Rain = suxx.

Washington, D.C., and its surrounding suburbs are under some CRAZY RAIN ARMAGEDDON alert today, so basically looking outside is uber-dreary. This is the kind of day where, if I were still in college, I would ditch all my classes and hang out in my room and watch reruns of "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" or something, and only brave the outside for frozen yogurt, a huge cup of Diet Dr Pepper and a veggie burger with extra relish and honey mustard. I make really gross food choices, it's true.

Today, probably cuz of all the moping around while I'm at work, has created a mixed gossip bag. See?

1. Kanye West is applying for a master's in fashion from Central Saint Martins College in London; former students there include M.I.A. and Stella McCartney, the former of whom made some crazy overpriced clothes a few years ago and the latter of whom also charges exorbitant prices but makes pretty things (I like the dress best). Anyway, so Kanye thinks he can legitimately study fashion; I refuse to believe that because he and Amber Rose created this picture together.


Isn't fashion supposed to be art? And aren't photos then considered art? CLEARLY KANYE CANNOT CREATE ART. So awful.

2. Bonne Bell is making lip balms flavored like Skittles. Because THAT'S not gross. So many pharmacy makeup brands' products smell and taste like ass anyway because of their cheap quality, so that waxy nastiness coupled with the overwhelmingly fake fruity flavors of Skittles makes me super-nauseated. Although, I have to say that Skittles commercials are some of the best, especially when they involve singing rabbits and weird candy superpowers.





3. Phil Collins is retiring from music due to health problems, mainly negative effects from his years of playing drums. Definitely a loss, mainly because a. he's awesome and b. he basically gave us the funniest moment in "The Hangover". "The Hangover 2" is coming out in a few months, which gives me joy for this year's shitty movies so far.



4. In a moment that reminds me of my boyfriend, Joel Madden yelled at wife Nicole Richie on Twitter for spending $3,000 in pillows. My boyfriend will UNDOUBTEDLY be offended that I compared him to Joel Madden (even though I TOTALLY STILL love Good Charlotte), but I'm pretty sure if I spent $3K on pillows he would dump me on pure principle. I mean, they're fucking pillows. There is no need to spend thousands.

5. And in a move that I actually respect for its sheer trashiness, Christina Aguilera, fresh off her arrest for being drunk and crazy, returned to the same place where she got drunk ... and got drunk again. That's a hot mess I can respect. I love this quote from the OMG! Yahoo story: "When it was time to leave, "She seemed tipsy," the observer notes." Wouldn't you be tipsy if you were XXXTina? "Burlesque" tanked, no one cares about her new music, and I still laugh about how she messed up the National Anthem. Drink to forget, people.

+ Photo courtesy of HipHop.Popcrunch.com

An angry list of things that bring me anger.

I'm trying not to be a Debbie Downer today, but too many things are annoying me. So here, in one fell swoop, everything that's stupid.

This is why I don't take vacations: Because some Leesburg guy tried to bomb a cruise ship. What the fuck! All those people tanning? A travesty.

This is why I don't want kids: Because some 11-year-old kid killed his dad's pregnant fiancee with a shotgun. Bad parenting? Nature vs. nurture? Fuck if I know, but I don't even want to chance being responsible for a kid who then murders someone I love. BAD IDEA.

This is why I hate Tim Burton: Since his version of "Alice in Wonderland" made a shitton of money, he's now considering remaking "Sleeping Beauty." With Angelina Jolie as Maleficent. Like, I'm definitely on Team Brangelina and everything, but I just can't see Angelina as this woman:


It's just not working for me.

This is why I can't stop eating ice cream: Because scientists are now considering a crippling love of junk food to be like, an actual addiction. I guess all my jokes about cupcakes being my crack were unfortunately true.

This is why I think rich people are awful: Because Jamie McCourt, the estranged wife of the owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers baseball team (she's standing next to Posh below) ...


... is trying to argue in her divorce settlement that she deserves $1 million a MONTH in spousal support. Yes kids, ONE MILLION DOLLARS a fucking month. That works out to $33,333 a day. That amount, in a day, is more than I make a fucking year at my job. There is something SERIOUSLY WRONG HERE.

This is why I will never watch the MTV Movie Awards again: They are now allowing the public to nominate specific films for consideration, so that any film from 2009 can be up for any category. What is the point of having critics and people organizing an awards show if NO ONE is organizing the nominees? And this means that every category will be inundated with requests for "New Moon," right? UGH American youth, you are the WORST.

