Fantasy novels, ice cream and murder. All in one place!

So there's good news, and there's bad news.

THE GOOD

1. I've seen commercials for the Harry Potter theme park ...



... but now there's a definite announcement that it will open June 18 in Orlando. FUCK YES I want to go. Apparently they're already selling packages: "Four-night packages, which include an on-site hotel room, park tickets and various amenities, start at $645 per adult or $1,548 for a family of four." I don't need a family of four! I have $645! Anyone with me on this pipe dream?!

2. Yup, Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" has admitted that she is in a lesbian relationship. Does this mean their coupling will be on the upcoming season? Fuck I hope so. I need those damn housewives, because ...

3. MTV announced today that this upcoming season of "The Hills," which premieres on April 27, will be its last. Fucking FINALLY. I'm so sick of looking at these two slorebags.


OK, was anyone forcing me to watch the show? No. But I wanted to see what Kristin got up to! And it was nothing! She's boring! I need more drama. MORE DRAMA. And she didn't deliver. So thank the gods it's almost over.

4. Tom Shales from The Washington Post wrote this column the other day tearing apart ABC's decision to hire Christiane Amanpour for the hosting gig on "This Week," and I found it retardedly stupid. I normally agree with Shales's opinions on TV-happenings, so it was bizarre for me. Thankfully, Glenn Greenwald from Salon agreed with me and wrote a response column that it way better formulated than mine could have ever been. Probably because he doesn't stoop to profanity, like I inevitably would have.

THE BAD

1. Well, I'm fucked. According to this story by The Los Angeles Times, women need to work out an hour a day to maintain their weight throughout their lifetime, and work out about 90 minutes a day to lose weight. When the fuck am I going to find 60 to 90 minutes in my day? Sure, I could quit updating this thing. But then where would I get joy, ice cream? That seems like a self-defeating cycle. Mmm. Ice cream.

2. But in even more bad news for my fattery, President Obama's health care legislation triumph also stipulates that calorie information be posted at most chains, including those restaurants that offer buffets. Doesn't America understand that I don't want to know how many calories I'm eating when I'm scarfing down sushi like it's my job? ... This is why I'm fat.

3. I mean, I know everyone has problems with their parents. But hiring a hitman to kill your dad, after getting permission from your mom? ... Umm, that's fucked up. Way to live up to "The Godfather," lady.

+ Photos courtesy of InsideCelebrityWorld