assailed by your subtle encouragement of anorexia (look, as much as I mock celebrities who look off their skinny game, I still have some semblance of a heart ... a teeny one) - IS THAT SO WRONG?

+ Photos courtesy of Urban Outfitters

Some pictures are worth some words.

OH, dear Jesus, so many hilarious pictures lately. Here's quick thoughts on the three that made me giggle most today:

1. Kim Kardashian, again, wearing clothes I want.


However, the juxtaposition of her heavily made-up face with the SO FUCKING PREGNANT Kourtney just makes me laugh. Also, are they going to a club for Kim's 29th birthday or something? BITCH YOUR SISTER IS PREGNANT. Can't you send her home while you go get crunk (more pictures of the night here) and stop rubbing your body/fame/life in her face?

2. How come everyone always yells at me for wearing sweatpants, but it's OK for Gwen Stefani to wear BOTH sweatpants AND tie-dye?


I call unfair. Also, if you're going to take the time to put on such flashy red lipstick and more make-up than you need, why not just put on NOT CRUMMY CLOTHES? Just a thought.

3. Russell Brand in his American Apparel undies is just funny to me, I don't know why.


Maybe because how he started dating Katy Perry is also amusing (he hit on her all night at the VMAs, she texted him a pic of her boobs), even though their constant PDAs are kind of gross.

+ Photos courtesy of Hollywood Tuna, OMG! Yahoo, PopSugar

Yup, I have a journalism degree.

There's lots of media-related news flying around this week, and while some of it has got me really angry, some of it's pretty baller. So, indulge my journalist's nerdiness for a while, plz ...

Stupid things:

1. The football coach from the University of Montana, Bobby Hauck, ignoring student journalists from the school's newspaper, the Montana Kaimin, after they wrote a story about football players involved in an alleged assault. Since then, Hauck refuses to take their question in press conferences, belittles them in front of other reporters and is being an overall jackass; the Missoulian wrote a pretty solid story about it. As a former editor for my college paper, I can honestly say that was always our one fear: That the university's Athletics Department would get pissed off, pull our credentials and fuck us over entirely; it's scary to know that shit can actually happen.

2. Self magazine dethrones Bethesda, Md., as the healthiest city for women in the nation. Granted, I spent my teenager years-early adulthood in Bethesda and pretty much hated it. But knowing my uppity neighbors, they will be pissed off about this. I'm not sure if the fact that Totalbeauty.com ranks Bethesda as the city with the hottest guys in the country (... seriously?!) will help soothe their woes, either.

3. Ashlee Simpson will be in an upcoming issue of Vogue. Here's her getting to the photo shoot, looking confused and stupid:


Fuck you for this choice, Anna Wintour. You are dumb as a fucking box.

Good things:

1. Vanity Fair does a pretty solid piece on how the fuck Jon and Kate Gosselin got so famous, and what that's done to them as people. This was them before the fame:


As someone who is similarly confused about why I so often read up on these useless people, I found the piece well-organized and really intriguing. Plus, I ALSO love sushi, so I learned something I have in common with Kate Gosselin. You know, because I don't ever plan on having eight fucking children, so we can't share that bond.

2. The Washington Post unleashed their print redesign earlier this week, and I actually really like it. It's more colorful, graphics-oriented and eye-catching, and thankfully, it's not too "YAY WE'RE TRYING TO BE HIP LOVE US." Here's a breakdown of all the differences, and here's today's front page:


3. And the Post also wrote a story today about various musicians like Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and the Roots taking part in a FOIA request about what music was played at Guantanamo Bay to torture prisoners. Finally, rock stars rally together to attack something that isn't downloading music! My heart rejoices/hates the treatment of prisoners.

+ Photos courtesy of Celebuzz, Urie, Newseum

"Umbrella," this ain't.

I'm more than a little nervous about Rihanna coming back to the music game. She's taken a good amount of time off after the whole break-up with Chris Brown, and though she has done some stuff here and there - there was "Run This Town," and the song "Contemplate" from Wale's upcoming "Attention: Deficit" album features clips from her song "Question Existing" ...



... but I worry about her next album. First of all, there's her first single:



This shit is BORING. AS. FUCK. Who is Rihanna trying to be, Celine Dion? The single's cover -


- with a cupless corset and barbed wire, cannot jive with a song this bad. It's INCONCEIVABLE.