This is why I'm not really that excited about next year's family trip to Iran my parents keep pushing: Because going there and knowing that so many people, like its gay community, are subjugated and fucked over will probably put a damper on my trip. I'm not that excited about eating pomegranates and kabob when I hate the government so fucking much, you know?

This is why I don't feel that good about riding the Metro: Because there were four rapes on Metro property so far this year, and though WMATA officials say "there was an intent" to tell the public about them, they didn't. I feel so much better about my safety.

And, to end on a lighter note, this is why Usher's "Lil Freak" is my jam: Because videos with shady underground clubs, orchestras and Ciara are so bad they're good.



Don't worry, I still can't stand Nicki Menaj, especially in her first solo video, "Massive Attack." (A cameo by Amber Rose? REALLY?)



But back to "Lil Freak," anything with Usher will give me joy. He's just so dreamy!

+ Photos courtesy of LordWhat'sMyMotivation, the Atlanta Journal Constitution

Defeat sucks.

So Maryland just lost this game against Michigan State, which is honestly causing me to weep profusely. Seriously, I have tears in my eyes. This is the dumbest display of emotion ever.

But other things that really shouldn't have shocked me this week include:

1. Urban Outfitters posted a record profit last year. Of course they did, they fucking have a direct line to my bank account. They're also launching a wedding line. Yet another reason for my boyfriend to never marry me.

2. Amber Rose has raging cellulite. Honestly, not a big eye-opener. More of a vomit-inducer.


3. Mark Wahlberg looks annoyingly good-looking in the trailer for "Date Night." Unlike the movie, which looks horrible. But how can I deny Marky Mark? Oh right, I can't.



+ Photo courtesy of OMG! Yahoo

Clothez and thangz.

This week has been a pretty solid one when it comes to stupid clothes that fill my heart with joy. First there was the Screen Actors Guild Awards this past weekend, then Paris Fashion Week, then a Calvin Klein-sponsored event. Because it's snowing outside and I have nothing better to do, here are some thoughts - rapidly, so I can go back to reading my new issue of Nylon that just came in the mail.

The kids from "The Vampire Diaries" are on the cover. Meh.


Anyway, good and bad outfits, yay!

SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS

Diane Kruger: Basically, one of the best dresses I've ever seen, totally reminiscent of what Michelle Williams wore to the Oscars with Heath Ledger back in 2006. Such a pretty color, even though I'm normally anti-yellow, and she's just poised enough to pull it off.


Marion Cotillard: I don't know, she could wear a fucking Hefty bag covered in poo and I'd probably like it, so ... take that as you will.


Drew Barrymore: I don't even understand the point of this dress, and it basically just makes me think she's wearing a huge lampshade or something. But like, bluer and uglier.


PARIS FASHION WEEK

Dita Von Teese: Pulls off looking like a horrifying dominatrix. Impressive.


Amber Rose: I'm probably cursing the universe by hating the one time Amber Rose isn't inappropriately nude, but come on, if you're going to fucking wear clothes, DON'T MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE THIS.


LA ARTS MONTH RECEPTION, ORGANIZED BY CALVIN KLEIN

Kate Bosworth: Every time I see her, I want to strap her in before a plate of pasta and force her to eat some fucking carbs. This picture is no exception.


Jared Leto: Basically has been sucking from the fountain of youth, cuz the guy is pushing 40 (he's 38) and I'm pretty sure he looks hot as fuck. Like, yes, the shiny blazer is ugly, and yes, the scarf is unnecessary, AND YES, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT HE'S WEARING TOO MUCH GEL, but still. Look at that face! So delightful.


And lastly, Ali Larter and Milla Jovovich: Why has Ali Larter paired that old-lady-goes-to-a-strip-club-in-Florida outfit with clunky black boots, and why is Milla Jovovich wearing formal hot shorts with like a billion accessories and that garish Forever 21 belt? Where's my copy of Nylon? Anything has to be better to look at then this.



+ Images courtesy of FanPop, OMG! Yahoo

Friday's the perfect day for bitterness.

I think I'm going to make "Things I Hate" a regular post on this blog, because let's be honest, I hate a lot of stuff, if not MOST things in the world. Here's today's round-up. This is easier than me spending money on therapy; we all know it.

