Disney, why can you give me Tron and yet ALSO THIS?

God, every time I see a commercial for "Prince of Persia: Sands of Time," a little more of me gets righteously pissed off for my people. The first two video games in the franchise, "Prince of Persia" and "Prince of Persia: The Shadow and the Flame," were so awesome! Stupid and still bigoted, but awesome!

And while I understand that this movie is based off the 2003 version of the video game, it still looks ... well, just FUCKING BIGOTED AND STUPID. A LOT OF BOTH. ALL AT ONCE. WITH A DISNEY STAMP OF APPROVAL.

Let's dissect:

1. British accents? Really? We're going to pretend Britain had already started raping Iran all those centuries ago? Because they hadn't. Yes, they had relations (pretend that didn't sound sexual), but that doesn't mean Iranians were sounding like cockney assholes. And while I understand that this movie has to be in English, can't we just NOT have colonial accents? Is that too much to ask?

2. Ben Kinglsey? FOR SHAME.

3. Belly dancers. Oh, awesome. Well, it's good to know that sluttiness is indicative of Iranians in both "300" (here's a picture of the skanky dancers doing their thing in "300," but if it's too blurry for you, that's a scantily clad woman thrusting her crotch up at some dude) and in this movie. ... Don't make a joke about me being an example of that, too. Fuck you guys.

4. Prince "Dastan"? The dangerous"Assassins" group? I find the forced, horribly trite Iranian touches of this film - like "dastan," which means "story" in Farsi, and the Assassins, who are lamely based off the very real Hashshashin sect of awesomely crazed fanatics - even more offensive than the British-ness and the sluttiness. OK, maybe not more than the British-ness. But STILL.

5. See EVERYTHING ABOVE.

I'm going to seethe somewhere.