And then there the cover for her upcoming album, "Rated R" ...


... Riri, really? I'm not trying to see the shitty stars tattoo you share with your violent ex. I'm trying to see your face. Is that so much to ask?!

You see why I'm worried, right? Though the album's producer keeps claiming "Rated R" is going to be "so great," I feel like the evidence is weighing against it.

Lastly, MTV points out that both Chris Brown's and Rihanna's new singles launched within 24 hours. I swear, if this is a sign of a reconciliation, I am going to flip a bitch.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, Sohh

When bleached pompadours go wrong.

Dear Riri,

Your hair has been looking like this lately.


This is not OK. Stop channeling James Brown.


Remember how he's dead? Let that be a warning.

With worried love,

- Me.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, GrandGood

Ellen's in, Paula's out. But Ellen's out too (lesbian pun!).

So, I totally, completely, wholly did not expect this. Ellen DeGeneres replacing Paula Abdul as the fourth judge on "American Idol?" What does this even MEAN? Paula Abdul was always a bit of a wackjob, but she seemed genuinely encouraging and had experience in the music business. Ellen DeGeneres, while hilarious and married to possibly the hottest actual lesbian ever ...


... does not have musical experience. Does not know what it's like to make in that industry. Does not know what it takes to hit the right notes, cover a song well or flutter her hand just like Mariah Carey. I get that DeGeneres is a performer, and maybe she'll end up being the "charisma coach" or some bullshit, but it just seems weird.

In a way, Fox possibly lucked out, because she is an extremely popular daytime talkshow host - she win four Emmys in a row for Best Talkshow Host - and maybe that could translate to primetime, as well. But overall, there's something about this that rubs me kind of the wrong way. And no, that wasn't an allusion to her lesbianness. I SWEAR.

+ Photo courtesy of Hollywood Celebrity Pictures

Also into cats!

The mugshot of Patrick Stump, which was taken after he got arrested for driving without a license about a week ago, was awkward enough (prob most so because he's not wearing a hat. I remember reading in some interview that Patrick Stump the performer always wears hats, but Patrick Stump the real guy doesn't, but still, it's weird).


Anyway, but this picture I just found is AWFUL. SO. MUCH. BLOAT.


I mean, Patrick Stump was never hot or anything? But that shit is pretty Jabba-the-Hut-like.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted, Yahoo

All the way up, indeed.

If you've read this blog even once, you probably know about my rabid hate of Miley Cyrus. But when I've been forced to watch episodes of "Hannah Montana," one thing makes it vaguely tolerable (well, not "tolerable," but not "I want to destroy the entire world for allowing this to exist," either) - Emily Osment, little sister of Haley Joel (yup, the kid from "The Sixth Sense") and the girl who plays Lilly Truscott/Lola Luftnagle, Miley/Hannah's best friend.


Her and Mitchel Musso, who plays on-screen boyfriend Oliver, are the only redeeming aspects of that Disney slop - legitimately funny and with charming chemistry, they manage to outshine Cyrus at her own game.

Which is why I'm so intrigued about this, the possibility of Osment becoming a humongo pop star in the coming year or so. No, she's not a good singer, but are any of those pubescent skankbags? Nope. So yay, she's got a shot! If Avril Lavigne and Ashlee Simpson could do it, pretty sure she can - especially with all of Disney's weight behind her.

+ Photo courtesy of Yahoo Movies

Can only crazy broads pull off red lipstick?

I love the idea of going to rehab just as like, a routine thing you do!

I mean, sure, addiction sucks. I can understand that. But I hate the explanation of checking in to rehab as "routine." It's not routine. It's something you do when you're fucked up. Just be straight-up about it, you know?

In other news, what do you think Melanie Griffith's daily schedule look like? I imagine it being vaguely similar to this:

1. Wake up next to Antonio Banderas.


2. Marvel at my good luck.
3. Decide to go shopping.
4. Spend Antonio's money.
5. Reapply far too many layers of red lipstick over. And over. And OVER AGAIN.


6. Watch some soaps.
7. Get bored in the mid-afternoon.
8. Run out of red lipstick.
9. Fly into a frenzy.
10. Check into rehab.
11. Find red lipstick.
12. Stay in rehab. Got nothing else to do, right?

Am I right, or ... no, don't even argue. I'm just right.

+ Photos courtesy of the L.A. Times

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