"Police arrested more than 70 people on suspicion of selling more than 800 ecstasy tablets as well as LSD and methamphetamine to undercover officers during the rave. Authorities said the confiscated narcotics are being tested to determine whether they were tainted."
So if 70 people were arrested, how many people were fucking there in the first place?! Insanity! Aren't there better things to do in California? Like eat frozen yogurt ...
I always feel so conflicted about these things, especially knowing that something I'm buying is a direct copy of something more expensive that I can't afford. It's kind of depressing. I mean, really, it just makes me upset that I don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on a ring. Yup, that's the superficially materialistic long and short of it.
"In light of ongoing delays in the setting of a start date for filming ‘The Hobbit,’ I am faced with the hardest decision of my life. After nearly two years of living, breathing and designing a world as rich as Tolkien’s Middle Earth, I must, with great regret, take leave from helming these wonderful pictures."
Tears. Spasms of grief. Ever since del Toro, who I will forever love because of "Pan's Labyrinth" and "The Devil's Backbone" and yes, even "Blade II," signed on with "The Hobbit," I literally squealed with fangirl glee every time I thought about it. So ... my sadness is fairly high. Pathetically high, sure, but also FAIRLY HIGH.
You know, these pictures of del Toro and "Lord of the Rings" director Peter Jackson mean nothing now.
Where's my fucking Kleenex?! And my box set of "Lord of the Rings?" I now have something to do after this "Law and Order" marathon is over.
I have always felt like Ciara is trying to claw her way to the top of the R&B heap, and I feel like if she could, she would rip out Rihanna's eyeballs and eat them for breakfast.
But in terms of just straight-out fucking crazy, Kelis wins, right? Watch these three videos: Rihanna does the whole fake lesbian thing with "Te Amo," Ciara astounds with her ability to booty-pop in "Ride" and Kelis ... well, bitch is just insane. I get that her and Nas just got their divorce finalized, but he is supposed to pay $44,000 a MONTH in child support! I feel like when you're sitting on that kind of money, you shouldn't be in this fucking weird. The world doesn't need another Lady Gaga.
Despite the fact that you are a three-day endeavor, I am not excited about your existence. Mainly because you allowed the following abominations of nature to happen. Let me explain.
Elaborately,
- Me.
1. Miley Cyrus again claims she doesn't listen to pop music, this time wrapped in an interview where she bashes "Glee" but also attempts to convince us that her music is not just "glitz and glamour." "A lot of [pop] songs are super shallow, but this music isn't," she insists of her upcoming album, "Can't Be Tamed."
See, here's where I get confused: I'm pretty sure that dressing like a humongous slut and gyrating onstage to covers of bands you don't know - if she knows who the Runaways are, I will fucking swear off ice cream or something - is "super shallow."
Stupid hypocritical bitch!!
2. And then in MORE Miley-related news, she awkwardly suggests onstage that she's not at all over Nick Jonas. In introducing a song describing their break-up, she goes, "They're always gonna come back together no matter what anyone says or the bad people that try to keep you apart. Surprise surprise, it's about a Jonas brother." Hold the phone, people - I'm pretty sure that her current boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth, is way better looking than that Jonas kid, but even still. Shame on anyone for dating that trashbox.
... Before she tried to fuck around with Brody Jenner, pissing off LC and basically getting her kicked out of the clique. So it makes sense that she and Heidi, both now scum on LC's shoes, would be teaming up together. Oh, the memories, when they both looked normal ...
4. "Sex and the City 2," which was pretty universally panned by critics, brings in $46.3 million so far after opening Wednesday at midnight. No, I'm not angry that the film didn't make enough money, I'm pissed that it made so much. Seriously, can someone put the crones away?
Like, I'm supposed to believe this was a flashback to when Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie arrived in New York City in the '80s? Oh, OK. I guess leathery and weathered was in back then.
I have a lot of criteria when it comes to buying shoes. And by "a lot of criteria," I mean if they're shiny or have a platform heel or are made by Jeffrey Campbell or in any way would offend my boyfriend, I'd buy them.
But I'm thinking that if a pair of shoes is advertised as being "a great option for ... the hot jeggings trend," that's not a good sign. I mean, firstly, because the shoes look like this:
To ease my pain, mainly because I harbor absurdly affectionate/romantic feelings toward Suns' players Steve Nash and Goran Dragic ...
... I'm going to consider buying dumb shoes. That's not an action I reserve just for horrible post-season losses, but it seems applicable at the moment.
Watching this Suns game. Trying not to throw things at the TV whenever Kobe Bryant or Ron Artest does anything. Literally, wish death upon both of those douches.
Other things pissed me off this week, sure ...
1. Miley Cyrus isn't going to college. Duh, she already knows everything about the way of the world: be a slut and you'll win. Fucking trashbox. And why go to college and pursue higher education when that worked out so well for other pop stars, like Britney Spears?
... Oh, right. She looks like that now. Oops. I DO wish this frumpery on Miley Cyrus! Keep being an ignorant hillbilly, you slut!
