Probly the only time Gary Oldman and Snooki will be mentioned in the same place.

I've been at work for more than five hours - and I still have five hours to go - and it's killing me. Mondays + Daylight Savings Time = terrible. If I could sneak to my car and take a nap, that'd be tight.

Until then, I will comment on things that are meaningless to most of the world. It's all I know how to do.

1. I'll be honest, I've smirked a lot over Charlie Sheen's recent crazy (I'm not linking to anything regarding it because if you didn't already know about it I can't explain it to you in such a brief space). But I did get depressed after reading this essay on why Alice in Chains member Mike Starr, who recently died after a stint on "Celebrity Rehab," should give us more insight as to Sheen's bizarro antics. Sheen's an addict, so I shouldn't laugh at his behavior - no matter how many times he says "winning." But one of my favorite authors Bret Easton Ellis also points out that Sheen is giving us what we want out of celebrities, which is pretty depressing but also pretty accurate. Shame on us, yo.

2. I had to see "Red Riding Hood" last week (you should read my review if you didn't already), and the film underperformed at the box office, which is a welcome relief. (Sadly, so did "Mars Needs Moms," which I actually thought was pretty good.) Anyway, you don't have to sit through the awful of "Red Riding Hood" to get a peek at Gary Oldman's great purple-velvet-dress-cloak outfit from the film - and some other great Oldman outfits, counted down by io9.

Look at him filming "Red Riding Hood" - so damn purple!


And back during "Dracula" - so damn creepy!


And that fucking hair!


Seriously, the list is amazing, and so are Oldman's outfits. And they're often quite feminine, despite Oldman's grizzled old-manliness - the sign of a great actor! See him licking that blood off a recently used razor? Nauseating cinematic legend!

3. Arcade Fire releases a trailer of their 30-minute short-film, "Scenes from the Suburbs," which they worked on with Spike Jonze (who also collaborated with them on their video for the single "The Suburbs") and which (duh) shares the name of their Grammy-winning third album. Look, here's a clip! Supposedly the whole thing is coming to DVD eventually.



4. Things for Urban Outfitters, which is facing plummeting stock prices because of their poor profits recently, keep getting worse: the Associated Press is now suing the store for using an AP picture of President Obama, which freelance photographer Mannie Garcia took for the AP in 2006 ...


... (which artist Shepard Fairey then made into the "Hope" poster, which became pretty legendary) ...


... without their permission on T-shirts. AP already was in a legal wrangle with Fairey for using the image, so it's not surprising that Urban Outfitters would be next.

5. Lastly, and probably most depressingly, have now seen more of Snooki's body than I ever wanted to. Or, look for more photos here. I could make fun of her but honestly I just want to give her a better-fitting bikini bottom. Maybe not boyshorts? Anything that wouldn't create a wedgie would basically work, because the amount that my eyes hate me - and my sympathy for Snooki and the woes of overweight girls everywhere - are both now reaching optimum levels. BITCH YOU'RE RICH, BUY SOMETHING THAT FITS.

+ Photos courtesy of www.movieline.com, www.empireonline.com, media.sfx.co.uk, www.williscreative.com, www.doobybrain.com

Things I like, round-up edition.

It's Sunday night, I have to go back to work tomorrow, yet another five days of my life will pass by, etc. To help ease that transition, here are a few things I'm psyched about. Literally, ecstatic. JUMPING OFF THE WALLS.

OK, not jumping off the walls. But still pretty excited. Rebounding off the walls? That still makes me sound crazy. ... Fuck it, this has gone on too long.

1. New stills from "Tron Legacy" have been released. I'm specifically feeling this one.


If this movie sucks, Disney will pay. You may think I'm joking, but I could know people. I am brown, after all.

2. Alec Baldwin says he will host the season finale of "SNL." This isn't too surprising because he's hosted the show a million times before, but he gets funnier every time I watch "30 Rock," so this sounds good to me. Plus, any host is better than Gabourey Sidibe.



Seriously. So unfunny.

3. Conan O'Brien continues to be a folk hero with his appearance on "60 Minutes" tonight, which wasn't too heart attack-causing - he doesn't like, tell Jay Leno to eat a dick or anything - but it was both depressing to see him seem so broken (I think it's the beard) and yet pleasing because he's still funny and witty and charming. Here's a write-up with some quotes; interview in two clips in HD below.





4. Delish.com lists some of the weirdest new food products and accessories out there, and some things on the list really sound awesome. I knew about brown Kumato tomatoes already, but alcohol-laced whipped cream? Edible spray paint? If I cooked, I would be way more excited about this stuff, but for now, my happiness level seems appropriate for a person who only knows how to microwave frozen dinners. I don't even know how to use a toaster oven. ... Yeah. :-/

5. I learned today that all those nail polish colors I've wanted from Chanel - Jade, Particuliere - are online at Chanel's own website, which you can buy stuff from directly. How did I not know this?! For months I've been trolling eBay, hating on assholes who are trying to sell these bottles of nail polish for as much as $70 each. Fuck that! Those days are over! Plus, those temporary tattoos Chanel made last season?


Yup, the website has those too. There goes my next paycheck. I EVEN HAVE REAL TATTOOS AND YET I WANT THESE. God, I'm awful.

6. Urban Outfitters has very "Marie Antoinette"-like furniture that I would totally be buying if all I had to do all day was, much like Kristen Dunst does in that movie, eat pastries and buy shoes. I mean, I do those things anyway? But like, while "working." So ... a lime green couch and frilly chair don't seem that reasonable.

Antoinette Fainting Sofa, $598


Ruffle Chair, $388

Nevertheless, I lust.

7. And lastly, is it creepy to still be obsessed with Roald Dahl after all these years? No? OK, good.

James and the Giant Peach Tee, $24.50

+ Photos courtesy of Yahoo Movies, On Sugar, Urban Outfitters, Delias

Defeat sucks.

So Maryland just lost this game against Michigan State, which is honestly causing me to weep profusely. Seriously, I have tears in my eyes. This is the dumbest display of emotion ever.

But other things that really shouldn't have shocked me this week include:

1. Urban Outfitters posted a record profit last year. Of course they did, they fucking have a direct line to my bank account. They're also launching a wedding line. Yet another reason for my boyfriend to never marry me.

2. Amber Rose has raging cellulite. Honestly, not a big eye-opener. More of a vomit-inducer.


3. Mark Wahlberg looks annoyingly good-looking in the trailer for "Date Night." Unlike the movie, which looks horrible. But how can I deny Marky Mark? Oh right, I can't.



+ Photo courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Oof, UO.

So, Urban Outfitters just added this T-shirt to their website today, and ...


... if you're like a humongous geek like me, you recognize that shirt as a fake one for Forks High School, which is the school in the "Twilight" books. And if you're luckily oblivious to "Twilight" stuff, well, there you go, I just informed you.

But my real qualm is this: I would expect this "Twilight"-inspired shit from Hot Topic, you know, because the store has this humongous section of their website dedicated to "New Moon" merchandise. But is anyone really going to buy a fake Forks High School shirt from Urban Outfitters? Especially a men's shirt? Bad call, hipsters. Bad call.

+ Photo courtesy of Urban Outfitters