Comics are always better than Carrie.

Dear this weekend,

Despite the fact that you are a three-day endeavor, I am not excited about your existence. Mainly because you allowed the following abominations of nature to happen. Let me explain.

Elaborately,

- Me.

1. Miley Cyrus again claims she doesn't listen to pop music, this time wrapped in an interview where she bashes "Glee" but also attempts to convince us that her music is not just "glitz and glamour." "A lot of [pop] songs are super shallow, but this music isn't," she insists of her upcoming album, "Can't Be Tamed."

See, here's where I get confused: I'm pretty sure that dressing like a humongous slut and gyrating onstage to covers of bands you don't know - if she knows who the Runaways are, I will fucking swear off ice cream or something - is "super shallow."



Stupid hypocritical bitch!!

2. And then in MORE Miley-related news, she awkwardly suggests onstage that she's not at all over Nick Jonas. In introducing a song describing their break-up, she goes, "They're always gonna come back together no matter what anyone says or the bad people that try to keep you apart. Surprise surprise, it's about a Jonas brother." Hold the phone, people - I'm pretty sure that her current boyfriend, Liam Hemsworth, is way better looking than that Jonas kid, but even still. Shame on anyone for dating that trashbox.

3. I guessed a few days ago that Heidi leaving Spencer was really just so they could get another TV show after "The Hills" ends this year, and sadly enough, that guess is coming true: Old "Hills" castmate Jennifer Bunney claims that she and Heidi are getting a house together in Malibu this summer and are filming a new reality show. For anyone who gives a fuck, Bunney was in Lauren Conrad's inner circle with Heidi ...


... Before she tried to fuck around with Brody Jenner, pissing off LC and basically getting her kicked out of the clique. So it makes sense that she and Heidi, both now scum on LC's shoes, would be teaming up together. Oh, the memories, when they both looked normal ...


4. "Sex and the City 2," which was pretty universally panned by critics, brings in $46.3 million so far after opening Wednesday at midnight. No, I'm not angry that the film didn't make enough money, I'm pissed that it made so much. Seriously, can someone put the crones away?


Like, I'm supposed to believe this was a flashback to when Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie arrived in New York City in the '80s? Oh, OK. I guess leathery and weathered was in back then.

5. And lastly, no more "Iron Man" appearances until "The Avengers," according to director Jon Favreau. Sadness. As simple as that.

+ Photos courtesy of The Hollywood Gossip, Zimbio, 80MillionMoviesFree