1. Prince writes a song in honor of the Minnesota Vikings. I love the Vikings, OK? I'm going to jump on any Brett Favre-helmed bandwagon, and I will be rooting for them to trash the Saints on Sunday. And I adore Prince; my boyfriend always bitches when I try to sneak watching "Purple Rain" on his TV. But look, the idea of Prince, the man who wears clothes like this,


and Brett Favre, one of the manliest men ever,


somehow meshing worlds is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Seriously. I know Favre has cried in public and everything, but I don't think he'd do it for the Mighty Purple One, you know?

2. I knew Heidi Montag has succeeded in becoming totally nasty, but I didn't know that the next season of "The Hills" will also focus on all of her plastic surgeries? Because that's gross. Like, she looks awful.


And I already have a love-hate relationship with "The Hills," so did I really need more reasons? Sigh, CUZ NOW I HAVE THEM.

3. There's something about this picture of Lucy Lawless at the New York premiere of the movie "Extraordinary Measures" that is really skeeving me out. Doesn't she look weirdly thin, and isn't that pink kind of a nasty Pepto Bismol-like shade?


She doesn't look as awful as Brendan Fraser's hair, but still.


Aren't these people rich? Can't they manage to look better?

4. Did anyone else know that this film, "Season of the Witch," was happening? Because teaser pictures for the movie were just released, and holy shit, Nicolas Cage needs to stop making movies. He is TOO OLD AND HAGGARD to be playing young, dashing knights.


That shit is not a good look!

5. Neither is this, btw.



Amber Rose, you never cease to boggle my mind. Or inspire my upchuck reflex. Definitely both.

+ Photos courtesy of TV One Blogs, NY Daily News, Rites of Patches, OMG! Yahoo, ABC News, Dlisted

VMAs - the drama CONTINUES.

Basically, the more I hear about this Kanye West/Taylor Swift showdown, the more I've decided he's SUCH A DOUCHEBAG.

Exhibit A: Pictures of Kanye getting shitfaced on the red carpet before the show (yes, that is a bottle of Hennessy he's swigging out of).


Exhibit B: Feeling up on his nasty trick Amber Rose in public. FOUL.


Exhibit C: From the Twitter account of hip-hop DJ Neil Armstrong, who was at the VMAs last night:

just so y'all know, homegirl taylor and her moms was in the back crying :(

Exhibit D: His fake-ass "apology" on, unsurprisingly, his blog. Yes, this was last night before the show was even over (I guess he left/got kicked out after the incident) and is (expectedly) in all caps. This is only an excerpt, because reading the whole thing would probably rot your brain - and, I can't find the post on his blog anymore, which is now experiencing "site upgrades in process." Suuure.

I'M SOOOOO SORRY TO TAYLOR SWIFT AND HER FANS AND HER MOM. I SPOKE TO HER MOTHER RIGHT AFTER AND SHE SAID THE SAME THING MY MOTHER WOULD'VE SAID. SHE IS VERY TALENTED! I LIKE THE LYRICS ABOUT BEING A CHEERLEADER AND SHE'S IN THE BLEACHERS! ........................ I'M IN THE WRONG FOR GOING ON STAGE AND TAKING AWAY FROM HER MOMENT!................. BEYONCE'S VIDEO WAS THE BEST OF THIS DECADE!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FANS IF I LET YOU GUYS DOWN!!!! I'M SORRY TO MY FRIENDS AT MTV. I WILL APOLOGIZE TO TAYLOR 2MRW. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!!!! EVERYBODY WANNA BOOOOO ME BUT I'M A FAN OF REAL POP CULTURE!!!

Here's my favorite part, though:

I'M NOT CRAZY YALL, I'M JUST REAL. SORRY FOR THAT!!!

Right ...

P.S. Because I am petty, I love when the AP gets thing wrong, like in this story, when they refer to Taylor Swift's song as "You Belong to Me." It's WITH me, kids. Do you know have fact-checkers? Were those a part of the budget cutbacks? Yeah, accuracy!

+ Photos courtesy of The Superficial

Orange you upset this is happening? (HA!)

Look, I get that the summer's almost over. I understand that people would want to tan their whole bodies for - theoretically - a lovely, healthy bronze that would last the upcoming autumn and winter seasons.


But look ... when it looks like your bikini bottom is flossing your asscrack, that's probably more than enough public nudity, don't you think?


Oh wait there are Amber Rose's titties. Guess I spoke too soon.

Kanye West, why must everything about you, including your women, plague me?! UGH NAST.

+ Photos courtesy of Dlisted and Egotastic!