I CRY TEARS.

SO disappointed today. For so many reasons.

1. David Boreanaz, who stole my heart by playing Angel on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" all those years ago, admits to cheating on his wife. That's him, looking dreamy.


I guess he gets points for honesty and for not allowing the situation to become Tiger Woods- or Jesse James-like? But ... he still cheated. IT'S BREAKING MY HEART.

2. Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz continue to look like total douches when attending the Kentucky Derby this weekend ...


... and while "hiking" in Los Angeles after returning from the race.


I put "hiking" in quotations because I fucking refuse to believe that these people exerted any kind of energy while wearing Converse sneakers and jeans, AND ALSO TEXTING. That's like, the most uncomfortable, illogical "hiking" situation ever, so disbelief, you are all up in my face right now.

3. NBC approves another show from J.J. Abrams. You may immediately think, "Hypocritical bitch, but you LOVE 'Lost'!" And yes, that's true. But I really don't like that this show sounds like a "Mr. and Mrs Smith" rip-off: "Undercovers, about a married couple of former spies lured out of retirement by the CIA," is how USA Today describes its premise. BOO. Do people not remember how lame "Felicity" was, which Abrams was also responsible for? Come on.

4. Some woman attacks people in a California Target, stabbing the fuck out of them for no reason. ALL I DO IS SHOP AT TARGET. THIS IS A HORRIBLE DEVELOPMENT FOR SOCIETY. Like, what was her motive? Pissed off at the low prices? Angry at the aisles and aisles of well-organized merchandise? UGHH.

5. Lastly, Kendall Jenner may be only 14 and only half Kardashian, but god, her wardrobe choices are really making me hate her already.


16-year-old Ali Lohan, you have met your dressing-far-too-old-for-her-age, on-the-road-to-crack match. FIGHT!

+ Photos courtesy of TIME, OMG! Yahoo

Maybe this is why Fall Out Boy broke up?

Oh, Pete Wentz.


If only this picture were ALWAYS true and not just a cheap gimmick during your Clandestine Industries show at New York Fashion Week. If only ...

+ Photo courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Just don't call it Snowtorious B.I.G.

It's Monday night. I've been snowed in since Friday afternoon. I'm so done with this bullshit blizzard thing ... oh, wait. More is coming tomorrow. AWESOME.

The only way I've managed to stay sane is TV and the Internet. So basically, I'm doing nothing different than I would have done if there weren't snow outside. I'm just more antsy and frustrated. Go figure.

Anyway, here's the things that have kept me captivated these past few days. I really want to blow my brains out. Cabin fever, etc.

1. Michael Jackson's doctor charged with involuntary manslaughter. This was bound to happen eventually, and I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happened to anyone associated with Brittany Murphy, as her autopsy proved she basically died from pneumonia. In other news, could someone kill me to rid me of this winter? Thanks.

2. Back in September, "Project Runway" winner Christian Siriano designed a spring 2010 shoe line for Payless Shoe Source. No one ever thought the really high-fashion ones, like these, would actually get sold, except, OH HEY, they'll be in select Payless stores in early March. I'm gunning for these, which will be around $79.99 each:


Whatever, I don't care about your judgments, fuck you guys.

3. The Washington Post ran an opinion piece about a week ago that was all about how in this tough economic time, more people are haggling for bargains. I'm sorry, maybe this is just because my parents are foreign and bartering is like, WHAT IRANIANS DO, but is this really surprising to people? Of course you ask for discounts and lower prices on things. It's called being crafty, Post writers. Look into it. MAYBE IT WILL HELP YOU SAVE THE INDUSTRY IN WHICH I WORK.

4. So who knew, but Christina Hendricks wears glasses.


Update your sexy librarian fantasies, people. Pretty sure she just changed the game. Also, did anyone else hear about this controversy regarding The New York Times and how they may have distorted a photo of Hendricks from the Golden Globes to make her seem wider and larger than she actually is? Real slick, guys.

5. It's already February, which means that Jean Paul Gaultier's collection for Target is only a month away - it will hit online and stores March 7. You can see the collection's whole lookbook here, but I'm pretty much set on these specific outfits: The trenchcoat on the left in the first picture and the dress and coat in the middle of the second picture.



Give it up to me, etc.