2. Those stupid Salahis continue to beat around the bush regarding how stupid it was for them to crash an official White House event. And then maybe tried to crash another one earlier this week. I can't wait for the two of them to appear on "Real Housewives of D.C.," because I really need an inside look at their crazy.
Anyway, seriously, fuck these guys. I hope this picture is an example of the two passing a communicable disease or something. One which causes them to lose to the Suns ...
Who the fuck was letting these women out of the house and to the "Night of Fashion & Technology with LG Mobile Phones" in Los Angeles on Monday? (That seems like the stupidest, most contrived event ever, or at least this week, but still.)
But really, Jessica Simpson's breasts are sagging like all hell, and she's wearing wings on her hips. This is helping her insistence that she's a size 4 how, exactly?
I know that Katharine McPhee's top and capri pants are both from designer Alice + Olivia, but she looks like an Old Navy mannequin working corners in Las Vegas with that overly shiny get-up.
And Rashida Jones's blouse, jeans and fringed boots all look like they're fighting for possession of her body and can't decide who's going to win the bout. It's fucking May in L.A. Why the fuck is ANYONE wearing suede boots and tight long jeans? Oh, and it's pathetic that her muumuu-like shirt is the most in-season apparel she's got on. Wear a dress, woman!
... OK, just not Anna Kendrick's dress. No one is attending a funeral here, it's a party held by a cell phone company. Shit ain't that serious.
You know, I think it's pretty interesting that Kat Von D, well-known fan of crazy hair colors and vagina-flashing leggings (and apparently strange posed pictures with Nick Cannon) ...
... looks better than most other people at E!'s 20th birthday bash Monday at the London Hotel in West Hollywood. Especially when compared to Kelly Rowland, who used to be in Destiny's Child and made millions of dollars with one of the hottest girl-groups ever and yet can't seem to wear a suit that doesn't make her look like a fucking pile of vomit some kid threw up after eating too much Halloween candy.
And don't make a face, we've all done it. All fat kids are the same! It's our life's burden - we cry, eat, repeat. It's a system.
I haven't updated in a while, so I've had a few weeks to gather an array of stupid things to barrage you with. Seriously, so dumb/gross/both.
1. Sephora is selling a lotion made of goat's milk - yup, "Goat Milk Body Lotion" is going for $32 a bottle. I know us women-folk do a lot of weird stuff to ourselves, like rub eggs in our hair and dead babies on our faces (I think I'm joking about that), but how is it at all appealing to slather the milk of a goat all over yourself? Also, it's getting lots of positive reviews on Sephora's website. Crazy bitches! What's next, something else totally random like hippo saliva? I'm calling patent on that shit.
2. Designer Anzevino & Florence has created a garment called the "Women's Air Mattress," and it's being sold for $350. Oh, and it looks like this.
Yeah, I'll pass. And so should EVERY OTHER PERSON. I don't think it's a good idea to buy an article of clothing that is named after a PUFFY, THICK MAT that you sleep on. Somehow, I think that might send the wrong message to people you're trying to impress/sleep with. "Want to lay on me? I'm wearing a dress/coat called the 'Air Mattress'" just doesn't seem that fucking ladylike.
4. USA Today interviews Jake Gyllenhaal about his upcoming flick, "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time," and writes a thought-provoking expose (heavy, heavy sarcasm there) about how hard it was for him to master a British accent. Really? Because ancient Persians DIDN'T FUCKING HAVE BRITISH ACCENTS, YOU ASSHOLES. I love how not once in the story there's a line like, "Hey readers, by the way, everyone starring in this movie has British accents just because they all happen to be British in real life, not because the people who lived in this ancient culture we're raping to create our stupid movie actually had voices like that."
And maybe another line saying something like, "Also, whomever is taking part in the creation of this film is a huge ignorant dickbag." At least that would be objective.
5. OK, and this last one is just disgust toward myself, not the rest of the world: The winner of this season's "The Biggest Loser" lost 264 pounds over the course of the show. Seriously? And my fat ass can't get off the couch to go to the gym because yet another episode of "Law and Order" that I've probably seen anyway is on TV? Ugh ... so much self-hate! How about if I say I was abused as a child, will that make it OK? (That was probably too soon. Whomp whomp.)
But since his death, she seems to be coping nicely and raising their daughter Matilda pretty lovingly - how fast Matilda has grown up has really thrown me off; here's them in 2009.
But anyway, Williams is starring in a movie with Ryan Gosling way later this year, "Blue Valentine," and is showing up to events looking like this (while promoting the film at Cannes Film Festival this past week):
And this (at the amFAR Cinema Against AIDS Gala, also at Cannes):
I'd like that haircut, those dresses and shoes and the affectionate embrace she seems to be sharing with Gosling, please (they're not dating, but still). Plus, the kind of strength to go through what happened with Ledger and keep on living is also pretty respectable. Props, lady. Especially when hot messes like Lindsay Lohan are still on the loose. Bitch is crazy! Williams is not. It's refreshing, I promise.