6. According to some new study, abstinence-only education has begin to show signs of working among youth, specifically in African American students in sixth and seventh grade over two years. Maybe I'm just skeptical, but is this really where our country is headed? Abstinence-only education is stupid and short-sighted, and last time I checked, isn't our teen pregnancy rate on the upswing? Kids are going to have sex, just give them condoms and a banana and send them on their way. It sucks, but it's true. Deal with it, Christian parents.

7. Plus, people are going to pregnant if they wear shit like this. HOW COULD THEY NOT? It's basically a slutty embodiment of business in the front ...


... party in the back.


Impressive, I'd say.

8. Pete Wentz kind of announces the end of Fall Out Boy in some horrendously written and grammar-less statement, which includes gems like this:

as much as i dont have a solo project, i also cant predict that id ever play in fall out boy again. not due to personal relationships as much as a band we grew apart. in this statement id like to include there is the possibility that fob will play again with out me or i will be a part of it when everyone is on the same page.

Silly me, I thought Wentz's solo project was fathering awfully named children, making out with dudes and getting tramp-stamps.


Oops!

9. And lastly, trailers for "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps," "MacGruber" and "Brookyn's Finest" have been giving me headaches. They ALL look awful, even though the sequel to "Wall Street" would be fantastic without the Shia. I mean, anything that could recreate GREED IS GOOD is fine with me, but ... the LaDouche isn't cutting it for me.

+ Photos courtesy of Lucky, Dlisted, Hot Beauty Health, Patricia Field, YouThoughtSo

Remember that Fall Out Boy lyric about how they had "such good fashion sense" ... really?

All I can think of when I look at this picture, which was taken after Ashlee Simpson's debut in "Chicago" on Broadway, is, "Morticia and Gomez go emo."


Poor Addams family. To be mimicked in such a way is strongly disrespectful, no? Wednesday would have never stood for this shit.

+ Photo courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

The bitch is back, etc.

Hola, friends. It has been forever since we've talked. I've been busy, but I've missed you, hope you've been doing well, etc. - and here's some pictures to get this ball rolling again.

The American Music Awards were last night, and if you've been breathing this morning, you've already heard about how Adam Lambert humped a male dancer's face (uh, Prince and Davey Havok have been doing that for years, but whatever) and Jennifer Lopez fell while performing. Hilarity! But you know I'm all about the clothes, so here's my thoughts.

+ Pete Wentz, why are you dressing like a Goth stormtrooper? This is awful. Somewhere, George Lucas is weeping about your rampant use of pleather ... and are those knee-high boots? Foul.


+ Oh, Selena Gomez. You're so fucking boring. I'm not saying you should throw some titties out, but come ON. You're 17. Take some damn dressing risks. Also, your shoes look like you got them from Payless. You make more money than that; we all fucking know it.


+ It always scares me when I see pictures of Joe Perry, becuase I think I'm looking at the walking dead. This photo - and that hairstyle - ain't helping.


+ And, of course, to my final loves: Rihanna, who looked baller in this Marchesa dress and some bizarre bandage-inspired performance get-up ...


... and Shakira, who somehow managed to pull-off both a neon yellow dress and a black disco ball mini with some crucial amounts of delightful cleavage. Impressive, woman. Impressive.


+ Photos courtesy of OMG! Yahoo, The Superficial

Germany, you so crazy.

So the MTV Europe Music Video Awards in Berlin are apparently happening right now; if you're really pressed, you can follow what's happening on the show's live blog.

But I don't really care about who wins or loses, because I don't really give a shit about what Europeans think. I do, however, care about what people look like while attending this thing. So here, have some quick thoughts:

+ Does Katy Perry only clean up nice when she's hosting an event or something? Because she actually looks quite pretty here. I'm shocked.


+ Are we COMPLETELY SURE that the lead singer of Tokio Hotel, Bill Kaulitz (the one with the weird mohawk thing), is a dude? Because he's REALLY making a strong case against himself.


+ Pete Wentz ... is just awful. So awful. Can Ashlee Simpson take away his make-up already? Cure him of this crack-like addiction? That'd be great.


+ Why is the Hoff wearing a sequined blazer? ...


+ ... And why does he match with Leona Lewis's similarly sequined capri pants and corset belt? Germany does weird things to people's fashion sense, man.


+ Photos courtesy of Monsters and Critics