+ Photos courtesy of Zimbio, OMG! Yahoo, GoFugYourself
It's getting to feel like summer here in Maryland, which makes sense since a. it's almost Memorial Day, the official beginning of the season, and b. Montgomery County seems to be built on a fucking humongous swamp whose main goal is to ruin my hair and make-up and general happiness. And while I live in Prince George's County, it's MoCo's neighbor and the weather often likes to take a shit on my life. Thanks, humidity.
So while I know that I will sweat through whatever I wear (I know, I'm real classy like that) these upcoming few months, I can't help but buy into marketing and totally want these dresses from Jeremy Scott. Part of his "Flintstones"-inspired line, they basically make me want to grab a club and throw a bone in my hair and go inflict damage on some mosquitoes. Fuck those little bitches.
I've already blogged about the shoes in the last picture. Of course I want them. If you're surprised by that, don't read this blog; it won't suit you. Are you a mosquito? Go fuck yourself.
And I don't mean that because like, OH NO, A BLACK WOMAN CAN'T CREATE ALLUSIONS TO MARILYN MONROE, but more like, what? Where is this fascination of hers with Bettie Page and and Monroe coming from all of a sudden? I just don't get it.
Or maybe I'm too cracked out to form coherent thoughts. Sleep, come to me! Seriously, I want that.
P.S. I must add that I find it seriously creepy to see Rihanna all dolled up in pleather and BDSM-themed gear, and then see her dressed like Slash a few seconds later. What? You're telling me that Def Jam could call up Travis Barker and have him randomly appear in this video, but not actually have the guitarist featured on the damn song show up? Bad form, people.
All I have to fucking say is, who thinks to themselves, "I want to grow up and be a sexy crow? CAW!! CAW!!"
Because if you think that, fuck you. And fuck Miley Cyrus, too.
P.S. I'm not even going to point out the blatant stupidity of Cyrus singing about how she can't be tamed ... and then she's still in the fucking cage. Patriarchy? Misogyny? Retardery? I don't even have any other words that end in "y" that FULFILL MY RAGE.
And while I understand that this movie is based off the 2003 version of the video game, it still looks ... well, just FUCKING BIGOTED AND STUPID. A LOT OF BOTH. ALL AT ONCE. WITH A DISNEY STAMP OF APPROVAL.
4. Prince "Dastan"? The dangerous"Assassins" group? I find the forced, horribly trite Iranian touches of this film - like "dastan," which means "story" in Farsi, and the Assassins, who are lamely based off the very real Hashshashin sect of awesomely crazed fanatics - even more offensive than the British-ness and the sluttiness. OK, maybe not more than the British-ness. But STILL.
1. David Boreanaz, who stole my heart by playing Angel on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" all those years ago, admits to cheating on his wife. That's him, looking dreamy.
I guess he gets points for honesty and for not allowing the situation to become Tiger Woods- or Jesse James-like? But ... he still cheated. IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.
2. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz continue to look like total douches when attending the Kentucky Derby this weekend ...
... and while "hiking" in Los Angeles after returning from the race.
I put "hiking" in quotations because I fucking refuse to believe that these people exerted any kind of energy while wearing Converse sneakers and jeans, AND ALSO TEXTING. That's like, the most uncomfortable, illogical "hiking" situation ever, so disbelief, you are all up in my face right now.
It's Sunday night, I have to go back to work tomorrow, yet another five days of my life will pass by, etc. To help ease that transition, here are a few things I'm psyched about. Literally, ecstatic. JUMPING OFF THE WALLS.
OK, not jumping off the walls. But still pretty excited. Rebounding off the walls? That still makes me sound crazy. ... Fuck it, this has gone on too long.
If this movie sucks, Disney will pay. You may think I'm joking, but I could know people. I am brown, after all.
2. Alec Baldwin says he will host the season finale of "SNL." This isn't too surprising because he's hosted the show a million times before, but he gets funnier every time I watch "30 Rock," so this sounds good to me. Plus, any host is better than Gabourey Sidibe.
Seriously. So unfunny.
3. Conan O'Brien continues to be a folk hero with his appearance on "60 Minutes" tonight, which wasn't too heart attack-causing - he doesn't like, tell Jay Leno to eat a dick or anything - but it was both depressing to see him seem so broken (I think it's the beard) and yet pleasing because he's still funny and witty and charming. Here's a write-up with some quotes; interview in two clips in HD below.
5. I learned today that all those nail polish colors I've wanted from Chanel - Jade, Particuliere - are online at Chanel's own website, which you can buy stuff from directly. How did I not know this?! For months I've been trolling eBay, hating on assholes who are trying to sell these bottles of nail polish for as much as $70 each. Fuck that! Those days are over! Plus, those temporary tattoos Chanel made last season?
Yup, the website has those too. There goes my next paycheck. I EVEN HAVE REAL TATTOOS AND YET I WANT THESE. God, I'm awful.
6. Urban Outfitters has very "Marie Antoinette"-like furniture that I would totally be buying if all I had to do all day was, much like Kristen Dunst does in that movie, eat pastries and buy shoes. I mean, I do those things anyway? But like, while "working." So ... a lime green couch and frilly chair don't seem that reasonable.
